Magic and dreams
by Whovian11th
Summary: Lana lived a simple life in her hometown in Michigan, until one strange night when she met Criss Angel. As she began to understand the man behind the magic and fame, she fell head over heels for him, and began to question her lifes choices. With Criss due back in Vegas in less than a week, they struggle to justify their love and find a way to be together.
1. Call me maybe

_A/N: Just so everyone knows, I am in the process of re-writing this story as well as adding in some chapters, I wanted to add more details. So I wanted to apologize if things seem to be changing or confusing as you read. So please, everyone let me know what you think of the changes or if you think I should add more details to something specific. Thanks :)_

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><p><strong>Call me maybe<strong>

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><p><em>Hey, I just met you,<em>

_And this is crazy,_

_But here's my number,_

_So call me, maybe._

_Carly Rae Jepsen - Call me maybe_

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><p>The building was beginning to smell heavily like sweat and beer, and it was starting to make my stomach churn. Had I known the concert was going to get this rowdy, I probably would have told my best friend, Jo, that I was going to pass. Don't get me wrong, I really loved Godsmack; it was Jo's favorite band, and it was the last time they were going to be in Michigan for a long time, but I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to tolerate one more ass grab.<p>

'Where the hell are you?!' I texted Jo. I hoped she realized how frustrated I was getting. She practically begged me to come to this concert with her, and here I was, waiting for her to show up because, as usual, she was running late. I had to admit that it infuriated me that she didn't ride with me, all because her boyfriend wanted a quick bang before the concert.

Fortunately, we decided to get seats instead of floor tickets. After watching the mosh pit get rowdier by the second, I was glad we were safe in our seats. I wasn't too sure I would survive a mosh pit, seeming how I was only five foot one and one hundred and ten pounds, I would have been squashed like a bug.

After watching the screaming girls and the drunk off their ass guys, I decided that maybe a beer would calm my nerves, and I had to figure out where the hell Jo was at, there was only an hour left before the band started. I kept my distance from the over excited crowds of people; I was never really a people person, and didn't really enjoy being in large crowds. At least this time I wasn't going into a full panic attack. Just as the cup of beer settled into my hand, my cell phone rang, Jo no doubt, boy was I going to rip her a new one.

"Jo! Where the hell are you?" I shouted into the phone, my other hand gripping my beer as I plugged my ear in attempt to muffle the noise; it wasn't working. "Hang on, I can't hear you." I yelled into the phone and desperately searched for a quieter place.

The bathrooms were out of the question; not only was there a line out the doors, but all the ear piercing screams from the annoying teenage girls, who thought being at a Godsmack concert was the highlight of their life, I wasn't going to be able to hear anything in there, and I didn't really enjoy annoying teenagers.

"Hang on a second." I yelled. I spotted a blue door off to my left and I was sure it was an area that people without a V.I.P. pass should steer clear of, but at that point I didn't care, my head was starting to pound and I was getting agitated. I slipped through the door as quietly as I could and sure enough, it was definitely a 'stay the hell out' area.

"Okay, I can hear you now, where are you?" I whispered into the phone as I attempted to hide in the furthest corner I could find. I watched as giggly girls walked past, eyeballing me. Just to get my point across, I gave them the dirtiest look I could muster. I smiled to myself when one of them gave a little screech and they all began to walk faster.

"I'm about twenty minutes out.. going the speed limit." I could hear the smile in her voice.

"Next time you're riding with me!" I snapped, still trying to keep my voice down. I really wasn't happy at the fact that I had been waiting in line for two hours to get into the building, and now I had been waiting over an hour for her to show up.

"I know, I'm sorry, it was Dons fault." She began to explain before I cut her off.

"I don't need to know the details, just get here!" I really didn't like Don, I had my list of reasons, a very large list.

"Alright, be there in ten to fifteen." she said before she hung up.

I shook my head and laughed slightly, sometimes she amazed me. I began scrolling through my texts, my mom had sent me about fifteen texts already, freaking out. She wasn't too happy about me driving to Detroit by myself. Always paranoid about my safety.

I flipped open my phone to send her a quick text, letting her know I was alright. As I tried to make my way back to the door as quietly as I could, my nose shoved into my phone, my shoulder suddenly slammed into someone. My beer flew up into my chest, soaking my shirt, and my phone tumble to the ground, the battery and the back separating on impact.

"Son of a bitch!" I muttered to myself as attempted to wipe off my now beer soaked shirt. It was no use, my shirt was done for. I bent down to pick up my phone.

"I'm so sorry." A deep voice said. I fumbled for my phone and watched as a pair of hands reached for my battery, which had slid several inches across the floor.

"No, I'm sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going. 'don't text and walk' I always say." I rambled.

"Thanks." I said softly and slightly embarrassed as they held out my battery to me.

I stared at the fingers for a moment. Why did those fingers look so familiar? Those rings. I know those rings! My head snapped upwards when it finally clicked. Those rings were unmistakeable, only one person had that much bling on his fingers. Criss Angel! I quickly stood up and took a step backwards. Criss Angel? What the hell is he doing here?

He chuckled lightly as he got back to his feet. Obviously, he knew full well what I was thinking. I took a deep breath and attempted to control my heart rate. He stepped forward and held out my battery towards me, for the second time.

"I believe this is yours." he said in a cool and calm voice. Even in his calm tone, he sounded so damn sexy, and that New York accent! I practically melted. I mentally slapped myself, no way was I going to be one of those annoying, screaming girls who swoon at the sight of him. No, I was better than that, I knew how to keep my cool and control myself. I wasn't going to make a damn fool of myself any more than I already had.

"Thanks." I said as I took it from him and put my cell phone back together.

"Did it do any damage?" he asked and nudged his chin towards my phone. I laughed slightly and shrugged.

"Oh, pfft. It's had worse, trust me. It's use to being dropped by now." I laughed as I held the power button down.

"I'm really sorry about that." he apologized again.

"Don't apologize, I'm the one who's sorry, it was my fault. I wasn't watching where I was going." I smiled up at him. I still couldn't believe my eyes. I stared at him for a few seconds, trying to wrap my brain around the fact that he was actually standing in front of me. He smiled crookedly and gazed at me with a sense of wonder in his eyes.

"I'm Criss Angel." he finally introduced himself, holding out his hand.

"I know who you are." I chuckled and shook his hand. His skin was softer than Id thought it would be, with all the work he did you would think his skin would be rough and cracked. He watched me for a moment with curiosity.

"And you are?" he finally asked, lifting his eyebrow in amusement. I shook my head softly, shaking off my daze.

"Lana. Lana Lovegrove."

"Wow, that's a beautiful name." he smiled as he looked down at me. Something about the way he was looking at me gave me chills, a definite hunger clear in his eyes. "Well, its nice to meet you Lana." he said in a deep rough voice.

I smiled and nodded once. "You too." I said, trying ignore the elephant in the room, he was so eye fucking me, and I, without a doubt, was doing it back to him. Our hands, still joined, seemed to tingle where our skin touched. Criss cleared his throat and quickly dropped his hand to his side, obviously noticing the strange feeling as well.

"Your, um, shirt seems to be all wet." he said, his face turning a little pink as he stared down at my chest. I looked down and turned a deep red myself. My white band t shirt was now completely see through, and go figure, I opted out for my bra tonight.

"Oh my god." I said and crossed my arms across my chest. "I am so sorry!"

"Not at all." he grinned. "Here," he said, once he managed to pull his eyes away from my chest. He took off his sweat shirt and pulled off his t shirt, leaving his bare chest completely exposed. I could feel my body heat rising as I stared at his naked chest. His perfectly sculpted abs flexed as he handed me his t shirt. "put this on."

I couldn't take my eyes away from his stomach, and I found my eyes seeping further down to notice the perfect v that formed just above his low hanging jeans. My imagination began to get away from me as I imagined what was underneath those sexy jeans of his. He stood there, holding the t shirt in his hands and cleared his throat, grabbing my attention. Holy shit! That body had me in a complete daze.

I looked up to his face, which was now full of amusement. I was caught in the act, and he knew full well what I was thinking. "Thanks." I muttered in embarrassment.

"My pleasure." he chuckled and took my now empty cup from me and tossed it into a nearby trash can. I slipped his t shirt over my head and I could have died just from the smell. I never imagined what Criss Angel would smell like, but if I had, it wouldn't have done justice to what he really smelled like.

"So, Lana, why aren't you with the rest of the V.I.P.s?" He asked as he zipped up his sweat shirt, taking away my perfect view.

"Um, I'm.. not.. V.I.P." I said sheepishly.

"Really? You do know this is a restricted area, right?" He raised an eyebrow and grinned crookedly.

"I know, I, um, just, uh, needed some quiet for, a, uh, minute." I stumbled over my words.

"You could get into a lot of trouble being back here." he cracked a smile, obviously amused.

"I know. I know, I'm sorry. I was just on my way back to my seat." I said quickly.

"Ma'am, this area is for the band and V.I.P. members only." I heard a booming voice say from behind me, almost right on cue. I felt a hand snake around my shoulder. I closed my eyes tightly and bit down on my lip. Shit! Now I really was busted. I turned to see the man holding my shoulder was no joke, he had to be at least six foot three, definitely a bodyguard. If his black suit didn't give it away, his broad shoulders and straight face did.

"It's okay John, she's with me." Criss interjected. I looked up at Criss in confusion. I was with him? Criss flashed a smile and winked at me.

"Sorry Criss." John said, "make sure she gets a badge. Don't want anyone thinking the pretty little lady doesn't belong here." John looked down at me with accusation on his face, giving me a quick once over before he turned and walked away.

"Thanks." I said quietly. Could this night get any worse? Ugh! I was going to hate myself for this later.

"No problem. Just don't make a habit of it." he chuckled. "What are you doing back here anyway?" he asked and folded his arms across his chest.

"I had to make a phone call, it's too noisy out there and I was starting to get a headache. Lame, I know." I laughed slightly, trying to preserve whatever dignity I had left. He smiled and looked to the floor, great, here it comes. I'm about to be booted.

I cleared my throat. "Anyways, I should be going." I said, hoping I could walk away before he threw me out.

"Well, the concert doesn't start for another fifty minutes, if you want to hang back here." he said in a softer voice and shrugged. Was he getting shy? Why the hell would he be getting shy around me?

"I've got a friend meeting me here, I should really," I started. The look on his face almost broke my heart in two. Was he really that disappointed that I wouldn't stay? "but.. I can stay until she calls." I said, unsure of what was really going on.

"Well, this way you can take a breather and let your anxiety settle down." He smiled, his face relaxing and brightening a little more.

"How did you know?" I asked in confusion.

"I'm good at reading people. I can tell you don't really like big crowds, it's written all over your face." He smirked.

I chuckled. "Actually, yea, never did enjoy loads of people all crammed into one room." I admitted. He smiled and led me to a sofa that sat near by.

"I'm really sorry about running into you like that." I said as we took a seat on the couch, not really sure of what else to say. I could feel the growing tension between us, and I wasn't sure if I could hold myself back from jumping his bones. Not that he would mind, from the way he'd been looking at me the whole time, I could tell it was on his mind too.

"Oh don't worry about it. I've met a lot of people in my life and I've had some unbelievable encounters. Some of them you would think I made up. Although, you would have to be the first person who has made the term 'run into' a literal." he chuckled, making me laugh along with him.

"You've got a beautiful smile." he said and bit down on his lip. Did I just hear him correctly? I wasn't sure if he meant to say that out loud.

"Thanks." I smiled up at him. I didn't know what else to say. I cleared my throat. "So, are you here for the concert?" I asked. I knew Sully, the lead singer of Godsmack, was his best friend. Although, I did find it strange that he would come all the way to Michigan just for a concert that he could have in his own backyard any time he wanted.

"Actually a friend of mine is having his birthday party this weekend. You might know him, Ted Nugent?"

"Motor city mad man! Of course I know him. I grew up with his music!" I smiled. "Well, I don't _know_ him, but I know _of_ him." I corrected myself. "He lives like ten miles away from me, although I've never met him. But from what I hear he doesn't actually live in his house around here, he lives in Texas doesn't he?"

"Yea, he usually stays down there. He comes up here during hunting season, lord knows he loves to hunt." Criss chuckled. "Anyway, last years birthday party was a disaster. The paparazzi showed up and started hounding everyone, and well, with Teds attitude things didn't end well. Lots of things got broke and Ted was lucky he wasn't arrested. So this year he decided to have the party in Michigan. Less paparazzi and less of a chance to get thrown in jail." Criss laughed.

"Plus, whether the man likes to admit it or not," he leaned in closer to me, "he's a redneck." he whispered.

"What are you trying to say?" I said, acting as if I took offense to his comment. His face turned a shade of red and his eyes grew wide.

"I am so, sorry. I didn't mean to offend. I wasn't calling you a redneck, I was referring to Michigan, er, Michiganders, er, oh god." he stumbled over his words, searching for the right thing to say. "Not Michigan but people from Michigan, shit, you're from Michigan, um, er," he was speaking so fast that it was almost hard to understand him.

Unable to keep a straight face any longer, I broke out into laughter. He stopped rambling and glared at me.

"What the hell is so funny?" he asked.

"Criss, honestly, I'm not offended. Calm. Down." I managed to say in between laughs.

"Alright, ha ha, very funny." he rolled his eyes.

"I'm sorry. Whew. You have to admit, that was great. You should have seen the look on your face." I teased. He laughed along with me for a few minutes before either of us were able to breath enough to talk.

"So, are you from around here?" he asked.

"Yep." I admitted in disappointment. I hated living in Michigan. The economy was shit and so was the weather for that matter. But, my family all lived in Michigan and I was very close to my family.

"You don't sound too thrilled." he stated. "Why the resentment towards Michigan?" he asked. "It's a beautiful state if you ask me."

I sighed and leaned back into the couch. "Not really resentment, just disappointment." I said. Criss raised an eyebrow in question.

"I'm not too fond of the cold, and the snow. The economy sucks here, my family has been fortunate enough to stay afloat, but I can't say that for everyone I know." I explained. I didn't really want to go into detail, it was a depressing issue for me and I didn't really want to get myself in a bad mood.

"So why not just leave?" he asked.

"My family is here, and my friends, my career, my life is here. It's not something I can easily walk away from. Family means everything to me." I explained further.

"I understand," he said, "my family means a lot to me as well. My family and I grew up in New York, and making the decision to move to Las Vegas was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. At that time I didn't have much money, so I had to leave my mom and brothers to go to Vegas. Now, they pretty much live with me in Vegas. My mom kept the house in New York and stays there, she comes to visit a lot though. My brothers have their own places in New York and Las Vegas, but they're mostly in Vegas so they can help me out with my show and things." he explained.

He pressed his lips together, almost as if he said too much. I didn't mind, I wanted to talk to him, I had always wondered what it would be like to talk to a celebrity. Not to talk to them but to actually have a conversation with one.

"I'm sorry, I try not to talk about myself too much." he explained to me when he noticed my confusion about his sudden silence.

"No, its okay, really. I enjoy hearing it." I reassured him with a smile. He smiled back at me, but I could tell that was the last he was going to volunteer his personal information.

"So, um, how old are you? I mean, you look really young." he asked me, obviously trying to change topics.

"Hasn't anyone told you never to ask a woman her age?" I laughed. "I'm twenty five. And yes, I know, I look really young for my age. Which isn't a bad thing, I guess."

"You're very beautiful." Criss smiled.

"Hardly." I mumbled and looked to the floor. He lifted my chin with his finger and looked into my eyes.

"No, but you are." he said softly. His eyes bore into mine and it was beginning to make me feel self conscious.

"Thanks." I mumbled and stared back into his eyes. I couldn't help but notice that there seemed to be some deep and unavoidable connection between us, and I had to admit, it was starting to frighten and excite me all at the same time.

I couldn't believe this was really happening, that I was sitting here having a normal conversation with Criss Angel. But this wasn't Criss Angel, not the one on TV at least, this was a different man. I started to imagine what life would be like with a guy like him.

Id always had a crush on Criss Angel, even though I was twenty five and he was forty three, he definitely didn't look his age, and from what I saw on television, he certainly didn't act his age either. I shivered as my thoughts took me places where they didn't need to be. Just then, as if fate had intervened, Jo texted me. Criss dropped his finger from my face and looked away.

"That's Jo. She's probably freaking out cause I'm not in our seats. I should probably go." I told him with much disappointment. "I guess I should give you this back." I said as I stood up and began to take off his shirt.

"Keep it." He quickly said before I managed to get it over my head. "Don't want you walking around with your, um, shirt like that." he said and his face started to turn a little pink again.

"Thanks." I mumbled softly, trying not to become embarrassed again. I turned to walk away when I heard him call my name.

"Yea?" I asked, turning back around to face him. He stood up and took a couple steps towards me.

"Can I, um, have your number?" He asked in a quiet voice, almost shy like. Again with the shyness, what was up with that?

"I would, but I was raised never to give your number to a stranger." I joked, trying to lighten his mood. Was I flirting? He grinned and chuckled.

"But I'm no stranger, I'm Criss Angel." he said with a crooked smile.

"And why would Criss Angel want _my_ number?" I _was_ flirting! Criss shrugged.

"In case I have to file a lawsuit. I think you broke a rib or two when you ever so violently and carelessly ran into me." He was trying his hardest to contain his smile and seem serious.

"I'd love to see you try. I don't go down easily." I played along. He laughed and shook his head.

"I'll have to remember that." he grinned at me. Was that a sexual reference he just made? My jaw dropped at his comment. He flashed me a quick smile to confirm my suspicion.

"Truth is, I really like you." he admitted. I glared at him, trying to figure out his angle. How could he like me? I was some random stranger that he ran into. I was nothing special and I certainly wasn't within his range of life style.

"Its not every day that I meet someone like you. Someone who actually knows who I am and doesn't have a seizure over meeting me, specially someone who acts like themselves around me. I would like to get to know you better, if that's okay with you." He said.

I decided that instead of arguing his whys, I would accept what he said and see where things went. Although, I knew I was setting myself up. He was a big time celebrity and I was a nobody, it wasn't going to go anywhere, he probably wouldn't even call. I held my hand out for his phone and typed in my number once he gave it to me. I handed it back to him and smiled. He looked happy. This was so weird, like, off the radar weird.

"So, Teds birthday party is this weekend. I was wondering if you'd like to come with me?" Criss asked, staring down at the ground. Was he asking me out on a date? I couldn't believe my ears. I couldn't believe this was actually happening.

"I would love to, but I was supposed to go to a different party this weekend." I told him.

"Oh." He said with sadness. Why did he want me to go so bad? Now I felt bad for telling him no, but what could I do? My obligations were obviously going to be with my best friend.

"I mean, its not that I don't want to. But my friend Jo, she was really looking forward to going and I don't want to disappoint her." I explained in hopes to cheer him up. He looked up at me.

"You can bring her too." he said with a smile. "You can bring anyone you want." I sat back and thought about it for a moment. I would love to go to a party with none other than Criss Angel. And I was sure Jo wouldn't care which party she went to, as long as she went to a party, and I'm sure being surrounded by a bunch of celebrities would turn her into a little school girl.

"Is Sully gonna be there?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Why? You got a thing for Sully?" Criss asked, almost defensively.

"Haha, no, but Jo does. If he's gonna be there, then she'll definitely go." I laughed as I explained.

"Of course, he will be there." Criss chuckled. Even better! Jo would freak when she found out about this one. There was no way I was going to turn him down now. Going out on a date with Criss Angel _and_ hooking my best friend up with Sully. Perfect!

"Then yes, we will go." I said trying not to let my excitement leak out. His smile turned into a grin and he nodded.

"Good. I will call you some time this week then." he responded. We both stood for a moment, neither of us wanting to say goodbye, but both of us knowing we had to.

"Well, it was really nice to meet you Criss." I finally said and held my hand out to him. Instead of shaking my hand, he took it in his and kissed the top of it.

"The pleasure was all mine, Ms. Lana." he gave me a sexy smile and I just about melted right then and there. "Have a wonderful night and enjoy the concert." he said.

I wasn't sure of what else to do or say, so I smiled and headed to the door. I was well aware of Criss watching me as I walked away. Just to be certain, I took one last glance over my shoulder before the door slammed behind me. He was _so_ checking me out!

I couldn't help it, I squealed like a school girl and jumped up and down, practically the whole way back to my seat.

"Where have you been? Tell me you grabbed me a beer? Where did you get that shirt? You're swimming in it." Jo asked as I took a seat next to her. Her anxiety for the concert obviously giving her a run for her money.

"Dude, you are _never_ gonna believe what just happened."

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><p><em>AN: I definitely changed this first chapter up. I just wasn't happy with how they originally met. I mean, c'mon, meeting at walmart.. lame.. lol.. So anyone who has read this story before, and has just now read this new version, please, let me know what you think! Do you like it more than the walmart version? As always, thank you so much for reading :)_


	2. Power of love

**Power of Love**

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><p><em>Don't need money, don't take fame,<em>

_Don't need to credit card to ride this train,_

_Its strong and its sudden, and its cruel sometimes,_

_But it might just save your life,_

_That's the power of love_

_Huey Lewis & the news – Power of Love_

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><p><strong>CPOV<strong>

What the hell was wrong with me? I hardly knew that girl and I couldn't stop thinking about her. It was kind of upsetting me. Not the fact that I liked her, but how little I knew about her.

I just couldn't grasp the hold this girl had on me. Why her? I met millions of girls every year. But why out of all of them was I stuck on her? I liked the fact that she seemed herself around me, and that she didn't seem to bashful. Most girls couldn't handle themselves when they meet me. Screaming, jumping around, some of them would even go as far as to act like complete fools, and some just sit there dumb founded with their mouths open, unable to say anything. I didn't mind, I rather enjoyed it.

I loved my fans, but with the past relationships, I had I guarded myself closely. Yea, occasionally a girl to fool around with, but I never could seem to find someone I could see myself with. Someone calm and cool enough to be herself around me. Lana seemed like that type of girl. The type of girl who could handle anything life throws at her, including me. Someone I could see myself marrying.

Marriage. I shuttered at the thought. It wasn't that I didn't want to get married again. I just never really thought about it. After my first marriage, I tried to side step that whole thought all together. JoAnn and I had a great relationship, until the show, and the fame. Then things started to get strange. I guess she couldn't handle me being in the spotlight. Understandably. I had millions of girls throwing themselves at me.

It was just too bad JoAnn didn't seem to understand that I'm a one girl kind of guy, but then again the tabloids didn't help with that. With the whole Cameron Diaz thing. I laughed quietly at the thought. That was just one big mess, but that's the life of a celebrity. Everything you read is never true, but no one else believes you when you say its all lies. I guess that's why JoAnn did what she did. I didn't blame her, if I were in her shoes I wouldn't know what to think either. Of course she didn't have to be so cut throat about it. And then my two failed engagements. After Sandra I gave up the idea of looking for a relationship.

I took in a deep breath and let it out. But that was the thing about Lana, she didn't seem to be anything like that. She knew who I was and yet she kept her cool. She was having a conversation with me as if I were just a simple man she met at a concert. Yea, I didn't know much about her, which is why I had to get to know her better. Then I went back to my original thought. Why her?

It had to be something. Her eyes? Those brilliant blue eyes of hers? Or maybe the way her dark brown curly hair went so well with her pale skin? Or how those red and blonde highlights matched my personality so well? How her hair fell perfectly onto the middle of her back?

She had the most perfect body, not too skinny but not over weight; perfect. The curves of her body and her perfect hour glass figure. She had a body that any woman would kill for. And as much as I didn't want to admit it, my dick got hard every time I thought about those perky breasts. They seemed too big for her small little frame, but I wasn't going to say that I didn't enjoy seeing her pink nipples stick out underneath that tight wet shirt.

I shook my head, shaking away the thoughts before I had to take another cold shower. Those were all great features, but it was something more. Something linking me to this girl. Some unknown force. I couldn't figure it out, but some how I had to find out why I needed more of her! I needed to see her again! Before Saturday.

I sighed at the thought, Saturday was so far away. I didn't know if I could last until Saturday. Maybe I could call Costa and have him figure out where she worked, or better yet, where she lived. I didn't really like the idea of tracking her down, but all I had was her name and a number. I wanted to see her again; I _had_ to see her again, but I wanted the element of surprise.

Sounding strange coming from me, but I was afraid of her not liking me. What if she didn't? What if I wasn't her type, or she couldn't handle being seen with me? Couldn't handle being in the spotlight, the Criss Angel spotlight? I didn't like those thoughts at all. I didn't know what I would do if any of those were the case. My need for her was just too strong, I didn't want anything to make this harder than it needed to be.

I wondered if she had felt the way I did. If she had felt that same pull that I felt. One that seemed to be so strong, that I felt I was literally being drawn towards her. I knew she felt it, I could tell by the way she looked at me, she had definitely felt that immense attraction between us. A feeling that was so intense that it was undeniable.

I tossed and turn in my bed, having thoughts I wasn't to thrilled about keeping me up. I rolled over and glanced at the clock. Shit! 4:24. At this rate, I'm never going to sleep.

I closed my eyes and tried to imagine Lana. Imagine what life would be like with her by my side. I pictured us at the Luxor hotel in Las Vegas. Surrounded by thousands of people screaming, waiting for just a glimpse of my new girlfriend. I imagined us walking through the doors and hearing the uproar as everyone caught sight of us. What all of my fans would see.

They saw me walking through the front doors, with my arm around the shoulder of a gorgeous Brunette, with beautiful blue eyes and a body that could kill. I could hear the cries of the girls who knew they no longer have a chance with me, and the grunts of the guys who were jealous of the beauty I had beside me. I could feel my heart beat as it skipped beats, not because of the excitement, but because I finally had what my heart always desired. Her.

I felt my body jump as my alarm clock began to blare. I smacked the snooze button as quickly as I could find it. Rolling over and letting out a groan of defeat I looked at the clock. What? Eight O'clock. I must have fallen asleep. Better late than never.

I tossed the blankets off, sat up and threw my hands over my face. I was so exhausted, but I had things to do. Then it hit me. It was a new day. I immediately reached for my blackberry and quickly dialed Costa.

"Hello." Costa answered after about 6 rings and sounding groggy.

"Hey Costa, its Criss."

"Criss? Do you know what time it is?" His tone turning from sleepy to annoyed.

"Yea its eight in the morning."

"Nooo, its five in the morning." He said angry this time

"Oh crap. I'm sorry man, I forgot about the time differences."

"Times differences? Where are you at?" Costa suddenly sounded awake and alert.

"Michigan."

"What the hell are you doing there?" He sounded surprised.

"Teds birthday, remember. Didn't you get the invite?"

"Oh that's right, yea, I forgot, not really awake yet. We're flying in Friday morning. Anyways, since I'm up with no chance of getting back to sleep now, what did you need?" Costa asked.

"I'm really sorry about that Bro, I didn't realize." I apologized.

"Criss its fine, really, now spit it out."

"I need you to look someone up for me." I finally confessed.

"Who?"

"A girl," I hesitated, waiting for the speech. When I didn't hear a response I continued. "Her name is Lana Lovegrove."

"And who might this Lana Lovegrove be?" Costa asked with a hint of disapproval. I knew it was coming soon or later.

"Shes just a girl I met, and I want to meet more of. Please Costa don't give me the speech this time. Can you find what I need or not?"

"Of course I can Criss. Just be careful, okay?"

"You know I always am."

Costa sighed. "And I'm to assume that this girl is from Michigan?"

"Yea, the Jackson area."

"Alright." he sighed. "Ill call you back by nine. Which would be noon your time."

"Ok, thanks Brother, I really appreciate it." I said.

"Yea yea, Just watch yourself okay?"

"I will."

"Alright, love you little bro."

"Love you too." I hit the end call button and flopped back onto the bed.

I was too anxious. I wanted to see her now, I couldn't wait. I needed to get my mind off of it. I let out a long breath and headed for the shower. With everything that I had to do today, I was bound and determined to make time to see her. If everything went right, it would only be a couple of hours before I could see her again.


	3. Hips dont lie

**Hips don't lie**

* * *

><p><em>And when you walk up on the dance floor<em>

_Nobody cannot ignore the way you move your body, girl_

_And everything so unexpected, the way you right and left it_

_So you can keep on shaking it_

_I never really knew that she could dance like this_

_She make a man want to speak Spanish_

_Shakira – Hips don't lie_

* * *

><p>With the Jennifer Lopez in the background, I let myself go. Spinning freely, not even thinking about the moves, just going with what felt right. Music was my sanity and dancing was my freedom. In between classes I liked to take some time to myself and let the stress melt off of me with the music as loud as it could be, today, it was the loudest its been in a while.<p>

Wednesdays were usually my calmest days, middle of the week, and I had my favorite class today, but today was not a normal day. I hadn't exactly been stressed lately, but I did have a lot on my mind. Today the music and dance was an attempt to keep my mind busy.

What could have my mind going? Criss Angel! I could not believe I ran into him, and that I got asked out on a semi date by him. I didn't know what it meant. I didn't want to over think it, I didn't want to get my hopes up. Too many years of being let down will make you not want to get excited about things anymore, but how could I not? There was definitely something that happened between us. Something so intense that I wasn't sure if I was making it up.

Was this really a dream come true? When I woke up the next morning, I kept telling myself that it was just a dream. I was still convinced it was. What other possibility could there be? That I had imagined it? That would explain a lot, the fact that I had completely lost my marbles.

But if it wasn't a dream and I hadn't imagined it, it was still too good to be true. He wasn't going to call. It was probably a mind trick he was doing for his show or something. There was no birthday party, there was going to be no phone calls, and there definitely wasn't going to be Criss Angel. That kind of fantasy life didn't exist for me.

I continued to spiral away in my dance, lost in my thoughts. If anyone had walked in at that moment, their jaws would have dropped. There was no professionalism in my dancing right then. Just freelancing. It kind of reminded me of the movie _Flashdance_. Just all over the place, out of control, need to get it out, dancing.

Suddenly the music shut off. I froze in mid step and looked over to the stereo. A coworker, Marie, stood in front of it. "You've got a visitor." She said quietly and nudged her chin towards the doorway her eyes practically popping out of her head.

I followed her gaze and there he was, standing in the doorway, looking hotter than ever. His shoulder was leaning against the door frame, his arms folded across his chest and one leg criss crossed in front of the other. He was wearing his usual sexy outfit: Dark jeans with a chain hanging off his back pocket, his usual black boots, a black t shirt, and a light green dickies jacket, and of course all his jewelry.

His chin length bangs fell over his right eye. I was glad that he changed his hair back, I didn't mind the long black, but the short brown with blond highlights made me want to fuck him right where he stood. And it didn't help my case that he was just standing there staring at me, with a grin of amusement on his face. A shiver ran down my spine just looking at him. I could've jumped on him right then and there.

I jumped up into a straight position and tried to brush off my embarrassment. "What in the hell are you doing here? How did you even find out where _here_ is? I mean, how'd you know where I worked? How long have you been standing there?" I fumbled for the right thing to say.

He pushed off the door frame with his shoulder and started walking towards me, his smile growing larger. I looked over at Marie and she knew what I was thinking. She headed towards the door and left the room.

"I've been here long enough." He said as he approached me, not trying to hide that his eyes slid up and down my body.

I looked down at myself and suddenly felt very self conscious. I wasn't aware that I was going to be seeing him today, otherwise I would have worn something a little cuter. My gray sweat pants hung low on my hips and were extra baggy around my thighs, and well, I was wearing a top that was in between a belly shirt, and a sports bra. At least this time it wasn't see through. My hair was thrown into a pony tail high up on my head, and I was sure by now I had strands that stuck to my forehead. I was a mess, and I was standing in front of Criss Angel, looking like a mess.

"Do you always dance that hard?" he asked when he stopped in front of me.

"I'm sorry you had to witness that, I'm really not that bad, I promise." I laughed, embarrassed. I found it hard to keep eye contact with him, his eyes made my stomach do flips, so I tried my best to keep my eyes averted.

"Not at all! I've never seen someone move like that. You've got some talent." he grinned.

I blushed and looked down at the floor. "Thanks."

"You are very welcome." He said and smiled down at me. I walked over to where my water bottle sat, Criss followed right behind me. I took a large swig and then wiped my face with a nearby towel, in a sad attempt to make myself look somewhat decent.

"So, back to my original question. What are you doing here? And how'd you know where I worked?" I asked and took another swig of my water.

"I asked my brother to do some digging for me." He confessed. "Don't worry, I'm not all psycho stalker, I just wanted to see you again. I couldn't wait till Saturday." He said with his palms up into the air.

I was taken by surprise hearing him say that. "Well that's a relief, last thing I need is another stalker." I joked. "You could have just called, I mean, I did give you my number for a reason." I teased him.

He shrugged. "I wanted to surprise you."

I looked around for somewhere he could sit, but it was a dance studio, we didn't really have a need for chairs, at least in the dance rooms themselves. "I'd offer you a place to sit, but we don't approve of sitting around here." I joked some more.

"Nah its fine, I'm use to standing." He said.

"So, what now?" I chuckled a little embarrassed.

"I just wanted to talk. Get to know you a little better."

I looked at the clock on the wall. "I would more than love to, but I've got a class in about 5 minutes."

"Would you mind if I stayed and watched?" He asked.

"I wouldn't, but my students might. I'm sure they all know who you are. You're gonna upset the balance." I laughed.

"Ahh, but I came prepared." He laughed and pulled a plain black ball cap out of his back pocket. He put it on and pulled it down so you could only see half of his face, then pulled up his hood from his jacket. He looked up at me and smiled.

"They wont even know its me." he grinned. I looked him up and down. The skulls on his jeans clearly said 'Criss Angel', his affliction t shirt right along with it, and his jewelry, well they all said 'I'm none other than Criss Angel'. I shook my head and laughed.

"Criss, I hate to break it to you, but you're gonna need more than that." He looked down at himself and then back at me. He thought for a moment and then held up his finger. He zipped up his coat and shoved his hands into his pockets.

"Better?" he asked with a grin. I laughed and nodded.

"A little. Alright, but if you're a distraction, I'm kicking you out of my class." I laughed again.

"Yes ma'am!" He laughed back and gave me a salute.

"Okay, well I have to get things around, I really don't mean to be rude."

"Not at all, I understand how it is. Work's work right? Ill just sit over here and enjoy the show." He said as a smile grew on his face.

Criss walked to the wall opposite of the mirrors and sat on the floor, pulling his knees up to his chest and slipping his hands into his coat sleeves. With his hat dipped so low, it was kind of hard to tell exactly who he was. I sighed and went on preparing for my next class. I was just hoping him being here wasn't going to make me nervous.

I grabbed a pile of cds and started to go through them, looking for the right one. Just as I was putting a cd in the player my class started to pile in. I could hear the gasps and whispers the minute they walked in. Obviously they already noticed a guy sitting against the wall. I patiently waited for everyone to take their places.

I understood why they were surprised, I never had anyone sitting in the room with me, I just hoped they couldn't tell who he was. I shot an uneasy glance at Criss and silently told myself there was no way they knew it was him.

"Who's that?" one of my students asked. Jessie, she was always the outspoken one, not afraid to say anything that was on her mind. She was my favorite student, go figure.

I tossed a glance over my shoulder. "Just.. a friend." I told her. If friend was the right word.

"Alright guys listen up." I smacked my hands together, hoping to bring their attention to me and away from the mystery man.

"We've got four weeks until our performance and we still have a lot of work to do. I really hope you guys have been practicing at home, cause as you know, this ones not easy." I said. They all nodded. "Good." I smiled, "Alright, lets do this." I hit play on the cd remote and took my place in front of them.

"five, six, seven, eight." I counted and threw my arms out as I began the routine, they all followed my moves behind me.

I watched the mirror, trying to making sure my students were following the moves correctly, but I found it hard to concentrate on anything. I could see Criss watching from the mirror, his head following my every move, and it was hard to focus on anything else.

I was thankful that I knew the routine by heart, other wise I would have screwed up every thirty seconds. And in knowing the routine like no other, I found myself popping my hips a little harder than normal, shaking my ass a little sexier and I got a fluttering feeling in my stomach when I noticed Criss tense up every time I moved my ass. I needed to knock it off before my class caught on.

We went through the routine at least a dozen times, stopping every now and then when I needed to help someone with a step. After a while I decided to let them practice on their own, they did pretty well without my instruction, which made me happy, because their performance wasn't that far away.

I grabbed my towel from off the floor and walked to Criss. I desperately attempted to wipe off as much sweat as I could, I didn't want to scare him off. I took a seat against the wall beside him, but not too close, I wasn't sure how badly I stunk. Why did he have to come visit when I was all sweaty?

After several minutes, when class was over, I took a big gulp of my water bottle and got back up. "Alright guys, that was great! And I'll see you guys next week. Make sure you practice! Practice, practice, practice." I said as I approached them to dismiss the class.

Criss cleared his throat, making me look over at him. He had a huge grin on his face and he pushed himself off the wall and got to his feet, taking off his disguise as he walked to me. What the hell was he doing? I flashed him a pleading glance. They were going to recognize him!

"Hey guys," He said as he approached us and stood next to me.

The moment their eyes locked onto who was standing next to me they gasped and froze, their eyes all snapped to me. I laughed nervously and gave Criss a 'what the fuck' look. Criss grinned down at me and winked. Realizing my mouth hung open in shock, I snapped it shut and tried to compose myself. What was he _doing_?

"I'm Criss Angel, nice to meet you all." No one said anything for a few minutes until finally someone finally yelled out 'do a trick'. I looked to Criss and he just smiled.

"Okay, you all want to see something?" He asked. They instantly got hyped and started clapping and shouting 'yeah', the shock apparently now gone.

"Alright, lets see what I can do." He reached into his front pocket and pulled out a deck of cards. "Okay, you," he said pointing to one of my students, Jessica "and you," he said again and pointed to another student, Tim "can you guys come over here for a second?" They both smiled and walked over to him. He shook Jessicas hand. "Hi whats your name?"

"Jessica." She said shyly.

"Hi Jessica, nice to meet you." He shook Tims hand and asked "and your name is?"

"Tim."

"Hi Tim, nice to meet you. Okay, now, I've got a deck of cards here and I'm gonna show you something." He fanned out the cards to Tim and then to Jessica. "Now I'm showing you guys that this is a normal deck of cards. This is not a trick deck. There are 52 cards in the deck. Fair?" He asked Tim. Tim nodded. "Fair?" He then asked Jessica.

"Yeah." Jessica said.

"Okay, so now, Jessica, I want you to pick a card, doesn't matter which one, any card you want." He said to Jessica holding the deck upside down and fanning them out. Jessica grabbed a card and placed it against her chest. "Now I want you to look at that card, show Tim, show everyone what that card is, you can even show me it doesn't matter." Jessica flipped the card over, looked at it, and then showed it to Tim, then flashed it over to the rest of the class to show them. "What card do you have?" Criss asked.

"The nine of spades." Jessica told him.

"Nine of spades. Okay, now Tim," he said as he pulled out a black marker from his pocket, "what I want you to do is make this card unique," he handed him the marker, "I want you to sign that card, anyway you want to, any name you want to, doesn't matter, the idea is to make this card the most unique card in the world. There wont be another on this earth like it." Tim signed the card and handed the marker to Criss.

"Perfect, now what I'm gonna do," he took the card from Tim, "is I'm gonna sign my name on this card as well, make it really unique."

Criss signed the card and held it up for everyone to see. It had Tims full name, Timothy Kacklen, and Criss' name written on it. He handed the card back to Jessica.

"Now what I want you to do is place the card back in the deck, anywhere you want, doesn't matter where," he said as he fanned out the deck to her, "I'm not gonna look either." He turned his head and put his face into my shoulder, holding one hand over his eyes, with the other hand holding the deck. I got a few giggles from a couple of the girls and another 'oh my god' looks from a couple others. Why was he doing this to me? They were never going to leave me alone now, how the hell was I supposed to explain it to _them_?

"Okay, done." Jessica said and bounced backwards in excitement.

"Good," He handed the deck to Tim, "Now I want you to shuffle the deck, any way you want, as much as you want." Tim shuffled the deck about five times and cut it twice, then handed it back to Criss.

Criss then handed the whole deck back to Jessica. "Now, Jessica, I want you to go through that deck and find your card." Jessica flipped through the deck, twice.

"Its not in there." Jessica said.

"What? Are you serious?" Criss said, sounding surprised. "Go through it again." Jessica went through the deck again.

"Its not there." she said shaking her head.

"You're not playing with me are you? Its really not in there?" Criss asked Jessica. She shook her head no.

"Wow, this is embarrassing." Criss said as he ran a hand through his hair. "What did you say your card was again?" He asked Jessica.

"Nine of spades."

"Wow, that's crazy! Cause you know what I see?" He said. "If you look behind you, I see a nine of spades." He said pointing over to the mirrors on the wall behind the students, the mirrors were about 20 feet away from where Criss was standing.

The card was stuck randomly in the middle of one of them. They all turned and looked behind them and started yelling. "Come here," He said as he grabbed Tim and Jessicas hands. He led them over to the mirrors and stood beside where the card was.

Criss pointed to the card, "Is that your signature Tim?" He asked.

Tim walked over to the card and pulled it off, "That's my signature." Tim said excitedly.

"Is that your card?" He asked Jessica.

Jessica walked to Tim, Tim handed her the card. "The nine of spades! Oh my god! How did you do that." Jessica yelled.

The class broke into an uproar and they all started clapping and yelling. I was shocked myself. I watched the whole thing, I didn't see him for one second make any misdirections or anything. He was beside me the whole time. It was so much better seeing it in person, and so much more mind boggling.

Criss went around the group and shook all their hands, they all introduced themselves and asked a few questions. He gave out a few hugs and chatted with them.

Finally when I realized that they were never going to leave unless forced I walked to them. "Alright guys, its time to go. There's another class due here in a little bit. I hate to cut things short, but we gotta go." They all moaned and groaned, a few of them shook Criss' hand one last time and they scooted out the door.

"Wow." I said as I walked over to him. "That was crazy, I watched you the whole time. How the hell did you do that?" I asked.

He just smiled at me. "The closer you look, the less you see." he answered.

I laughed. "Well, thanks for doing that for them anyway. I'm now going to be the coolest dance teacher around." I laughed. "Seriously though, thanks, I know they're never going to forget it."

"Its my pleasure. I love entertaining people." He said. "And I love hearing their reactions, it makes my day."

"You are amazing, you know that?" I said. I now understood why he exposed himself to them, he just wanted to see their reactions when he dazzled them with his card trick.

"Not as amazing as you are." He responded back and took a step towards me.

"Flirting again?" I grinned at him. He grinned back but didn't respond.

"You are amazing, you're an amazing dancer, and you were amazing with those kids." he said as he slid a hand down my arm, making me feel that all too familiar tingle that I felt with him before.

"Criss, its what I do." I shrugged.

"Yea, and you're great at it." he leaned closer, "and may I just say, your ass is unbelievable." he groaned in a husky voice. "Can you do that move again? Ya know, the one where you," he attempted to imitate me from earlier. I busted up laughing and had to rest my hands on my knees to get some air.

"What?" he asked with a wide grin.

I turned my body so my butt was facing him and started booty popping, faster than I did when I was with the class. I heard him inhale sharply, making me smile to myself. At twenty five, I still had it.

"That one?" I asked when I stood up and faced him. His eyes were wide and he nodded his head in a fast motion.

"God, yea, that one." he grunted. I giggled when he flung me into his body, smacked his hand onto my ass and squeezed. His joke suddenly turned serious when he looked into my eyes. Those damn eyes had a way of making my knees go weak!

"There's something about you Lana. Something I haven't figured out yet." He said as he looked harder into my eyes.

I smiled at him. "You're not trying to hypnotize me are you?" I joked.

He smiled slightly. "I think you've already hypnotized _me_." I tried to look back down at the floor but his hand still held my chin. He pulled my face closer to his so our noses were almost touching.

I heard someone clear their throat behind us, Criss instantly dropped his hand and we both turned to see Marie standing behind us.

"I hate to break this up, but I have a class that's due here any minute."

"Right. Sorry Marie, I completely lost track of time." I apologized.

"I can understand why." Marie chuckled.

"We'll just get out of your way." I said as Criss took my hand and I led the way out.

We walked out to the parking lot and to his rental. "I guess this is where we part our ways?" He said with a frown on his face.

"I don't want to, but if you have things to do."

"I do actually, unfortunately I'm not here on all pleasure." He looked me up and down, making it obvious that he was checking me out, again. "There is some business involved. I've got some running around to do and then I have to meet up with Uncle Ted and prepare for Saturday."

"That's too bad." I bit my lip, trying not to reveal my disappointment.

"Can I see you again?" He asked.

"Id like that." I smiled.

"I will call you when I'm done with things." He smiled and hopped into his car. I watched him drive away until he was completely out of view. I sighed heavily and headed to my truck.


	4. I want you

**I want you**

* * *

><p><em>Ooh I want you,<em>

_I don't know if I need you but,_

_Ooh Id die to find out._

_Savage Garden – I want you_

* * *

><p><strong>CPOV<strong>

My brain wouldn't shut up as I drove around town in my car. I heard the GPS say something, but I wasn't paying attention. I was happy with todays events, more than happy. I just wished I didn't have to leave her.

I wanted a day that I could spend with her and only her, just the two of us. I wanted to know as much about her as I could. Tomorrow would be that day. Today was just so jammed packed. I was only able to spend about an hour with her today, and for me, that just wasn't enough. I couldn't complain though, things turned out pretty well I thought.

"Recalculating" the GPS rang. Shit! That was my turn! I thought as I drove straight past the road I needed. I pulled over into a speedway parking lot and parked in the back, hoping no one would noticed me sitting here. Last thing I needed was freaked out people because they saw me. I snagged my phone and dialed Ted.

"Whats up man?" Ted answered. "Where you at?"

"I'm lost, I'm in a speedway parking lot, don't worry I got my GPS. Hey listen, I was wondering if you still needed help tonight?" I asked.

"Ahh, your brother called me already. Its fine Criss, we got everything handled over here. You go ahead and spend some time with your new fling."

"I don't think this ones a fling man. There's something about her. If you guys need me you know I'm there."

"Criss, don't worry about it man, we got it. We're almost done anyways, and by the time your ass actually figures out where you're going, we'll be done." Ted laughed.

"Alright, thanks, I really appreciate it. You wanna get together tomorrow night? Have a few beers?"

"I would love to brother, Pre Birthday bash smash."

"Sounds great. Ill be at your place round eight then?"

"Why don't you bring along your girl." Ted suggested.

"And subject her to you, I'm not so sure man." I laughed. "Although she will be at the party on Saturday so why the hell not. Ill ask her if shes up for it."

Ted chuckled. "Alright man, Ill see ya tomorrow night then. Cya"

"Later." I said and hung up.

I leaned my head back onto the head rest and took a deep breath. I grabbed the GPS and typed in the address my brother had given me. I sat for a moment and waited for the GPS to find its way, its way to Lanas house.

* * *

><p><strong>LPOV<strong>

It was such a beautiful day for December Michigan weather. The sun was out and it was almost 60 degrees. So of course the only thing standing between me and the outside was my front screen door. I didn't mind leaving my door open, I lived in a good neighborhood. Dirt road, hardly any neighbors, and woods all around. No one even knew my road was on a map, unless of course they lived on it.

I had gone home after Criss left, and hadn't even changed out of my work clothes before I realized it was a mess. I decided to get my house spotless. I had the stereo blaring. Music always motivated me, pretty much to do anything, but I had to listen to music while I cleaned. I had always been that way. It got me going at a quicker pace, and plus, I loved my music.

I worked myself to the bone trying to get my house clean. I was normally a clean freak, my house was always spotless. But since I recently started working as a dance instructor, I hadn't had much time to keep up with my house duties. And hell, I was the only one that lived here, and I was always out and about, so what little mess was made was never seen by anyone. But I still didn't like looking at messes.

I put the finishing touches on the house and decided to do some free style dancing in my living room. I figured what the hell, I hardly had any time to myself lately, and I hadn't danced away in my living room in a long time. I switched my ipod to the next song, which coincidentally was my favorite current song. The song made me want to go crazy every time I heard it. This time wasn't any different. I started shaking my hips every where and moving my arms to the beat.

Out of no where someone came up behind me and placed their hands on my hips. It scared the shit out of me and a jumped forward spinning around to see who it was. Criss. Good thing I cleaned when I did, I thought to myself.

* * *

><p><strong>CPOV<strong>

When I pulled into the driveway I could see the front door was open and the screen door was shut. I could hear music blaring from inside the house. I turned the car off and sat there for a moment, listening, I was trying to figure out what she was listening to. 30 Seconds to Mars. At least she had good taste in music. Never met Jared Leto personally, but he seemed like a pretty cool guy, very down to earth and not stuck on himself, for being a celebrity.

I finally decided to get out of the car when I heard the music switch to something I didn't recognize, some type of pop techno mix. I walked to the door and knocked. But I didn't hear anything or anyone. I knew she was home, her truck was in the driveway and the stereo was blaring.

I knocked again, louder. Nothing. I knocked one last time, as hard as I could without hurting the door. Still nothing. Should I walk in? I thought to myself. She doesn't seem like the type to get mad about that. As long as I'm not ill intended. Finally deciding I reached for the knob and opened the door. I poked my head in and yelled hello. Still no answer. So I decided to follow the music. She was a dancer, where the music was, was where shed be.

I walked into the entry way taking it all in. It was a pretty cozy looking house. Not too big, not too small. Perfect for one person. The entry way walls were white with black trim. Two black and white pictures hung on the closest wall. The opposite side hung a wooden plaque. As I read it I realized what it was. The footprints in the sand poem. Hanging above that was a gold antique looking cross. I smiled to myself as I read the poem.

Something caught the corner of my eye just then. I looked over to my right and saw Lana dancing around in the living room. It made me smile watching her like that. She was making me hott as I stood there and watched her shake her hips all around. The way her body moved was amazing, I had never seen someone who could move like she did, and every time I watched her dance, I couldn't help but think how awesome she would be in bed.

I walked up behind her and placed my hands on her hips. God! Just having my hands rest of her hips made me go crazy. I must have scared the crap out of her because she instantly flew forward and spun around. It looked as if she was ready to punch whoever was behind her. I instinctively flinched backwards. Once she realized who I was she looked at her fist and threw it down to her side. She ran over to the stereo and turned the music down to a soft hum.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." I chuckled, "I knocked but no one answered, and I didn't want to stand out there looking like an idiot all day, I hope you don't mind."

"No. No its alright, you just scared the shit out of me. Dare I ask how you knew where I lived?" She laughed and cocked an eyebrow.

"My brother." I admitted sheepishly. I suddenly felt extremely close to a stalker.

"I think I'm gonna have to meet this brother of yours. Give him a piece of my mind." She laughed. I smiled at her as I studied her body, and what a body it was.

"You're wearing glasses? You weren't wearing them earlier." I asked after noticing the thick black frames resting on her nose.

"Oh these, yea, my eyes are horrible, but I usually wear contacts, the glasses are just for around the house, when no one can see them." She laughed gesturing towards me.

"Oh, don't feel embarrassed, you look hott in them. And a nose ring? Nice." I commented on the little diamond on the side of her nose.

She laughed. "Yep, had that since I was 16, I take it out for work, I usually forget to put it back in."

I looked down to her stomach, noticing she hadn't changed her clothes. I was kind of hoping she would, that outfit was turning me on more than anything. Her shirt exposed her belly button, which now had a ring in it that hung down.

"Any other piercings I should know about?" I asked with obvious dirty intent, still staring at her mid section. I liked how I could flirt with her and she wouldn't flip out.

She looked down to her mid section, then back up at me and she shrugged. "That's a secret." she whispered seductively, sending shivers down my spine. It amazed me how quickly she could get a rise out of me, almost literally. She grinned at me when she noticed her words were having an effect.

"Do you mind if I hop in the shower real quick? I didn't get the chance after work and I don't want to scare you away with my odor." she giggled.

"You smell perfect to me." I grinned. She cocked her head sideways and smiled. "That's fine, Ill wait." I told her.

"Thank you. Ill be quick, make yourself at home." She said over her shoulder as the bathroom door shut behind her.

Instead of sitting down and waiting, I decided to look around. I walked to a bookshelf close to the bathroom. I could hear the splashes as the water hit the bottom of the tub. I smiled to myself when I realized that almost every book she had consisted of two things, romance and Angels. So she was an Angel fan? I huffed a laugh at the coincidence.

Next I moved onto her DVD collection. I couldn't believe my eyes, I scanned the room quickly to see if I could notice any pictures of a boyfriend, nothing as far as I could see. I shook my head in disbelief when I scanned further down the movies. _Iron man, Transformers, Leathal weapon, Sin City. _The collection in front of me look like something a guy would own, not a woman.

I beamed with pride when I noticed the entire DVD collection of _Mindfreak._ Apparently she liked my show enough to own it on DVD. I wasn't sure why, but catching sight of my show on her shelf made me very giddy inside.

Beside the DVD shelves sat her ipod. I was very curious as to what kind of music she liked, naturally, I couldn't resist. I picked up the ipod and scrolled through the music. As I read through the music list, my heart began to race. I was growing more and more fond of this girl with every growing second. Her variety of music was unbelievable. Anything from Adele to Metallica. I noticed most of the music was heavy or alternative rock. And I was pretty sure I had figured out that her favorite band was 30 seconds to mars, considering just about every one of their songs was in her list.

I also noticed a lot of Linkin Park and Breaking Benjamin. She even had some Godsmack and Korn on there. That was a relief to me. Sully, the drummer for Godsmack, was one of my best friends, and I didn't think he would approve of me dating someone who didn't like his band. Johnathan Davis, the lead singer of Korn, as well.

I placed the ipod down and began to look at the pictures that hung on the wall. One looked to be a family portrait. Lana looked a bit younger, high school age I guessed. Lana and three guys that looked to be related to her sat on the ground in front of a fallen tree. On the tree trunk above them sat a woman, who was obviously Lanas mom, the resemblance was uncanny. Next to her mom was a blond haired man with his fingers intertwined with her moms. Her dad? But he didn't look anything like the rest of them.

The picture diagonal from that one was of the same setting. Only this time, it was supposed to be a funny portrait. Lana and the three guys on the ground were pushing, pulling, or kicking one or the other, while Lanas mom leaned over the four of them trying to break things up, and the guy next to Lanas mom tried to console Lanas mom. It made me laugh. It was a great family picture, and it said a lot about Lanas family.

"Are you snooping?" Lana asked from behind me, making me jump slightly. I took a step back and looked behind me. She was leaning against the bathroom door fully clothed already. Her glasses were gone and her jeans were tight, tight enough to make me silently groan. I noticed the Doctor Who t-shirt she had on and laughed to myself.

"Doctor Who huh?" I asked with a grin. She looked down at her shirt and then back up at me.

"You know what Doctor Who is?" she asked surprised.

"Yea, I haven't watched it myself but I have some friends who really enjoy the show." I admitted. She smiled crookedly.

"I _love_ Doctor Who. My favorite show of all time." she said. I gave her a sour look and tried not to smile.

"No Mindfreak?" I asked jokingly.

"Eh," she waved her hand in the air as if to say 'so so'. She laughed and pushed herself off the door and walked towards me. I pointed to the picture.

"Is this your family?" I asked.

"That," she said pointing to the guy sitting beside her, "is Arthur, that's Daniel, and that's Drew, my brothers."

"No sisters?" I asked. She shook her head no. "Older brothers?"

"Yea, I'm the youngest of the four. Only girl. Needless to say I grew up getting the crap kicked out of me." she chuckled.

"Must have been rough." I laughed. She smiled and nodded.

"You have no idea." she laughed. "But, its good for ya I guess, makes ya tough." she smiled.

"And that's your mom?" I asked, pointing to the woman who sat above her. She nodded. "You look a lot like her." I said. She smiled and shrugged. "And who's that?" I asked pointing to the guy next to her mom.

"My, step dad." she answered in a soft voice, I could tell there was more to it than she wanted to say, but I didn't want to push her.

"And that?" I asked, pointing to a small picture that sat on a self. A group of them stood in a wooded area all in a line, and they had on bright yellow life jackets and orange helmets.

"Oh that," she laughed. "That's when we all went white water rafting." she smiled to herself. "That was one hell of a time." she looked as if she was far off in a memory. I loved seeing her smile like that, a smile of true happiness.

"Who's that one?" I asked and pointed to a younger kid standing next to her. She had her arm wrapped around his shoulder and they were both sticking out their tongues as they gave up the rock sign.

"That's my nephew, Michael, but he's more like the little brother I never had. He's fourteen so since we're only eleven years apart, we kind of get along like siblings more than Aunt and Nephew." she explained.

"White water rafting huh? Never been." I said and nodded my head in approval.

"Oh my god, its so much fun!" she said with excitement in her voice.

"So you like that kind of stuff?" I raised an eyebrow at her.

"Hell yea. Rafting, jet ski's, quads, rollercoasters, anything exciting and dangerous." she winked, which sent a shiver down my spine.

Her attitude and personality was turning me on more and more. She liked all the kind of stuff I enjoyed doing, and knowing she was more of a roll around in the dirt kind of girl sank my heart to my feet. At that moment I realized I had finally met my match.

"So, uh, what do you do for fun around here?" I asked, trying to change the subject, the last thing I wanted was to get myself turned on, _again_. After watching that little stunt she pulled at the dance studio, I was finding it hard to control my boners.

"Well, I always like rollerblading." she laughed.

"Rollerblading huh? Could prove to be fun." I suggested. "Do you want to go rollerblading?"

She grinned and tilted her head. "Are you asking me out on a date?" she giggled.

"Maybe." I grinned.

"Well, I hate to break it to you, but I am a master rollerblader, Id make you look bad." she teased.

"Is that so? Betcha ten bucks I'm better than you are." I teased back. It had been a long time since I had been on rollerblades.

"Oh you're on." she laughed and grabbed her coat.


	5. The reason

**The reason**

* * *

><p><em>I found a reason for me,<em>

_to change who I use to be,_

_a reason to start over new,_

_and the reason is you._

_Hoobastank – The Reason_

* * *

><p>We pulled into the parking lot of the local skating rink; I hadn't been there since I was in high school. It still looked the same. I wondered if they still had the old wooden floors. Criss pulled into a parking spot and shut the car off. I sat there a moment looking around, remembering my teen years that had been spent there; remembering the many friends I lost.<p>

My door opened and Criss stood in front of me. I hadn't even realized he had gotten out of the car. He looked at me with a grin on his face. He held his hand out to me.

"Are you ready?" He whispered, sending shivers down my spine. My god! Whenever I heard that simple line uttered it did funny things to my lower areas, but hearing him say it, in person and to me, well, lets just say I found it extremely hard to resist banging him on the hood of the car. I smiled hugely and took his hand as he led the way into the building.

Nothing had changed. The old wooden floors were still there, the bright red side rails still lined the skating floor. Everything was the same, except the new big blue lockers that now lined the walls behind the wooden chairs.

There weren't too many people there, twenty at most. Which was a very low amount, considering I spent most of my teenage years in this building. Criss walked up beside me taking a look around himself. Finally he looked down at me.

"You ready for this?" He asked me with a grin.

I cocked my head sideways and looked at him. "Are you ready to get your ass handed to you?"

"Still think you can take me on huh?" He said in a cocky tone while shaking his head in dismissal.

I grinned and raised my eyebrows at him. "Oh its on now." I laughed.

I pulled on his sweat shirt, dragging him behind me and headed to the skate counter. We told them our sizes and each got handed a pair of roller blades. I led Criss back to the wooden chairs and sat down to put on my blades.

Criss sat beside me and started strapping up his blades. "So you spent a lot of time here?" He questioned me.

I smiled as the memories flooded my mind. "Oh yea, lots of memories here. Got lots of broken bones, bruises, and scars from this place. And many fights." I laughed.

"Ah, so you're a trouble maker huh?" He teased. I looked up at him and laughed.

"You can admit it, I knew it from the first time we met. Sneaking backstage. You're a trouble maker." he nudged my shoulder and laughed.

"Well, I kind of was." I laughed with him. "My mom and I butted heads pretty badly as a teen, my friends were my life, and this was what we enjoyed doing the most. Other than getting drunk. Hell, sometimes we'd get drunk and go blading." I giggled. "But we were here every weekend, all weekend. That's why Jo and I are so close. We met our freshmen year, been inseparable ever since, her and I spent every waking moment together," I nudged my chin to the skating floor, "most of it was here."

"But that doesnt mean Im still a trouble maker." I teased. "At least not as bad." I laughed.

Criss stared at me for a moment. "My little trouble maker." he laughed and went back to his rollerblades.

_His? His _troublemaker? For some reason, I liked that sound of that.

I snapped my last strap into place and stood up. I held my hand out to him and whispered, "Are you ready?"

Criss stopped strapping his blade and looked up at me, still bent over, he stared at me straight faced for a second before bursting into laughter. He smacked his hand down on his last strap and took my hand.

"Ready." He said with a grin and stood up. He started to skate ahead of me towards the floor. I knew he was trying to beat me so I quickly slammed my blade down to the floor, using it to kick off and pick up speed. He quickly noticed me coming up behind him and started to go faster.

"Oh like hell." I yelled. I kicked my feet side to side, quickly flinging past him. I could hear him laugh, he reached his hand out as I passed him, trying to catch me so he could get ahead of me. I smoothly twisted my feet to the right and swerved around him. I got out onto the floor before he did and made it a quarter way around before I slid my left foot to the side and turned myself around backwards.

Criss was quickly gaining on me, so I started kicking my feet again to gain speed. I stayed backwards as a skated so I could see where he was. Criss was laughing so hard by that time that I watched him put his hands onto his knees and lowered his head. I slowed down so he could catch up. When he came about four feet away from me I started to roll backwards again.

"Show off." Criss stated as he came closer to me. His face was pretty red from laughing and the smile was still on his face.

I grinned at him. "I told you I could whoop you." I stuck my tongue out at him. Suddenly he jolted up right and darted towards me.

"Oh shit!" I yelled. I quickly turned myself around the right way so I could gain more speed, almost getting away when I felt his finger tips brush against my pants. I kicked my foot off the floor to go faster but it was too late. He came up behind me and grabbed me by the hips. My hands instinctively smacked down on top of his. He pulled on my hips and before I knew it, he was right up against me.

"Not as fast as you thought huh?" he whispered into my ear.

"Hmm." I huffed. Slyly, I moved my hand between us and grabbed the bulge inside his jeans.

"What the shit!" He exclaimed. It caught him off guard and he lost his footing. I moved forward so he couldn't hold onto me for support. He stumbled with his feet for a few seconds before his blades came out from underneath him and he crashed to the floor. I twisted my foot sideways and skidded to a halt. I circled my body around to face him. He glared up at me.

With a huge grin on my face I folded my arms across my chest. "Not as good as you thought huh?" I taunted him.

"Oh that is it!" He playfully yelled. He jumped back up to his feet and lunged towards me. I squealed before turning around and jetting off on my blades. I was surprised at how fast he was, but he couldn't quite catch me. We laughed and giggled as we weaved in and out of the crowd of skaters. The whole time I could feel everyone in the building staring at us. I didn't know if it was because of how we were acting, or because they knew who Criss was. I didn't care. I was having the time of my life, and I wasn't going to ruin it by caring what everyone else thought.

With Criss right up on my heels, I quickly snagged a pole as I passed it, spinning myself around a couple of times before I let go and rolled towards the arcade. I hopped up onto a bench trying to catch my breath.

"So I am too much for you." Criss boasted as he skidded to a stop in front of me.

"You wish." I teased.

He sat down beside me. "Cheap move back there, by the way."

I looked over at him and grinned. "Hey, all is fair in love and war." I laughed.

"Better watch yourself, that kind of shit will start a war that you won't win." He said to me seductively.

"I could probably beat you at that 'war' too." I challenged him.

He glared at me with intent in his eyes. "That was a preemptive strike. You've just declared war. And I have the element of surprise now." He grinned at me.

I leaned towards him so I was close to his ear. "I've got my army ready and awaiting orders." He turned his head towards me and just glared at me.

"You're pushing your luck." He warned me. I laughed.

Just then I caught a glimpse of a clock on the far wall. 8:54, almost closing time. I stood up. Criss followed me with his eyes.

"Where are you going?" He asked me.

"Its almost closing time." I informed him. "We gotta get our stuff." He grabbed my arm and pulled me down so I sat on his lap. He gave me a crooked smile.

"Just wait a minute."

"Criss they're gonna get pissed."

He chuckled. "Just wait okay?"

I sighed heavily. "Okay." I agreed.

We sat for a moment before hearing the front doors shut and lock. I started to panic. "What? Do they not realize we're in here?" I yelled as I tried to jump off Criss' lap. He held me in place. The lights turned off and it was suddenly pitch black. I flung my arms around his neck, I heard him laugh. "Criss?" I said quietly.

Just then lights flipped on, but not the normal yellow lights, they were black lights. I heard the music turn back on and the disco ball over the floor started to spin. My heart sank.

"Criss? What the hell did you do?" I said disapprovingly.

"Just us for the next two hours." He smiled up at me.

I shook my head at him in amazement. "You are crazy you know that?"

He shrugged. And nodded once. "I am well aware of that." He laughed.

I slowly slid off his lap and skated towards the rink. It was creepy to be in this place and see absolutely no one here. Criss came up behind me. "Now we can do whatever we want. No ones coming back until eleven." He told me.

"Criss," I huffed a laugh. "I cant believe you."

"Anythings possible, as long as you believe." He whispered into my ear and moved to stand in front of me. He held his hand out to me. I took his hand and we skated off.

The speakers over head continued with the music. I recognized the song quickly, Brian Setzers Jump, Jive and Wail. I instantly got giddy and started swinging my arms and hips to the song. I pulled Criss' hand closer to me and began to swing his arms along with me. Criss grinned ear to ear.

"Alright, so its like that huh?" He laughed suddenly flinging me in front of him, making us come to a halt. He grabbed my hands and pulled me to him, quickly pushing me back outwards and then pulling me back in.

I laughed when I realized he was trying to swing dance with me. On roller blades, I didn't know how well it would turn out. I didn't resist him and went along with the dancing. Criss suddenly let go of one of my hands, still holding the other, he lifted our arms into the air and carefully spun me outwards, sending me twirling. He didn't let go of my hand and spun me back into him.

We spent the next two hours goofing off and laughing as much as we could. We chased each other around, he couldn't keep up with me. He showed me how to do some dance moves on blades. I rather enjoyed it, the moves he showed me were from a dance that I had attempted before, but never really went anywhere with it. Pop and lock. Needless to say, it was a funny thing to watch. I fell at least a dozen times. It was not something that should've been done on roller blades.

I showed him how to do some skate tricks that I had learned years ago. In between our trips to the skating rink, my friends and I would spend time on the ramps. And we both got a few bruises from attempting the moon walk. We both could do it with shoes, but with roller blades, it was next to impossible. We even had a contest to see who could go the fastest backwards. Course I won that one as well. But he didn't give up trying to beat me, at everything.

Glancing at the clock, I became disappointed when I realized we only had five minutes left. I didn't want to go home, ever. I wanted to stay with Criss. I wanted to stay here with him, as long as we could, I was having so much fun, and I didn't want it to ever end.

Criss suddenly snagged my hand as I skated past him, twirling me around in a circle until I slammed into his chest. He tucked my hand into his chest and grabbed my other one. "Listen." He whispered.

Right then I heard The Reason by Hoobastank play, one of my favorite high school songs. He slid his hands down my body till they reached my waist, and let them rest on my hips. He started moving us around in circles. I wrapped my arms around his neck and rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. It was a perfect moment.

A moment I could relive forever. I could hear Criss softly singing along. It sent shivers down my spine. The moment when the song came to 'and the reason is you' I felt Criss' hold on me tighten. It caught me off guard and I could feel the tears trying to make their way to my eyes. I held them back and snuggled tighter into his chest. This was really a dream come true.

We danced in circles for a few minutes before the lights snapped back on. Criss and I both looked up at the ceiling, both dreading the meaning of it. I looked up at him and he looked down at me. I took a deep breath. "Guess its time to go." I frowned.

"Looks that way." Criss replied. He didn't sound too happy about it either.

He reluctantly moved his hands from my hips. I let go of his neck and took a step back from him. He stared at me for a moment before taking a deep breath. He took my hand in his and we skated off to return our blades and get our things.

I hadn't realized how tired I was until we got into the blackness of the car. I rested my head against the passenger window and closed my eyes. I could feel Criss' fingers lace themselves into mine. I smiled to myself as I drifted to sleep.

"Lana." I heard Criss call my name. I felt his thumb rubbing against the back of my hand. I slowly opened my eyes and tried to focus. "Lana, you're home."

"Mmm." I moaned as I slowly lifted my head from the window. "That was fast." I said with sleep in my voice.

Criss smiled. "I had a great time tonight Lana."

I turned my head to look at him and smiled, resting my head against the seat. "Me too. Thank you Criss! I couldn't have thought of anything better. And it was the best night of my life."

"You are very welcome. And There's plenty more where that came from." He assured me.

"Criss, honestly, don't be wasting your money on me. Tonight was beyond great. But I hate people paying for me." I protested.

He lifted our hands, which were still intertwined, and kissed the top of my hand. "Lana, you are very much worth spending every dime I have on. And please, don't look at it as me paying for you. Look at is as a way to express my feelings towards you. I enjoy making you smile. You have the most beautiful smile I've ever seen, and I will do whatever it takes to see it as much as I can." He told me.

I couldn't help but smile at what he just said. "There! See! I got to look at your beautiful smile again, and I didn't have to spend a penny on it." He joked.

My smile grew wider and I laughed. "Can I come back tomorrow?" He asked.

"I would like that." I admitted.

He lifted my hand to his mouth and kissed the top of it one last time. I opened my door and swung my legs out. "See you tomorrow."

"Yes you will." He stated. I gave him one last smile before I got out of the car and shut the door. He sat in the driveway and waited until I unlocked the door and got into my house.

I watched out the front door window as he pulled out and drove off. I was in heaven at that moment. And I couldn't think of anything better to do then lay in bed and get some much needed sleep, and if I were lucky enough, dream of Criss all night


	6. These are the days

**These are the days**

* * *

><p><em>These are the days, of the endless summer,<em>

_These are the days, the time is now,_

_There is no past, there's only future,_

_There's only here, there's only now._

_Van Morrison – These are the days_

* * *

><p><strong>CPOV<strong>

"Uncle Ted and I are going out to the bar tonight, and I was wondering if you'd like to join us?" I blurted out as I sat on the couch and watched Lana mess with the dvd player. She popped the movie in, hit the play button, and took a seat next to me.

"I would love to," she said hesitantly.

"But?" I asked.

"But I told my Jo that I was going to do something with her tonight." she looked down to the ground, clearly disappointed.

"You can take her with us. I'm sure Uncle Ted wouldn't mind." I reassured her in hopes that she'd agree. I really wanted her to go with me and I was finding myself feeling like I couldn't stand to be away from her.

"I'm not a very nice drunk." She said in a series tone.

I laughed. "That's okay, Ill be there to keep you under control." I winked at her.

She sighed. "Alright, if you think you can handle me, then I guess I'm game. I'll call Jo when the movie is over." She laughed.

The movie started to play. She had convinced me to watch Tin Man with her, knowing that the wizard of oz was my favorite movie, she said this was a sci fi version of it and that I would love it. I wasn't really a sci fi kind of guy, but of course I gave in when she gave me the puppy dog eyes.

I was starting to get frustrated with myself because of the pull this girl seemed to have on me. I wanted her with me, no matter what I was doing, and I was never the type of guy to become so attached to a girl, especially so quickly.

I was scheduled to leave for Las Vegas Monday morning. I didn't want to leave her. Not ever. But I couldn't postpone my flight. My show at the Luxor started back up Monday night. I sighed to myself. I guess the only thing I could do was make the most out of the time we had. I would figure out what to do when that time came.

Lana caught me off guard when she snuggled close against me and leaned her head on my shoulder. I looked down at her and smiled. Her eyes glued to the television, already entranced with the movie. She was so beautiful. Her long black lashes shadowed her bright blue eyes, which were sparkling with enchantment as she threw herself into the story line of the movie.

As I stared down at her I wondered how she had managed to stay single all this time. She had to have had someone in her life, someone who was a romantic interest of some sort. She was too amazing and gorgeous, she probably had a line of guys waiting to win her over.

I smiled to myself as I realized that it didn't matter how many guys were pinning for her, I was the guy she was cuddling up to in her living room. Feeling a little gratified, I placed my arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer to me. She stiffened as my fingers laced with hers, but she never looked in my direction. I grinned and attempted to turn my attention to the movie, she would be mad if I didn't actually watch it.

When the credits started to take over the screen Lana looked over at me "So what do you think?"

"I really like it. It definitely puts a new twist on The Wizard of Oz, but I really like the idea of it."

She grinned at me. "I knew you'd like it." I looked down at her. She was so adorable when she smiled at me like that. I leaned down and kissed her forehead. "Well, if its anything you like, then Ill love it." I smiled.

"Guess I better call Jo." she sighed. She stood up and took her phone off the coffee table. I snagged her hand before she could run out of the room and pulled her down onto the couch so she was sitting on my lap.

I studied her face for a moment. She looked at me puzzled, trying to figure out what I was thinking. And without thinking, I threw my lips onto hers. She froze for a moment before her lips softened, formed themselves around mine and she returned the kiss. Her lips were so soft, exactly how I imagined they would be. I could taste her cherry chapstick, the chapstick I had been smelling through the entire movie, the chapstick that drove me wild because I knew it was on her lips. She slid her arms around my neck and pulled her self in closer, letting her tongue slid over mine.

I finally pulled my lips away from hers and rested my forehead against hers. She looked up into my eyes and I returned her gaze. "I better get ready." She whispered. I debated on if I should kiss her again. But I knew if I did, I wouldn't be able to stop this time.

"Yea." I whispered back. I slowly and reluctantly pulled my head away from hers. She kept her arms around my neck and continued to look at me. Finally she pulled her arms away and slid off my lap.

She looked dazed as she walked into the kitchen, only to come straight back into the living room, pointing the other way. "Bathrooms that way." she laughed with embarrassment and walked towards the bathroom. I tried to hide my grin as I watched her attempt to regain her composure while she walked. It was good to know I had an effect on her, although I was sure it was nothing like the effect she had on me.

* * *

><p><strong>LPOV<strong>

"So what are we?" I asked Criss and fidgeted with my jewel studded waist belt, not wanting to meet his eyes.

"What do you mean?" He said, looking confused as he drove to Teds house.

"I mean, like, are we friends, a fling, dating, or am I just the girl you're going to have a good time with while you're here, and then you go home and go back to your life?"

Criss gave me a disgusted look at my last comment but didn't say anything. I wasn't normally the type of person to cling to a guy. After my last boyfriend, I really didn't want anything to do with them. But Criss wasn't any regular Joe, and I knew that. I also knew that he wasn't going to hurt me like the other men did. And he was by far the easiest guy for a girl to fall for.

"That kiss had to have meant something. I don't want to sound rude or blunt, but I need to know. I'm going out of my mind here." I confessed.

Criss rested his head back against the head rest and took a deep breath. "Lana, I don't really know." he confessed. "I like you, a lot, a lot more than any girl I have ever met. I just haven't quite figured that part out yet."

I turned my head to the window and watched the trees go by.

"Lana, that's not what I meant to say." He said quickly. "What I meant was, I want to be with you." I turned my head to look at him. "I cant stay here, I have to go back to Vegas, I'm in contract with the luxor for another 6 years, I cant break that contract, a lot is at stake if I do." He glanced over at me and quickly looked back at the road. He took my hand in his and kissed the top of it. "I promise I will figure out what to do Lana, just give me some time."

"Why are we doing this?" I asked, suddenly aware of my defensive mode kicking in. "There's too many obstacles, pretty big ones actually, I don't think there is a way around them. So why are we doing this to ourselves if we know its just going to end in a few days?"

He looked over at me, his eyes wide and full of shock.

"This isn't a waste of time if that's what you mean." he snapped, seemingly taking offense to what I said. "Not to me anyways. Its just gonna take some figuring out and planning. I will figure it out."

I bit down on my lip, deciding now would be a good time to shut up. And to be honest with myself, Criss was right, even if we didn't stay together, the heartbreak would be worth every second. But I found myself wondering why Criss wouldn't admit our relationship.

Just then we pulled into Teds driveway. "Hey guys!" Ted shouted as he held the door open and watched us approach the porch.

"Hey Ted. This is Lana." Criss introduced them. Ted took my hand and shook it.

"Nice to meet you Lana." He smiled at me.

"You too!" I said back to him, with a little excitement in my voice.

"Come on in. Just finishing getting ready." Ted looked over at Criss and grinned. "Not bad Criss." He whispered to him as we walked past him. I'm sure he intended for me not to hear it, but I couldn't help but smile. Criss nudged his shoulder with his elbow and he laughed. "Hope you guys don't mind, I'm dragging Shemane with us. She wasn't too thrilled, but as usual, I always get my way." He laughed.

"Nah man, its cool, I figured you'd bring her anyways." Criss told Ted.

"Well shes in the bathroom right now getting ready." He said to us. "Come on Shemane you're holding us up woman!" He yelled up the stairs.

"Shut up Ted! You're the one forcing me to go, so you can just deal with it old man!" We heard come from upstairs. Criss and I looked at each other, both trying to conceal our smiles.

Ted looked over at us. "Women.. what can ya do?" He laughed.

"Oh you just shut that big mouth of yours Nugent! I'm coming!" Shemane yelled to him as she appeared at the top of the stairs and started strolling down. She was gorgeous. Her blonde hair was done up in a nice, firm bun and her blue cocktail dress ended right at her knees. I suddenly felt self conscious of my thigh high mini dress.

"Hey Criss." Shemane said as Criss leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. She wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a hug. "Long time no see!" She told him as she playfully hit him with her change purse.

"Lana this is Shemane, my wife. Shemane this is Criss' girl, Lana." Ted said to her.

She took my hand and gave it a shake. "Nice to meet you Lana," She greeted me, "And such a pretty one," She added looking up at Criss, "I hope shes better than the last few." She laughed. "No offense sweetie," she said to me, "I have no doubt you're perfect for Criss, but I have to admit, his last few choices were not the smartest decisions he's ever made, to put it mildly."

Ted smacked his hands together. "Alright! Enough awkwardness, lets get it moving. Criss you going to meet us there?"

"Yea, I wanna take my car so I have a way to get Lana home, if need be."

"Alright then, know where you're going?" He asked Criss with a smile on his face. He said it in a tone that I didn't quite get. Maybe a inside joke?

Criss laughed. "Yea, I know where I'm going this time."

"Alright, see you guys there then." We all loaded up in our vehicles and headed out.

* * *

><p><strong>CPOV<strong>

When we arrived at the bar, Lana hopped out of the car and pulled at the bottom of her dark purple dress. She seemed a little self conscious of how short the dress was. I never understood why woman wore clothes they seemed to be uncomfortable in. Not that Lana wasn't a sight for sore eyes. And that dress was so short that I was going to be going out of my mind by the end of the night. I already felt the need for a cold shower.

I walked over to her side of the car and took her hand in mine when she noticed Jo pull into the parking lot. As she led me over to where Jo parked I took a deep breath and mentally prepared myself. Meeting the best friend sometimes proved worse than meeting the parents. From what I understood, Lana and Jo seemed to be extremely close, which led me to believe that she was going to be the hardest person I was going to have to meet.

The car door of the white Grand prix opened up and out popped a bouncy blonde. She slammed the car door shut and was bouncing after Lana before we even made it halfway to her.

"Lana!" the girl squealed with excitement. It was strange to me that Lana was such good friends with this person. They looked to be the complete opposite of each other. Jo had short blonde hair, was too skinny for her own good, and seemed to be several inches taller than Lana. Then again, everyone seemed to be taller than Lana.

The two girls threw each other into a hug, by then they were both squealing. I smiled at the sight of Lana being such a school girl for the moment. Why didn't she act like that when she met me? Almost every girl Id ever met acted just as those two were at that moment, except Lana, who up until now, I had never seen so girly. And it was making my dick harder than Id thought possible. I quickly adjusted myself before anyone would notice when Lana turned to me.

"Jo, this is Criss." Lana finally said after their hysterics were over. "Criss, this is my best friend Jo."

I shook Jos hand and nodded. "Nice to meet you Jo." I smiled.

"You too." she said back. Teds truck had pulled in at that moment, taking our concentration away from the moment. Ted and Shemane jumped out and searched the parking lot for us.

"And _that's_ Ted Nugent?" Jo grinned, obviously ecstatic about the company she was in tonight. Lana nodded.

"Come on, we'll introduce you." Lana said. She led the way over to Ted and Shamane with Jo and I trailing behind.

Jo suddenly grabbed my arm and pulled me back for a second. Her expression would have made you think she was ready for war. "You hurt her and I'll kill you." she flashed a quick grin before letting me go and returning back to her bubbly bouncy self and made her way to Lanas side. I shook my head and laughed to myself. I could see why Lana was such good friends with her now.

Lana introduced everyone and by the time we opened the doors, everyone was already joking and laughing with each other. Lana looked over at me with a look of hopelessness.

"Whats up?" I shouted to her over the music.

"I'm just hoping we don't get bothered too much tonight. We can't get lucky enough to go the whole night without you being recognized." She told me.

"Oh hunny, don't worry about it. We come here all the time, they're pretty use to seeing a celebrity or two in here. They wont bother us." Shermane said to her as she leaned towards her so she could hear her better.

"What can I get for you guys?" The waitress asked us as we sat down at the bar.

"I'll have a water and one for my wife. Criss, Lana, Jo?" Ted asked us.

"A mikes?" Lana said to me, which sounded like more of a question. I chuckled at her.

"A mikes and just a beer for me." I told the waitress. I looked to Jo but she shook her head no.

"Just a water for me, thanks. I have to drive home." she explained after she gave her order. I noticed Ted nod in approval.

"So, Jo, what do you do for a living?" Ted asked.

"I'm an RN." Jo told him.

"A nurse, nice. Always comes in handy when you have a nurse for a friend, eh Criss?" Ted chuckled and looked over at me. I flipped him the bird and faked laughed along with him. The waitress placed our drinks on the bar and gracefully took the money off the counter, making her way to other customers.

"So how did you two meet?" Shemane asked Jo and Lana. They looked at one another and smiled.

"We went to school together." Jo said, attempting to hide her smile.

"Ahhh, I see there's more to it than that." Ted noticed.

"Not really, we just became instant friends," Jo said and placed her cup to her mouth, "and instant trouble makers." she added before she took a drink of her water. Lana began to laugh and looked over at me, giving me a wink.

"I see we have some stories that are in need of telling." I nudged Lana. She smiled crookedly and hesitantly took a sip of her drink.

"Whats with the shyness Lana?" I whispered into her ear.

"I just don't really want to drink around Ted, I know his stance on alcohol." She said quietly so only I could hear her.

"Lana, don't worry about it. Teds fine with it. I drink around him all the time. He's not as bad as everyone makes him seem. He just doesn't think people should let alcohol affect the things they do." I explained to her. "Besides, he's not judgmental, if you want to get drunk and have a good time, he's not going to stop you, or look at you badly for it, he just doesn't like to drink himself."

"I certainly hope you're right." She whispered to me. "So Ted," Lana blurted out.

"Whats up sweets?" Ted asked her as he turned his body towards Lana.

"I hope you don't mind me askin, but if you're so against drinking and such, then how come you come to this bar so much? And how come you're not stopping us from drinking?" Lana asked him. I smacked my hand against my forehead and hung my head. Just because I told her that didn't mean she had to confront him about it, I thought to myself. Man, this could end badly.

"Well," Ted took in a deep breath, "For one, I come here a lot cause I know these folks and I like to rock out every now and then. As for the drinking, I'm more against what the affects of alcohol are. You can drink all you want, I have no problem with that. But the minute your actions from being intoxicated start to effect others, say something like, drinking and driving, that's when I have a _major_ problem with drinking. But if you can manage to hold your own, and not do stupid things that will effect the people around you, then by all means, have what you will. Hell, I know everyone perceives me as this hardcore 'never had a drink in my life' person, but I even let loose every now and then, not all hog wild, but Ill have a beer once or twice a year." He smiled at Lana.

"Oh trust me, I know when I've had too much." She confessed to him, "And I would _never_ drink and drive, or let anyone I know do it. I've lost too many people in my lifetime from drunk drivers. And I refuse to lose anymore, at least if I can help it. None of them stood a chance. They were all smart enough to know better. But that doesn't matter when the person in the other car didn't."

We all stopped and looked at her, all three of us extremely surprised to hear what she was saying. She seemed like she didn't even notice that the attention was all one her, like she was talking to herself. Her eyes gave off a very weary look, like she was reliving those tragic moments.

I noticed Jo drop her head and slump her shoulders, she looked down at her glass, smashed her lips together and tightly closed her eyes. What was that all about?

"The first time I lost someone from that, I was fifteen, our two friends had been hit and killed by a drunk driver, skating home from the roller rink, they were thirteen years old." She stopped for a moment and stared down at her drink. "Thirteen years old, their lives were just beginning."

Jo placed a hand over her forehead and sighed.

She cleared her throat and continued. "That was when I vowed to myself that I would never drive drunk, nor would I let anyone else. After them, it seemed like every other day, someone I knew was killed by a drunk driver. Four more friends within that same group, all within a year, my two cousins, and," She stayed silently looking at the floor. "Some one very close to me, I myself, almost being a victim as well." She seemed like she was thinking of memories that she didn't care to remember.

"That's enough Lana." Jo suddenly snapped. Lana cleared her throat and took a sip of her drink. We all fell deathly silent, none of us sure what to say. It was obvious there was something more going on, simply by the way Jo had snapped at Lana.

I had no idea about any of that. The past few days Lana and I had spent the majority of the time getting to know each other. Telling stories of our teen years, our families and friends. But she never mentioned how many people she had know that had lost their lives.

I felt very bad for her. In that moment I just wanted to scoop her up in my arms, and hold her for all eternity, all the while reassuring her that she would never lose someone close to her again. But I didn't have that kind of power to give to her. I couldn't control anything, and it rather pissed me off, simply because Lana had been hurt so many times, and there was nothing I could do about it.

I wrapped my arm around Lanas shoulder, pulling her closer to my side. "I'm sorry Lana, I had no idea." Was all I could manage to say to her. It didn't seem like enough, not by a long shot.

"Lana," Ted said quietly, reaching for the right thing to say.

Lana smiled, although it was easy to see right through her smile. She looked over at Jo, who gave Lana a pleading look. "Its alright guys, its in the past. There is no past, there's only future, no point in dwelling on what you can't change. Lets just have a good night."

I hugged Lana tighter and kissed the top of her head. Ted nodded his head and raised his water glass to her. "They will never be forgotten. And will always be missed." Lana clanked her glass to his.

"Now, hows about I go get my jam on up stage eh?" He said loudly as he hopped off the bar stool and headed towards the front of the bar. Leave it to Ted to quickly make everyone forget the bad, I thought. Lana placed her hand on top of mine, which rested around her shoulder, and leaned back into me as we watched Ted up on stage rock out to some of his classics.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Van Morrison's song These are the days, is one of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard, if anyone hasn't heard it, youtube it! :)_

_Dislcaimer: I do not own the nugents, or Criss Angel nor do I know them personally :( The things these characters do or say does not reflect upon the actual people. (Its just a fantasy made up in my head :D)_


	7. Full Nelson

**Full Nelson**

* * *

><p><em>You'll get knocked the fuck out,<em>

_Cause your mouths writing checks that your ass can't cash,_

_Knocked straight the fuck out,_

_Cause your mouths writing checks that your ass can't cash_

_Limp Bizkit – Full Nelson_

* * *

><p>After Ted had played about three songs he had finally hopped off the stage and headed back towards us. The crowd went crazy of course. You could barely hear yourself think over all the clapping, whistling and screaming. And then the DJ went back to work. It made me laugh that we went from listening to Ted Nugent jam on stage, and then went back to the pop music the DJ had going.<p>

Criss had managed to pull me onto his lap and that's where I sat throughout Teds performance. I couldn't help but notice how his grip around my waist was a lot tighter tonight than it normally was. Almost as if he was trying to comfort me. I knew that Criss suddenly felt bad for me, after my stupid mouth let out that sob story of drunk drivers. I did miss every single one of them. But it was usually something I kept to myself.

I didn't like to talk about it much, it hurt too much, and I didn't want sympathy, or anyone to feel bad for me, and it certainly was not my intent tonight. I simply got caught up in the memories and my brain didn't register what was coming out of my mouth. If it hadn't been for Jo, I probably would have rambled on until I said something with irreversible damage.

I shook my head hard, trying to shake the thought out of my brain before it was too late. I didn't want to think about that right now. I was with the man of my dreams, and I just wanted to enjoy the night. I grabbed my glass and took a huge gulp, finishing it off.

Jo had, of course, wandered off with some random guy to dance. Whenever we went out, she always managed to find at least one guy, if not ten, that wanted to dry hump her on the dance floor. I was just glad that she wasn't dumb enough to take any of them home. I guess I was her wing man in that department, too many times I had to force her to come home with me instead.

"What are ya drinking now?" Ted asked as he plopped back down onto the bar stool. I looked down at my glass.

"Called a Jolly rancher, best drink ever! I can drink these things like cool aid." I laughed.

"Better slow down there darlin, how much you had already?"

I looked behind me at Criss. I wasn't really keeping track, but I knew he was. "Three of those, and that mikes when we first got here." Criss answered for me.

Ted wrinkled his face with disapproval clearly on it. "Just be careful Lana." He warned me.

I shrugged. "Ill be fine I promise." I said with a smile. "Oo! I love this song!" I shouted.

I turned and looked at Criss. He smiled at me and nodded. I slid off his lap and turned to face him. He took my hand as he stood up and led the way to the dance floor. He placed my hand on my back and the other held my hand. I placed my free hand on his shoulder and we began to dance in slow circles.

Jo passed us on her way back to the bar, giving me a wink and a huge smile as she walked by. I laughed and shook my head at her.

"And I will always, love you." I sang along, not realizing I was singing out loud. Criss leaned back and looked at me with a puzzled face. "What?" I asked suddenly self conscious.

"And she can sing. Is there anything else I need to know about you?" He said with a crooked grin on his face.

"Ha!" I laughed. "Now you're just trying to get on my good side." I laughed again before crushing my face into his chest.

He held me tighter as we glided across the floor. I couldn't get enough of his smell. It was so intoxicating to me, even more than the alcohol in my system. I took in a deep breath, trying to get as much of him as I possibly could. He leaned his cheek on top of my head and tightened his hold. I wanted him to squeeze me as hard as he could. I wanted to be as close to him as anyone could ever get to someone else. And I didn't want him to ever let go.

I felt his hand move from my back and his grip loosened. I looked up at him to see what he was doing, I was disappointed, I didn't want him to let me go, ever. Suddenly his fingers were underneath my chin, lifting my eyes to meet his. I studied his perfect face as he studied mine.

His brown eyes looked very soft as he gazed into mine. His thumb traced lightly along my lips, making me shiver and making my body demand more. He inched his face closer to mine until I could feel his breath on my lips. He placed his forehead onto mine and looked me in the eyes.

"Lana." He whispered. My body couldn't take it anymore, and my lips suddenly met his. He took his hand off my chin and placed it on the small of my back and pulled me tighter against his body. I slid my arms around his neck, stood on my tippy toes and pulled on his neck to bring him closer to me.

He tasted as good as he smelled. His lips were the perfect shape for me, they formed themselves to mine like they were meant to be together. I could feel my finger tips tingle and my body trembled. I hadn't realized how much I wanted him until that very moment. His tongue caressing mine made me not care where we were, I wanted him, every last ounce of him.

All too soon he pulled his mouth from mine. He rested his forehead back on mine and opened his eyes. His eyes met with mine and I knew he felt the same as I did. We stood there, forehead to forehead, gazing into each others eyes, as we slowly turned in circles. Neither of us wanted to break. But we both knew we had to. This was not the time, or the place, no matter how much we both wanted it.

"Hey bro!" I heard Ted call from behind Criss. "How bout a beer?" Criss and I both snapped our heads up to glare in bewilderment at Ted. "Hey, I can have a beer if I want. Its not the end of the world." He laughed defensively.

Criss sighed heavily. "Be there in a minute." Criss turned his head to look at me. I smiled at him, letting him know it was okay. He hesitated. I knew he didn't want to go.

"Its okay." I gave him a half smile.

"Okay." He said. He leaned over and kissed my lips quickly and let go of me. I pursed my lips and walked sluggishly behind them.

When I got to the bar I plopped down next to Criss. Ted signaled for the waitress and she appeared in front of us quickly.

"Can I get two beers?" He asked her.

"Sure thing. Anything else?"

"Three shots of Jager and another Jolly Rancher please." I told her.

"Coming right up." She said and walked away. Criss and Ted both leaned over the bar and turned to look at me. Jo huffed a laugh and shook her head, she had been out with me too many times to know better than to disapprove of my drinking, I did tend to get a little defensive over my alcohol. She had found that out the hard way too, when she dumped my bottle of wine out and announced she was cutting me off. I charged at her and tackled her to the ground so I could save my bottle.

"What?" I asked Criss and Ted, who were still staring at me.

"Don't you think you've already had a bit much to drink?" Criss asked me.

I shrugged. "Ill be fine, don't worry." Criss sighed quietly and shook his head. Honestly I needed a lot more than that. After that kiss, I could drink the whole damn bar and that still wouldn't be enough. My head was spinning with confusion.

Every minute I spent with Criss threw me deeper into the hole I knew I was digging. Criss may say that he wants to be with me, but that didn't mean that was what was going to happen. He has a life, a life so much bigger than mine. And he lived on the other side of the country. I knew that this dream come true was going to end soon or later. No matter how much I didn't want it to end, I knew it had to some time. So I didn't understand why I was doing this to myself. It was only going to end in heartbreak.

I stared at Criss, watching him and Ted rant on about things. I wasn't paying attention to what they were saying. I was focusing on what I was going to miss about him. How he never got bothered by anything, his go with the flow attitude. The way his dark hair would fall into his face, making him even sexier. Or the way his smile always seemed to be bigger on one side, usually when he was laughing at me for something stupid I had done.

But I think the thing I was going to miss most about him, was how he made me feel like I was the most important person to him. That he would never put anyone else above me. He made me feel safe, like he was there to protect me against anything and everything. I had never had a man treat me that way, and I knew it was going to make it that much harder when he had to leave. I suddenly came to a realization. I was falling in love with him.

"Here ya go sweetie." The waitress said as she sat my drinks in front of me, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Thank you." I said to her and handed her money.

"Remember the last time you drank that much." Jo warned me. I looked over at her and downed the first shot then slapped the glass onto the bar.

"That's the beauty of the brain, your brain actually makes you _forget_ the pain, so you aren't afraid to do it again." I grinned at her and downed my second shot. She was referring to the time I got so drunk that the next morning I swore Id never drink that much again. But that was my argument and I was sticking to it.

I quickly downed my third shot and started in on my Jolly Rancher. I looked up to notice Ted and Criss both had stopped their conversation and were both glaring at me.

"You guys don't even know how badly I needed that." I told them. They both stayed silent.

They had no clue. I had just realized I was falling in love with the man of my dreams. A man that every woman on the planet wanted. A man who was one of thee most famous people out there. A man who treated woman the way they should be treated. A man who was perfect in every aspect. And a man that was going to leave me in less then four days.

"I've got to go potty. Ill be right back." I announced.

Criss grabbed my arm as I started to stand up. "Are you going to be okay?" He looked very concerned.

I nodded. "Ill be fine." I reassured him. He held my arm and studied my face. "Criss, Ill be fine, I promise." I laughed.

"Okay." He said slowly with obvious doubt in his tone. He let go of my arm and nodded to Jo, signaling for her to go with me. Jo chuckled, knowing full well I was capable of going to the bathroom on my own, but she decided to amuse him and we headed to the bathroom. I could feel his eyes on my back as I walked away. The sudden intake of alcohol was already taking effect and I could feel my legs starting to wobble underneath me. I held onto Jo for some support.

By the time we had stumbled into the bathroom I was completely intoxicated. I wasn't sure how long I had been in the bathroom, or how long it took me to get my pants done back up, but it seemed like at least 15 minutes. I made sure all my clothing was intact and that no one was going to be getting a show, before I grabbed the bathroom door and walked back into the crowded room, Jo following behind me.

I looked over towards Criss as I walked back to him. My heart sank. He was sitting at the bar with his beer in his hand, but there was a girl with him. The long legged, skinny, bleach blonde girl leaned over the bar towards Criss, her boobs hanging out of the top of her dress. I could feel the anger quickly rising and unfortunately I had a hard time holding anything back when I was intoxicated, my mouth more than anything.

I marched over to the bar, thankful Jo was slightly distracted by the guy she had been dancing with. I stormed up and stepped in between Criss and the blonde. I leaned against the bar with an elbow and stared at the girl. "Excuse me?" The girl said glaring back at me, annoyed with my presence.

"Lana?" I heard Criss behind me say with confusion in his voice.

"Back off bitch!" I warned her.

"Scuse me?" She scolded rolling her head at me. "Bitch you don't own him." She waved her finger in my face. I smacked her finger away with the back of my hand and pushed off the bar with my arm, taking a step closer to her.

"Yer right! I don't own him but I'm bout to own you if you don't step away." I glanced over towards Jo, who was making her way back to the bar when she caught sight of the confrontation. She stopped in her tracks and glared, not at me, but at the bitch in front of me. Jo always had my back, and I knew she was getting ready to pounce if she needed to.

"Lana!" Criss yelled. I ignored him and glared at the blonde.

"Bitch you don't scare me." She sneered. She took a step towards me.

She was right, I was five foot one, 110 pounds, but I grew up with three older brothers beating my ass every day. If there was one thing my brothers taught me, it was how to fight. Which was why Jo was hanging back, she knew I could take her. But the blonde bitch didn't know that, and she wouldn't even expect it. I smirked to myself, I was looking forward to what was about to happen.

"Look Barbie. I will judo chop you in the throat. I said back the fuck off!" I screamed, getting in her face.

"Bring it on! He ain't yours, I'll do whatever I want with him!" She snapped.

"Lana!" I heard Criss yell from behind me. I felt his hand cuff around my forearm again. I jerked my arm forward, pulling his hand from my arm. Realizing Criss was about to interject, I decided to make my move.

I lunged forward with my hands out in front of me aiming for her throat. She took a step back trying to avoid my grasp. I came up a little short and fell into her, knocking both of us to the ground, I landed on top of her. I sat myself up and balled up my fist ready to take a swing.

Just as my fist was going to make contact with her face arms snacked around my waist and I was yanked backwards. I kicked my feet and struggled against the arms holding me.

"Let me go!" I demanded. I turned sideways and swung at the person who had pulled me off of her. My fist made contact with Criss' hand. He curled his fingers around my fist and pulled me further away from the girl. I fought with his grip but his arms around my waist were secure.

"Lana, stop it!" He ordered as I struggled harder.

By then Jo had made her way to us and stood in front of the blonde. She pointed a finger at her and gave her an evil look. "You stay down." Jo warned her.

The blonde propped herself up onto her elbows and glared at me until Criss had pulled me far enough away. I managed to break free of his grip and started to sprint towards her again, but Criss was quicker than me. His arms quickly snapped themselves back around my waist, catching me in mid sprint. My chest lunged forward over his arm.

He pulled me backwards until my back met with his chest. He let go of my waist and spun me completely around to face him, placing his hands around my wrists to ensure I didn't go after the girl again.

"Lana! Calm down." He said calmly. I stopped struggling and looked at him, taking deep breaths to calm myself. "That's better." He smiled.

"I almost had her!" I said in between my gritted teeth.

He smiled slightly and shook his head back and forth. "Lana," He sighed. "I think its time we go. You've had way too much to drink."

I started to struggle against him again. "No! I don't wanna go!" I yelled as I started to wiggle out of his grip. He rolled his eyes and let go of one wrist. He spun my body around the other way using his hand that still held me, flung my body backward into his and quickly grabbed my free wrist again.

I stood there helpless. The backside of my body pressed tightly against the front of his, both wrists again restrained, my elbows bent and my arms pushed into my chest. He leaned his head down to the side of my neck, hovering his mouth barely above my skin, I could feel his hot breath on my skin and it sent chills up and down my body.

"Are you going to behave? Or do we have to do this all night?" He whispered so only I could hear him. The feeling of his lips so close to my skin and the heat of his breath made me feel weak at the knees. I could feel myself losing all of my strength.

"We could always take it to a mattress." he chuckled. I knew he was joking but it wasn't helping. I closed my eyes. My body went limp and my knees buckled. Criss bent his knees underneath me slightly. I felt him tighten his grip on me so I wouldn't fall and he stood us back up.

I no longer felt anger. All I could feel was him and the chills running up and down my body. I let out a long breath, trying to shake away the thoughts that I felt boiling to the surface. I swallowed hard.

"I'm good." I was barely able to get the words out. I could now feel every ounce of alcohol in my system, and it hit me hard, instantly making me feel extremely drunk. Both him and the drinks together were making me feel very dizzy.

"Good." He breathed into my neck "My little trouble maker." he laughed quietly and sighed. I loved it when he called me that, it made my insides liquify. He lifted his head to look over at Ted. I stayed in his grasp, unable to fight back anymore. He had just taken away all the strength I had left. I was now liquid in his arms.

"Hey Ted, I'm gonna take Lana home. She's picking fights and that's usually the first clue that its cut off time." I heard him yell.

* * *

><p><strong>CPOV<strong>

"Hey Ted, I'm gonna take Lana home. She's picking fights and that's usually the first clue that its cut off time." I yelled to Ted who was sitting a few seats away from where Lana and I stood. I could tell he was laughing at us, and laughing hard. His face was pretty red and his eyes were glistening.

"No, the first sign is usually when she ends up with a drink in her hand and no idea how it go there." Jo said in a smart ass tone as she approached us. Lana was practically passed out in my arms as I stood there.

Ted cocked his head to the side trying to hold back more laughs. "You got a frisky one there Criss." He stated as he held his beer in front of his face trying to conceal his smile.

He couldn't hold it anymore. He hung his head low to the bar, slapped his hand down and busted up laughing. "I'll see you Saturday." He choked out between laughs. I shook my head as I laughed at his amusement. With Lana in my arms I headed towards the door.

"Want me to take her home?" Jo asked. "Ive got a little experience in this department." she chuckled and nudged her chin towards Lana. I smiled and shook my head.

"I got this." I told her. Yes, Jo may have had a hell of a lot more experience dealing with drunk Lana, but I wasn't about to hand her off to Jo not knowing when Id see her again.

Jo held the door open for us as I struggled to walk Lana to my car. She slump back into me, practically knocking me off balance. I let go of her wrists and grabbed her by the waist again, holding her up.

"Are you sure youre going to be okay?" Jo asked uncertain.

"Yea, we'll be fine." I reassured her.

"Where we goin?" Lana asked.

"I'm taking you home." I told her.

"I don wanna go!" She exclaimed. "I promise Ill be good." She was still in between my arms when she twisted back around to face me. My arms were still link together around her waist, I stopped in my tracks to look down at her. I gazed down at her, even smashed, she was the prettiest woman I had ever laid eyes on. Her eyes closed and I wondered if she was starting to fall asleep.

Jo cleared her throat. "I can see you've got it handled." she said in a strange voice with a hint of a smile. "Lana has my number in her cell phone, if you need anything, just call me. I mean it, anything, I don't care what time it is." Jo informed me.

"Thank you Jo." I told her as she began to walk to her car. She stopped and turned.

"Take care of her Criss. She means the world to me." She warned me, then turned back around.

"Me too." I mumbled. I snapped my head over to Jo, hoping she didn't hear that. Not something I meant to say out loud. She was just getting in her car, she grinned at me as she shut her door and drove off.

"Criiiissssss..." Lana whined. "I don wanna go home." she stuck her bottom lip out so she could pout. I couldn't resist. I sucked on her bottom lip, making her quickly recoil and stare at me with a blank look. I flashed her a grin, knowing full well I just scrambled her hormones, which probably wasn't a good idea, since her hormones were mingling with too much alcohol at the moment.

"Lana, you're smashed. We need to get you somewhere to lie down before you start throwing up everywhere."

"I... dint... drink that mush." She tried to say coherently.

"Three shots of jager, four jolly ranchers, and one mikes, I'm surprised your not throwing up already. No one your size should drink that much." I explained to her. She reached up and gently ran her fingers down my cheek. Her fingers lingered on my face as she gazed up at me. "Lana, You've had enough." I insisted.

"That wasnt enouf fer me." she slurred. "N I dont throw up." Her body went limp and I had to sturdy myself to hold her, before we both went down.

"Lana." I chuckled and swooped her up into my arms. I kissed her cheek and she threw her arms around my neck and buried her face into my chest. She made me laugh when she was like this. "I'm taking you home."

She snapped her head up to look at me and her grip tightened around my neck. "I don wanna go home. I wanna stay with you." And then her head fell back down into my chest.

I carried her to my car and set her down lightly into the passenger seat, I pulled off my jacket and put it around her chest and closed her door then walked to the drivers side and got in. When I looked over at her she was leaning forward with her face in between her legs. I could hear groaning.

"You don't get sick?" I asked. She shook her head no but didn't say anything. I cracked open the passenger side window. "I hope you're right, but if you feel like you need to, put your head by the window, the cold air helps." I suggested.

She sat up straight with a little too much force, throwing her head against the head rest. "I been drunk enouf times, trus me on this." She mumbled and her eyes started to close.

I wasn't sure if she was telling the truth. I know a lot of people like to brag that they never get sick from being drunk. But a lot of them really do, just wont admit it. I didn't trust that she was going to make it to her house without throwing up all over the rental.

She didn't want me to leave her. And if I did, I would've felt awful about it. Specially considering how drunk she was. It wasn't a good idea to leave her alone over night. But her house was a drive. I put the car into drive and headed towards my hotel.


	8. Fall for you

**Fall for you**

* * *

><p><em>Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you,<em>

_Over again, don't make me change my mind,_

_I wont live to see another day, I swear its true,_

_Because a girl like you is impossible to find._

_Secondhand Serenade – Fall for you._

* * *

><p><strong>CPOV<strong>

It took us about five minutes to arrive at the Hampton Inn. When I pulled into the parking lot, I put the car into park and looked over at Lana, who was fast asleep already. I sat there for a minute admiring her.

Her head leaned against the window and her legs tucked up underneath her; my coat wrapped tightly around her front. Her hair was covering half her face. She looked so cute. And drunk, I laughed to myself. I tucked her hair behind her ear so I could see her face. She was so beautiful. I wanted to just sit there all night and watch her as she slept. But I knew that she needed a bed.

"Lana." I whispered. She didn't budge. "Lana." I said a little bit louder. She moaned slightly and pushed her face further into my coat. I sighed and opened my door. I was just going to have to carry her then.

I walked over to the passenger side and slowly opened the door so she didn't fall out, managing to catch her head and push her back into the seat. I slid my arm underneath her legs and the other behind her back and lifted her out of the car. She didn't even stir. Her head fell back and her arms sprawled out, she was completely limp. I kicked the door shut and headed to my suite.

Once we were inside my room I headed straight to the bedroom and placed her on the bed. I pulled my coat off of her and tossed it over in the corner of the room. I stood there for a moment, staring at her. She looked so uncomfortable. Her Dress clung to her skin, showing off every curve she had, and the waist belt looked too tight, like it was jabbing into her skin. I knelt over her body and looked down at her.

"Lana." I said softly. Her eyes slowly started to open.

"Criss?" She asked confused.

"Hi there." I smiled down at her.

"Where are we?" She wondered.

"At my hotel, you asked me not to leave you and your house is too far. I didn't think you'd make it back home with out ruining my rental." I joked.

"Uh, my head." She groaned as she cupped her hands onto her face and rolled onto her side.

"Do you want me to take you home, or do you just want to sleep it off here?" I asked, secretly hoping she'd want to stay at the hotel.

"Sleep." She muttered.

I laughed. "Okay, do you want something to sleep in? I can give you a t shirt."

She had to be extremely uncomfortable, and I had to admit, the idea of seeing her in nothing but one of my t-shirts was very appealing.

"Sleep." She said again making me chuckle.

"Lana, you look really uncomfortable. Lana, come on hunny, I want you to at least throw on a t shirt or something, and we need to get you some aspirin before you sleep, otherwise you're going to have a horrible hang over tomorrow."

Lana groaned loudly and pushed her hand against my chest, attempting to push me away, but it didn't work. I grabbed her wrist and rolled her onto her back.

"Come on Lana, the quicker we do this, the sooner you can go to sleep."

She tried rolling back over onto her side but I held her shoulder down to the bed. I at least wanted her to take some aspirin. I've had many years of getting drunk to know that you do not go to bed drunk without taking aspirin first. She was going to feel horrible in the morning. I had to think of a way to get her up without being a jerk about it. I didn't want her to get mad at me. I just wanted her to take the damn aspirin.

I leaned down close to her face. "Lana," I whispered. "Please, get a t shirt on and take some aspirin, for me?" I tried to sound cute.

"Mmm!" She moaned and turned her head to the side.

I looked down at her. My gaze shifted to the exposed skin on her neck. I slowly leaned down and hovered my lips above her skin, just close enough for her to feel me there, but not quite touching. I had a feeling I was going to regret this.

"Lana, please." I begged. She twitched her shoulder slightly but didn't say or do anything. I softly placed my lips onto her neck and kissed it, I felt her body tense up. I removed my lips and placed them a little lower and kissed again. She took in a deep breath and held it.

I kissed a little bit lower, suddenly her arms were around my neck and she let out a small whimper. I kissed my way slowly down her neck. By the time I had reached her collar bone she was breathing hard and moaning softly. I could feel my cock twitch with every small whimper she made, I knew I was going to regret it. I kissed her collar bone once and lifted my head, deciding to stop before it was too late.

"So how about that t shirt and aspirin?" I asked with a grin.

"Oh that's bullshit." She yelled as she opened her eyes and turned her head to stare at me. She sighed. "Fine. Where are they?" She was still slurring her words a bit.

"Ill get them." I pushed myself off the bed, thankful for the space between us. Another minute or so and I wouldn't have been able to control myself.

She propped herself up on her elbows and watched me as I walked across the room to the dresser. I grabbed my bottle of aspirin and opened the top, shaking two pills into my hands. Then made my way to the bathroom, grabbed a glass and filled it with water.

I glanced out into the bedroom to make sure she was still awake. She was still propped up on her elbows watching me. I walked out into the bedroom with the pills and water and held them out to her. She sat up, took them from me, popped the pills into her mouth and took a sip of water swallowing them.

She handed the cup back to me and smiled sarcastically "Happy?"

"Much." I replied with a smile. I placed the cup on the night stand and walked back over to the dresser, pulling out a t shirt. I walked back to the bed and handed it to her, "Can you handle getting dressed? Or do I have to help you?" I grinned.

She snatched the shirt out of my hand and glared at me. "I think I can handle it."

"Whoa! Vicious!" I laughed as I watched her attempt to get off the bed. When I realized she wasn't getting very far I grabbed her hand and pulled her up. She smiled up at me with embarrassment.

"Thanks." She uttered and started to wobble to the bathroom.

I hoped she could manage on her own. I could tell that she was still really tipsy and I didn't trust her in a room by herself. She closed the bathroom door behind her and I sat on the edge of the bed, pulling off my shoes and socks and tossing them off to the side. I sighed to myself and adjusted my jeans before it got too uncomfortable.

I knew this was going to happen. Every minute I spent with her, I liked her more and more. I knew then why I was so enthralled with her. She was just a great person. She made me laugh, she made me smile, she made my heart beat faster every time I saw with her.

She had a great sense of humor, she never took anything too seriously, but yet she was very mature for her age. She knew how to have a good time, and she was willing to do just about anything. She never got embarrassed about doing things in front of me, the way most girls did. And she even had a great taste in music.

But of everything, it was her personality that got me. She was very strong willed. She wasn't afraid to do or say what she wanted, and she never worried about what other people thought. She was definitely one of the most stubborn girls I had met, and surprisingly enough, I loved that about her. I loved woman who were strong and could hold their own. Lana was definitely that, but she also wasn't afraid to show her love and affection towards other people. I was beginning to wonder if she was made for me.

I could tell that she had a troubled past, without her giving much detail, I could tell. And that was another thing I admired about her. Whatever she had gone through in her past, obviously was bad, but she didn't let it hold her down. I had a strange feeling that whatever she'd gone through, only made her stronger, because that was the type of person Lana was. She didn't let things break her.

My heart ached when she asked me about our relationship. I didn't want to tell her that I had no idea what I was going to do about our problem. I had a hard enough time admitting it to myself, and I couldn't bear to watch her heart break if I told her the truth. If only her family lived on the other side of the country, things would have been so much easier.

"Criss!" Lana screeched right before there was a big thud.

"Lana?" I quickly jumped to my feet and ran to the bathroom. Luckily the door wasn't locked and I flung it open, making it crash into the wall. I halted in the doorway and saw Lana laying on the floor. Her leggings were halfway off and she still had her dress on.

"Lana?" I breathed heavily.

She was laughing so hard her face was beat red. "I... can't... get.. them... off." She struggled to say.

I knelt down beside her. "Are you okay?" Still laughing, she nodded her head. I looked down at her feet.

"Lana," I sighed, "you're supposed to take your shoes off before you take your pants off." I shook my head in amusement. She was still laughing. "Come here."

I grabbed her feet pulling off her shoes and then her leggings. I thought it was funny how she wore a pair of converse with the fancy outfit she had on. I sighed to myself as I thought about that being just another reason why I was internally struggling with myself about the feelings I felt for her. She was unique.

I stood up, pulling her up with me. "Can you manage now?"

She stopped laughing trying to be series. She stared at me for a second reaching for her answer. "No." She answered and started laughing again. "Criss."

"Hmm?"

"I'm drunk." She finally admitted. "Alright! I admit it! I've had _way _too much to drink." She laughed.

"That's an understatement." I muttered to myself. I grabbed the t shirt out of her hands and carried her back to the bed. I sat her back down on the side and stood in front of her.

"Wait, you're not drunk?" She asked me with a puzzled look on her face.

"I had two beers. It takes a lot more than that for me." I chuckled. "Now come on, lets get you in bed."

Lana put her arms up into the air as if telling me to pull her dress off.

"You sure you want me to do it?" I asked, making sure it was okay. The last thing I wanted was to make her think I was taking advantage of her while she was drunk.

"Well apparently I cant." She said sarcastically. I smiled and shook my head.

I grabbed the bottom of her dress and slowly pulled it up and over her head, leaving her in nothing but her bra and underwear. She slapped her arms back down to her sides and sighed. I looked her up and down. Id never seen anything so beautiful in my life. Her matching white lace bra and panties were almost see through. Before thoughts could run through my head I grabbed the t shirt off the bed and went to pull it over her head, but her hand quickly stopped me.

"Lana, what are you doing?" I asked.

She didn't say anything, she grabbed both my hands and pulled herself up. She started to fall back down so I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her into my chest. The feel of her bare flesh on my hands made me quiver, and I could feel her long hair brushing against my hands. I tried not to think about how little she was wearing.

"Lana." I started. But she put a finger over my lips.

"Shh." She told me, as she glared into my eyes.

Keeping her eyes locked with mine she removed her finger from my lips, brushing my hair away from my face and tucking it behind my ear.

"Lana, we should really get you to bed." I protested. But instead she slowly moved her hands down to my waist and slid them underneath my shirt. I could feel her fingers tracing the outline of my abs. It sent shivers down my spine. _Please don't do this!_ I thought. _Not now, not while you're so vulnerable and I'm on the edge of not being able to resist._

She slid her hands up farther taking my shirt with her. I lifted my arms into the air and she pulled my shirt over my head and tossed it onto the floor. Then she reached her arms behind her and unsnapped her bra, letting it fall to the floor. I let out a groan; she was making things very difficult for me.

She laid her head against my chest as she continued to rub her fingers up and down my stomach. I rested my cheek on the top of her head. I could feel her breasts pressed into me. It was making me want her more and more by the second. I closed my eyes, taking in every inch of her touch. I rubbed my hands up and down her back. But the feel of her skin made it worse. Her skin was so smooth and flawless, soft, and it was driving me wild.

In that moment she pushed away from me, falling back onto the bed, pulling me down on top of her so I straddled her waist. I held myself above her, looking into her eyes. "Lana, we shouldn't." But my pleas were cut off by her lips.

Her lips were so soft and warm. She opened her mouth inviting me in; I could taste the apple pucker as our tongues massaged each others. My body finally gave in when she ached her body into mine, the feel of her bare breasts against my skin, her heat seeping through my jeans, I couldn't take it anymore. I placed my hands on either side of her head and devoured her mouth; our kiss grew from passionate to hungry. Finally satisfying the hunger we had both been feeling all night.

Not breaking away from our kisses, Lana reached down to my pants and unbuckled my belt, then the button, then the zipper. I lifted my hips up and she pushed my jeans down my legs with her feet. When they got to my ankles I kicked them off one leg at a time, leaving me in my boxers. I put my legs back onto the bed. Lana had managed to get her legs outside of mine, she wrapped her legs around my waist, pulling my closer to her. Our kisses were still wild and crazy.

She reached down and started to pull at my boxers. That was when my better judgment finally kicked in. _Better late then never I guess._ I lifted myself up and snapped my hand on top of hers. "Lana, we cant do this." I objected.

She propped herself up onto her elbows. "Why not?"

"Because sweetie, you're drunk, you don't know what you're doing. And I don't want to take advantage of you." I explained.

"Whatever!" She yelled and threw herself back onto the bed. Oh great! So now she thought I was completely rejecting her.

I leaned back down and kissed her. "Its not that I don't want you Lana." I chuckled. "Believe me, I want you." I groaned as I pushed my hips lightly into hers and quickly kissed her again. She had no idea how hard it was for me to tell her no. "Just not like this. I don't want you to wake up in the morning and regret what you did because you were drunk. If we're going to make that decision, then we are going to do it sober."

I got off the bed, grabbed my t shirt and held it out to her. She sat up and held her arms up for me to pull it over her head. I put the shirt on her and leaned down to kiss her cheek.

"Ill sleep on the couch tonight." I said as I turned to walk away.

She grabbed my hand before I could turn and pulled me back down on the bed, turning both of us on our sides facing each other. "Don't leave, please, stay with me."

If only she knew how much I needed to hear her say that. I didn't understand why I couldn't leave her, but every time I thought about it, my stomach twisted into knots. Ive known her for three days and I already felt like my heart would crumble if she wasn't with me. I wasn't use to feeling this way. Yea, Id been in love before, or at least I thought I was, but this felt so much different.

I placed my hand on the side of her face and rubbed her temple with my thumb as I stared into her eyes. "What is it about you?" I asked, more myself than her. She gave me a quick smile and looked away from me, obviously unsure of how to respond. "Ill stay, but you need to sleep." I told her.

"Promise."

She crawled to the top of the bed, flipped the covers down and got underneath. I followed behind her and pulled the covers over the top of us. She was laying on her side facing me, her knees bent upwards. I kissed her lips one last time before she snuggled her head into my chest and closed her eyes.

I wrapped my arms around her and I realized that the feeling I had at that moment was a bit overwhelming. This was how I wanted to wake up every morning, for the rest of my life. With Lana wrapped in my arms.


	9. Chained to you

**Chained to you**

* * *

><p><em>I feel the magic all around you,<em>

_Its bringing me to my knees like a wannabe,_

_I've gotta be chained to you,_

_Tell me its madness,_

_I barely know you._

_Savage Garden – Chained to you_

* * *

><p><strong>CPOV<strong>

"What the hell are you thinking Criss?" My brother snapped into the phone.

"I don't know JD! I really like this girl. Shes not crazy, and shes not going to give me problems like the others did." I tried to explain. I flipped the bacon around in the pan and stirred up the eggs

"You don't know that Criss. You don't know anything about this girl! Shit, You've known her for four whole days. If you're having a midlife crisis then go out and buy another expensive car or something. But don't go out and find some girl, that you know nothing about, and think you're falling for her! Criss! What the hell man?" JD yelled. "And to make matters worse, you take her out, get her drunk and then take her back to your hotel, alone?"

"Nothing happened JD! Nothing happened, alright? I'm fine, shes fine, every thing is fine." I reassured him.

"Something could have happened Criss, easily." He warned.

"But nothing did." I gritted my teeth.

"You didn't sleep with her did you?" He asked me. I fell silent. I couldn't believe he was asking me that.

"Did you?" JD demanded.

"No JD, I didn't." I snapped.

"Criss, I'm series, tell me the truth, did you sleep with her? Cause you know the tabloids will have a field day with it!"

"No, JD, I did not sleep with her, I'm not like that anymore man, I went through a rough spot with Joanne, and its over." I sighed trying to calm myself down.

"JD, look, I know I'm the little brother and all, but give me some friggin credit. I'm not that stupid. I know enough about this girl to know I'm in no danger. And I think I'm old enough to make my own relationship decisions. If I want to spend time with this girl, then I'm going to," I snapped back at him. "Jeez, what happened to the good ol' days, where you spent time with a girl to get to know her, instead of checking her background?"

"Stalkers, internet and being the worlds best known magician, that's what happened to it." JD responded back, making me roll my eyes.

"Criss, I'm not trying to be a jerk here, I'm just looking out for you. You know they go psycho after you sleep with them, so please, just be careful, and make sure you know what you're doing before you do it. And for gods sake, don't be stupid about it if you do anything with her. You've already had that scare once."

"Yea, no need to remind me, I remember. It hasn't gone that far with Lana, and I don't think it will any time soon, I'm trying to do things right this time. And trust me, if it does happen, we know what we are doing." I sighed.

"JD, You and Costa are always looking out for me. And I love you guys for it, but I'm asking just this once, let it be. There's something about this girl. Something that I'm not willing to give up, and so what if I fall for her? I know shes not ill intended, so what harm is it? I'm not going to risk losing her over some stupid paranoia." I tried to reason with him.

"Christ would you listen to yourself!" JD snapped. He must have been extremely pissed to cuss like that. JD knew better than to use the lords name in vein. "I don't know what shes done to you but something going on. _You've know her for three days Criss!"_

"First of all, watch your mouth! Secondly, this is none of your concern." I snapped back. "We all had our doubts about Lynn, and everything turned out fine." I knew it was a low blow for me to bring up Lynn, but I needed a way to get through to him.

"Criss, Lynn and I had known each other for a very long time before we got married, _and_ I wasn't famous and didn't have millions of girls trying to get with me just for my money or fame. I knew I could trust Lynn." he retaliated. I winced at his stab, well aware of his meaning behind the comment. He took a deep breath.

"Look, all Im saying is you need to be extra careful. She could break you Criss, you get too attached to these girls only to find out they never wanted to be with you for who you really were."

"She's not like them JD." I defended Lana.

"Things happen Criss." We both fell silent. I didn't want to argue about it anymore. I was fully aware of the risks I was taking every time I got into a new relationship. And I knew that no matter how hard I tried, JD was not going to listen to me. I would just have to prove that Lana wasn't 'one of them'.

"So, Costa is packing the last of his things, our flight leaves in an hour. Will you be at your hotel tonight?" JD broke the silence.

"No, I had something planned tonight." I told him.

"With Lana I presume?" He asked with a hint of disapproval.

I heard the floor creek in the bedroom. "JD, I gotta get going."

"Just be careful brother. I love you."

"Love you too. Bye." I hit the end button, flung my phone onto the counter and took a deep breath. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to call JD, he always had a way of stressing me out. He was such a worry wart that he took the meaning of 'protective older brother' to a whole new level.

"Criss?" I heard Lana call from behind me. I turned my head to look at her. She was standing outside the bedroom door, still wearing just my t shirt. My body reacted just as Id imagined it would.

"Hey there sleepy head, how ya feeling?" I smiled.

* * *

><p><strong>LPOV<strong>

I opened my eyes and found myself staring at a light yellow ceiling, a ceiling that didn't look like my own. My head was killing me and I couldn't remember much of last night. I rolled over to get a wider view of my surroundings. I didn't recognize this room at all. Then it hit me, Criss! I was in Criss' hotel room. But why?

I remembered staring at him before dozing off. But that was the most I was getting out of my brain for right now. I needed food. I could hear my stomach growling at me. I untangled myself from the blanket and headed for the door. As I got closer to the door I could hear mumbling. It sounded like Criss was on the phone.

I walked out of the bedroom and I could instantly smell bacon. My stomach growled a little louder. I turned to my right and saw the kitchen. I could see Criss standing at the stove. He was wearing a light green t shirt and a dark green pair of flannel pajama bottoms. I think it was the first time Id ever seen him look so... normal. I jumped slightly when he threw his phone down on the counter.

"Criss?" I asked as I hesitated outside the bedroom door.

"Hey there sleepy head, how ya feeling?" He turned to smile at me.

I walked to the table and sat down, plopping my head on the table top and moaned. My head felt like it was going to explode.

"That bad huh?" Criss laughed as he sat a plate next to me, and walked back to the stove. He made me breakfast?

"Hungry. Tired. And I think I got hit by a bus last night." I mumbled into the table. "You'd think if I was hit by a bus you would've taken me to a hospital instead."

He laughed. "So the aspirin didn't work huh?" He asked as he walked back to me, placing some bacon on the plate and then scrapping some eggs on next.

"Aspirin?" I asked as I lifted my head to look at him.

He stopped in front of me and studied my face. He stood there for a moment and raised his eyebrow at me. "How much of last night do you remember?" He asked as he placed the pans back onto the stove top.

"Well, I remember going out to the bar with Ted and his wife. You and I danced," I paused, "and kissed." I blushed slightly.

He backed up and leaned against the counter with his elbows. "Yea, and then?"

"After that its all kind of a blur." I said as I picked up a piece of bacon and started nibbling on it.

"So you don't remember almost getting into a fist fight with some girl? And what happened after we got back here?" he asked in an amused tone. Why did I get the feeling he enjoyed watching my drunk ass make a fool of myself?

"I did what?" I dropped the remainder of my bacon back onto the plate, I had suddenly lost my appetite.

He laughed. "You got pretty territorial over me. A girl came up to me while I was sitting at the bar and, well, it was obvious she was flirting with me, you got in her face and told her if she didn't back off you were going to 'judo chop her in the throat'. You actually had her on the ground and I had to pull you off of her. Boy, you are one feisty thing when you've had one too many" He laughed.

"Seriously? I did that? Why would I get territorial? Its not like you and I are," I paused , "together, like dating, or anything." His smile immediately disappeared and he looked down at the floor. "Although it does sound like something Id say." I said more to myself.

"Well no, we aren't dating, but I was hoping that was the direction it was leading in." He said looking at me now.

I turned sideways in the chair to look at him fully. Just as I was about to reply, his previous statement popped into my head.

"Wait a minute, you said 'what happened after we got back here'. What the hell did I do this time?" I was starting to freak. Criss stayed silent. "Wait a minute..We didn't..." I hesitated, "we didn't..." Panic was sinking in, "Well.. You know.." He raised an eyebrow at me, "we didn't... sleep together... did we? I mean I'm not like that, I mean, I do get crazy when I'm drunk, and I do some really stupid things. I mean, I want to sleep with you, but I don't want you to think I'm easy or anything." I rambled on.

Criss watched me as I stumbled over my words with an amused smile. Holy shit! Did I just admit out loud that I wanted to have sex with him? That alcohol must have done a number on me.

"I'm shutting up now." I finally said. I slapped my hands over my face and rubbed the sides of my nose with my middle fingers. I knew it was a bad idea to go to the bar, and now Criss probably thought I was an idiot. I probably blew every chance I had of getting him to like me now.

Criss pushed himself off the counter and placed his hands on my shoulders. "Lana, relax, nothing happened. I didn't let it."

"What do you mean you didn't let it?" I asked. "You mean I tried?" Oh great! Now he did think I was a slut. Probably thought I was a desperate slut.

"Well, you certainly did try, but I knew you were pretty smashed," he shrugged, "And I'm just not like that. I didn't want you to do anything you'd regret."

I looked down at the floor. Wow, how much of an ass could I make of myself in one night?

Criss nudged my shoulder. "Hey, nothing happened. Don't worry about it. But I will give you one thing. You weren't lying when you said you get crazy when you drink." He laughed.

I tried to smile. "Criss I'm really sorry." I was more embarrassed than anything.

He crouched down in front of me so our eyes were level. "Lana, its fine, really, nothing happened. So there's nothing to be sorry about. Besides, I like the drunk Lana," He smiled. "Not as much as I like the sober Lana, but drunk Lana is fun too. Just as long as I'm the only person drunk Lana tries to seduce." He grinned at me.

He positioned himself with his knees on the floor and leaned himself back against them. He sat there for a while staring at me.

"What?" I asked.

"You're just really beautiful." He whispered and ran a hand across my cheek.

Beautiful? I was a mess, completely hung over, my makeup was probably smeared all over my face, my hair more than likely a frizz ball and I was wearing practically nothing. I suddenly felt self conscious as I remembered that I was sitting in the kitchen, wearing only Criss' t shirt and a pair of undies.

"Ugh!" I said, "Come on Criss, I'm a mess right now. Beautiful mess is what I am." I joked trying to take my mind off the fact that I was pretty much naked, with Criss sitting right in front of me. I grabbed the ends of the t shirt and wadded it into my fists, attempting to pull the shirt down to cover some of my bare thighs.

Criss moved his head down to my neck and kissed it, letting his lips linger on my skin for a moment, then slowly lifted his head and looked back up at me. "And you look like a hott mess in nothing but my t shirt." He grinned at me, his hands wrapped themselves around mine.

He kissed my neck softly as his hands slid upward, forcing my hands up with him, as well as the t shirt that I still had a tight grip on. I closed my eyes, and tilted my head backwards, I couldn't believe how good just this simple act felt.

"You look sexy as hell in it. God! I cant even tell you how badly I wanted to see you in my t shirt. Just _my_ t shirt." He growled. "Its better than I thought it would be." He freed my hands and placed his against my inner thighs, slowly moving them apart. He watched me as he sat up and moved between my knees. Both of us were breathing heavily. He slammed his lips against mine and kissed me hard, his hands grasping and pulling at my skin as his tongue went wild.

He slid his hands underneath my legs and pulled me closer to him, leaving no space between us. He wrapped my legs around his waist and continued kissing me. He swiftly got to his feet, keeping my legs in their place around his hips.

He turned sideways to the island counter and placed me on top of it. I tightened the grip my legs had on his waist. I could hear pots and pans crashing to the ground. I hooked one leg high up around his waist and pulled him closer into me, making him moan when our bodies collided in just the right place. He leaned over me, pushing me backwards. I placed an elbow onto the counter to hold us up, and wrapped my other arm around his neck, pulling his lips further into mine.

I pulled my face away from his and took a much needed gulp of air. He didn't stop. He moved his lips down to my neck and started where our lips left off. He unwrapped a hand from my legs and placed it on the outside of my thigh, gently rubbing up and down. He kept his other hand placed around my leg, using it to pull me closer into him. He kissed harder on my neck, turning the kisses into sucking. His hips were rocking back and fourth into mine and I could hear him groan each time we rubbed against each other.

I threw my head back and moaned loudly, I wasn't sure how much more of this I could take. If he didn't take me then and there I was going to burst.

I pulled my arm off his neck and reached down, hooking my fingers inside his waist band, I slowly tugged down on them. My fingers brushed lightly against his dick, and I felt a jolt of electricity shoot through my entire body. I moaned loudly as he pressed himself harder into me, my hand still in his pants, and my fingers could now feel the pressure of his push, and the solidness of what I did to him. I had about ten seconds before I was going to burst into flames, I needed him, I had never been that hungry for a man in my life. I slipped my hand away from him and attempted to remove my panties

I felt Criss' hand slap onto the back of mine, stopping me before I had the cloth even pushed aside. He snapped his head up to look at me. I lifted my head to meet his eyes. He looked as if he was arguing with himself as he stared at me. We both sat there, watching one another, breathing fast, trying to catch our breath. He stared at me for a few more seconds, before pulling me forward and stepping backwards.

"I'm sorry Lana." He said in a quiet pant. "Its just that whenever you're near me, I go crazy, I can't think straight. I'm sorry."

I sat there for a moment, I was speechless. Was he really rejecting me? What did I do? Did I make that much of an ass of myself last night that he didn't want to go there? Finally I said the first thing that I could coherently think of. "Am I not good enough for you?" I realized after it had slipped that I was pretty angry.

He took a deep breath and exhaled. "No. That's not it. I just.. its hard to explain."

I hopped off the counter and glared at him. "You don't need to explain, I think I get it." I snapped and held up my hand to stop him from trying to explain further. "I'm gonna go take a shower and then Ill get out of your hair." I said, turning and walking towards the bathroom. So I was right all along. I wasnt good enough for him. I was just a stupid girl who fell for the oldest trick in the book.


	10. Through the glass

**Through the glass**

* * *

><p><em>When something like a soul becomes initialized<em>

_And folded up like paper dolls and little notes,_

_you cant expect a bitter folks, so while you're outside looking in,_

_describing what you see, remember what you're staring at is me._

_Stone Sour – Through the glass_

* * *

><p>I wrapped the towel around my hair, flipped it backwards and wiped away some steam from the mirror then leaned against the counter. I looked at the face that stared back at me. The girl I saw in the mirror looked tired. She was mentally stressed and run down. She looked pitiful, and it made me want to cry knowing that the girl in the mirror was me.<p>

I sighed pushing away from the sink and wrapped a towel around my body and looked over at the pile of clothes sitting in the corner. I hadn't planned on spending the night away from home, so the only clothes I had were the ones I wore last night. I scooped them up and gave them a nasty look. I hated having to put dirty clothes back on after I had showered, but I didn't have a choice, I couldn't go home naked.

I heard a light knock on the door before it slowly cracked open.

"Lana. You decent?" Criss asked from the other side of the door.

"Yea." I answered back. He poked his head through the crack before he opened the door completely and stepped into the bathroom. I looked at his hands and noticed he had some clothes.

"I know you don't have any clean clothes." He held them out to me, almost as if he read my mind. "They may be a little big, but I figured it would hold you over until you get home." So he was really going to just let me leave? So much for dreams coming true. I sighed heavily and took them from him.

"Thanks." I said with a little anger seeping through. "Yours?"

"Yea, that's all I have with me." He said.

"Thank you."

He gave me a light smile, turned on his heels and walked out the door, closing it behind him. I stood there for a moment lost in thought, I wanted to reach out to him and stop him from leaving the room, but it wouldn't make a difference. I didn't understand what he was doing. Why was he hanging around me if he obviously didn't think I was right for him?

And better yet, why was I still there for that matter? Why did I even care? It wasn't like me to let a guy make me feel like shit, so why was he any different? Because he was a celebrity? Hardly. He was a man, just like any other ordinary Joe out there with a penis. And just like any other guy, he had his bad side and could always find a way to piss me off. So why did I put up with it? Normally I would have walked away by now, but yet there I was, in his hotel bathroom, wearing his clothes. The more I got to know him, the harder it was to walk away. And there was no denying that from the moment I met him, there had been something that was bringing us together.

Flustered with myself, I mentally slapped the thoughts from my head. I needed to get out while I still could. I rummaged through the drawers looking for a brush. After going through five of the drawers I finally found one. I pulled it through my hair and styled it the way I wanted so it would dry. I took one last glance in the mirror before taking a deep breath and walking out of the bathroom.

Criss was laying on the bed, on top of the covers. His arms were folded under his head and he stared up at the ceiling. He was now fully dressed in a pair of Jeans, and a black hoodie.

I snatched my phone from the night stand and tried not to sound angry. "Ill just call a cab." I said and walked to the door.

"Lana, please," Criss pleaded quickly.

I hesitated by the door, my hand resting on the knob. "Criss," I lightly pressed my head against the door. "I'm really hung over and my head feels like its gonna explode. Do we have to do this now?" I mumbled into the door.

"So you're just going to run away then?" he snapped.

I sighed and turned around to face him. "Look, there's no point in doing this to ourselves. You think I'm not right for you, and I understand that, but please, lets just stop this before things get ugly."

"Is that what you think?" he snapped, pushing himself onto his elbows to look at me. "That you're not good enough for me? That's far from the truth."

"Then what _is_ the truth?" I asked folding my arms across my chest. "Please, enlighten me! Whats going on in that brain of yours, cause I have no fucking clue!" I snapped, a little too harshly.

He sighed heavily and closed his eyes while he searched for the right thing to say. He took a deep breath and looked over at me, hesitating for a moment. "This is getting serious, isn't it Lana?"

"I think so." I whispered and looked down to the floor. "Does that worry you?" I mumbled, hoping that I was finally going to get some answers.

"No." he replied, "It scares the hell out of me." I snapped my eyes back to him, puzzled.

He sighed and looked to the ceiling. "I'm scared. Ive been dating one wrong woman after another, and suddenly, I'm with someone who could be right. Its frightening." My mouth fell open, how was I supposed to respond to that? I couldn't, I stood there, staring at him, the silence in the room was growing thick.

He got up from the bed and walked to me, pushing me tightly against the door with his body. "Please, don't run from this Lana."

"What this?" I asked a little breathless from his sudden presence. He lowered his head down so his lips were barely touching mine. So close that one slight move, and I could taste his tongue.

"Don't tell me you haven't felt it." he whispered against my lips. "From the very first time we met, there's been an unexplainable attraction between us, like some.. magnetic force, that's pulling us together. You can't tell me you haven't felt it too. I know you have."

"Yes." I whispered breathlessly.

He rested his forehead against mine. "I like you Lana. A lot more than I should."

"Then why do you keep pushing me away?" I asked softly.

"I'm not pushing you away." he looked up at me, staring into my eyes. "You need to know who I really am before we commit to this." he confessed.

"Criss, I know who you are?" I said, searching his eyes for some meaning behind his words.

"I don't want you to have the wrong impression of me. I'm not who you think I am."

"Criss, you don't know who I think you are." I said and placed my hands on each side of his face. He sighed and pushed away from me.

"I know you've heard things about me." he said as he began to pace back and forth. "People hear those things and they paint a picture of me, and that picture couldn't be further from the truth. I just don't want you to look at me the way the rest of the world does Lana." He stopped pacing and stopped in front of me. "I want you to know the real me, and make your decision from that."

"What decision?" I asked.

"Whether or not you want to be in a relationship with me. Me, not Criss Angel, but me."

I stepped to him and looked up at him. "Criss, I didn't think you were what the media said. I know better, most of the stuff you hear from them is not true, if there's _any_ truth at all to what they say, then its a twisted version of the truth. But I already see the real you, and to be honest, the real you is so much better then the 'Criss Angel' you."

I smiled at him. "As for a relationship with you. I think with all thee obstacles we have to work around, that we should take it one day at a time."

I swore I heard my heart crack as I uttered those words. I was trying to put on the brave face, but it was growing harder to keep up the charade by the second.

Criss placed a hand lightly over my cheek and rubbed his thumb against my skin. "Lana, I don't know if I can leave you. I don't _want_ to leave you Lana." He said quietly.

"One day at a time." I smiled up at him, hoping my facade didn't break.

"One day at a time." he repeated back and stared down at me.

"Why don't you want to sleep with me?" I suddenly blurted out of no where without thinking.

His eyes grew wide with shock and he took a step back, getting a clear view of my face. "Lana, I never, ever said I didn't want to. I more than want to, trust me. But," He paused trying to gather his thoughts, "I don't want to rush things, this could be right, I don't want to blow it by going to fast." I stared at him and raised an eyebrow.

He sighed in frustration and went to sit on the edge of the bed. "Lana, every relationship I've had mainly consisted of sex. That's all we ever did, and that's all we ever cared about. We took things in a direction they shouldn't have gone, and I'm afraid it'll complicate things between you and I. And I don't want that. I really like you Lana, and I want to do things right with you. I'm not willing to give you up."

"So what? You're never going to sleep with me?" I asked, letting some of my anger slip out. It was just sex, I didn't understand why I was making such a big deal out of it, although I couldn't help but feel a little rejected.

"God no." he looked horrified, "I don't think I could restrain myself for that long anyways. All I'm saying is, lets take it slow."

I smiled lightly and walked to him. Taking a seat on his lap, I pushed him backwards so he sprawled across the bed and I straddled him. My plan was working, I could already see the frustration leaving his face as he crookedly smiled up at me.

"Criss," I said softly, "You're not going to lose me. And I can promise you, that sex, will never get in between us." I reassured him.

His smile grew wider as he placed his hands on my hips. "Even if its the best you've ever had and you just cant get enough?" He laughed.

"Even if its the worst I've ever had." I teased. His smile turned into a grin when he suddenly rolled my over and laid on top of me.

"Now _that _will never happen." he laughed and leaned down to kiss me. He placed his hand on my cheek and gazed down at me. "I've been waiting for you my whole life." he said, his face now series, before he pressed his lips to mine again.

* * *

><p>"Lana?" I heard Criss whisper into my ear as he kissed my cheek.<p>

"Hmm." I mumbled softly and slowly opened my eyes. We must have fallen asleep.

"You look so beautiful when you sleep."

I blushed and smothered my face into his chest. "Shut up." I muffled into his skin.

"You do. You move around a lot, and you talk in your sleep." He laughed. I kept my face hidden in his chest to hide my embarrassment.

"Come on," He said as he lifted himself up with his elbow and looked down at me. "As much as I would love to lay here in bed with you all day, we do have things to do."

I rolled my head to the side to look up at him. "What do you mean things to do? Its Friday, we don't get smashed again until Saturday." I grinned at him trying to be cute.

He smiled. "I'm taking you somewhere, but this time its a surprise, but we have a long drive, and its 1:00 already."

I grabbed the pillow beside me and threw it over my face. "Uhh, really?" I whined.

"Its now or never, and I'm not letting you off the hook, you'll really enjoy it, I promise." He insisted. "Besides, what else do we have to do today?"

"Lay in bed and be hung over." I grumbled.

"Funny girl. You're time to be hung over is gone. Now its time to spend the day with me." He ripped the pillow off my face, throwing it across the room. "Come on. For me?" He pleaded.

I sighed and propped myself up on my elbows. "Fine. You know, you make it very difficult to be pissy."

"Consider this _one_ of your birthday presents." he smiled crookedly. My mouth dropped open.

"How did you find out when my birthday is?" I eyeballed him suspiciously.

"I have my ways." he shrugged.

"Well its a little too early for a birthday present, so, I'm going back to bed." I stuck my tongue out at him and plopped back down onto the bed.

"February is only a little more than a month away, so nice try. Now come on." He said. He grabbed my hand and pulled me up. I frowned at him when I realized I was still in his pajamas.

"Uh, as much as I love getting in your pants," I grinned at him hoping he caught the insinuation, "I'm not going anywhere looking like this." I said looking down at Criss' clothes that hung loosely over my body.

"We will stop at your house on the way." Criss said as he pulled on a pair of jeans and a clean shirt. He slipped on his shoes and his jacket.

"God you look sexy like that!" I said out loud. I gasped and slapped a hand over my mouth. He snapped his head to look over at me. "That wasn't supposed to be said out loud."

He laughed and turned to me with a grin. "Its alright, you don't have to worry about what you say around me. I kinda like bluntness, no point in not saying what you're thinking, other wise no one will know the truth. Besides, I am sexy" He said with a huge grin.

"Boy aint that the truth." I laughed.

"Alright, come on, lets get going." He said. He handed me another jacket of his. "You didn't wear one last night, so I figured you might want something until we get back to your place."

I took it from him, flipped it over my back and slid my arms inside. "Thank you." I told him. I could smell him on the coat. He smelt ridiculously good. I didn't want to ever take it off. I wanted to smell him forever.


	11. ET

**E.T.**

* * *

><p><em>You're so hypnotizing,<br>_

_Could you be the devil? Could you be an angel?_

_Your touch magnetizing,_

_Feels like I am floating, leaves my body glowing._

_They say, be afraid, you're not like the others futuristic lover,_

_Different DNA, they don't understand you,_

_You're from a whole other world, A different dimension._

_Katy Perry - E.T._

* * *

><p>Criss wasn't joking when he said it was a long drive. He still wouldn't tell me where we were going, but he told me it would take about two hours to get there. Most of the ride we talked, getting to know each other better.<p>

"So when do I get to meet your family?" Criss asked me suddenly as he glared out the windshield.

"W-what?" I stuttered.

"Well, if we're going to keep this up, I'm going to have to get your families approval at some point. Lord knows the last thing I want is someone Dad hunting me down." I suddenly felt a shock run through my body.

My Dad. How was I going to explain that one to Criss, I wondered.

My real Dad lived in Texas. I talked to him every now and then, but we weren't as close as we once were. He moved down there with a friend to further his music career. My Dad had been playing music since he was a kid. He played just about anything you could hand him, and he was pure talent, didn't even know how to read sheet music. All his life he'd been told that he had a great voice. Him and his friend got an offer to sign on with a record company, unfortunately that company was in Texas. I was sad when he left, but I knew it was what he had always wanted.

My step dad was going to be the hard part to explain. Not because it was actually hard to explain, more of a hard situation for me or my family to think about, let alone talk about. My Mom and Dad had gotten a divorce when I was 13. It wasn't your typical divorce, where the kids were devastated and lashed out. My brothers and I were actually happy when the divorce happened. My parents hated each other, and when my Dad had finally moved out, it was more of a relief for us then it was a heart break.

My Mom met a man named James about a year after the divorce was final. I really liked James, he was a good man. I could tell my Mom had fallen quickly in love with him. And honestly we did too. We still loved our Dad with all our hearts, but seeming how my Mom had custody and James was always around, we grew very found of him and quickly. We no longer had to hear the constant fighting, and my Mom was happy, and that made us happy.

Mom and James got married the summer I was 15. And they were so happy. I could remember their wedding perfectly. It was the most beautiful wedding I had ever seen. I remembered my mom catching me drinking. Boy, that was a funny sight, seeing the look on my moms face as I stared at her from the bottom of my shot glass. It was perfect, the typical 'hands on hips what the hell are you doing' mother look. It was my brothers fault, they were dragging me to the bar and handing me shots every other minute. She wasn't too angry though. She knew it was a special day.

But when I was 16, everything changed. That was when James died.

"So what do you say?" Criss asked snapping me back out of my thoughts.

"Um," I hesitated hoping he would change his mind, "tomorrow before the party?"

"Perfect!" He giggled.

I didn't know how this was going to go over. My family were a riot to be around, my brothers a little over protective, but they were just like me. Very easy to get along with, until you pissed them off. I just hoped Criss could handle my family.

I hadn't mentioned Criss to my family yet, and I felt a little nervous about how they were going to react. They normally weren't too bad when it came to me dating, but I wasn't sure if they were going to be okay with _who_ I was dating this time. Criss was famous and that meant he lived a complete different life. I was afraid that my family would protest against my being involved with someone who had such a different lifestyle than I was use to.

The rest of the ride we played music trivia. Flipping through radio stations. The first one to name the song or artist got a point. Criss was pretty good at it. He almost had me for a while, but with my dad being a musician my entire life, I knew my music.

As soon as we drove into the city limits, I knew where we were. We were in Grand Rapids. I would recognize that city anywhere. He pulled the car into the restaurant, put the car in park and turned to look at me.

"Figured it was a long drive, maybe we could grab something to eat before the main event." He told me with a grin on his face.

"I still wish you'd tell me where we are going." I smiled at him, trying to charm him into telling me.

"Not a chance." He grinned at me and flung open his door. He walked to my door, took my hand and led me into the restaurant.

My stomach was too full by the time we got back to the car. They had great food and it was hard to stop eating. Not too many people bothered us, a few moms with their kids here and there, the waitress couldn't get the grin off her face, but for the most part it was quiet.

"uhhh, I think I ate too much." I groaned as I tilted my seat back a little bit. Criss chuckled.

"Don't worry, it wont take long to get there, just relax for a bit."

I leaned back in the seat and tried to take my mind off my stomach.

I started to think about the past few days. I was having the time of my life. I was trying hard not to think about how much I was falling in love with him. But every second I spent with him made it harder. I knew the real Criss now, and the real Criss was so much better than the tv Criss. I didn't know how any of his past girlfriends could've let him go. He was an amazing man. He treated me how I was supposed to be treated. And at this point, I was beginning to think there wasn't anything he wouldn't do for me. I didn't want him to leave.

Maybe Id get lucky, maybe he felt the same way about me. Maybe he would decide not to leave, or to take me with him. My heart sank at the realization that it couldn't happen that way. Criss had his obligations to his career, and I to my family. I knew he had spent almost his entire life trying to get where he was. I knew that his career was number one in his life. And I also knew that even if he didn't have a contract with the luxor, he wouldn't let his fans down like that. So Criss staying with me wasn't an option.

My family and I were extremely close, I couldn't and didn't want to imagine my life without them. And if I were to move to the other side of the country, I wouldn't have the money to fly out and see them whenever I wanted. And my family was middle class, they couldn't afford to come see me either.

I grew up very different then most people, most people loved their families without question, but most weren't as close as I was with mine. In my family, there was nothing that we wouldn't do for each other. We would take a bullet for the other without even thinking about it first. My dad was the youngest of 8 children, and every one of them loved each other more than anything. My Dad carried that family value into our family. And with every hardship we went through, it only made our bond stronger. So my moving to the other side of the country would almost literally kill me, and my family. So me going with Criss was out of the question.

I found myself getting very worked up over my thoughts. I racked my brain trying to figure out a way to avoid what I knew was coming. He couldn't stay with me, and I couldn't go with him. What other choices were there? To go our own ways and be miserable without each other? To live day by day, waiting for the day that he could fly back out to Michigan? What kind of life was that? I couldn't live like that. And I was pretty sure he couldn't either.

And what if he forgot about me? What if he went back to Vegas and moved on? What if he found a new girl? I wouldn't blame him if he did. But I didn't know if I could take that kind of pain. I knew I would never find a man like him. He was one of a kind. And the more I fell for him, the more it hurt to think about what was to come.

I closed my eyes tightly, bit down on my lip and took in a deep breath. I was trying to shut out my thoughts. They were doing me no good. There was nothing that could be done. I needed to focus on what was happening in that moment, to enjoy every second I had with him, while I still had him. Cause no one knew what the future would bring. But I knew what pain I would suffer.

"You okay over there?" Criss asked, snapping me out of my thoughts. "You don't look so good."

I smiled slightly. "I'm fine, just thinking."

"Bout what?" He asked me.

I shook my head. "Nothing important." I didn't know if I was trying to convince him or myself.

He looked over at me as he put the car in park. He scrutinized my face for a moment. "Somethings wrong." He said in a low voice as he cocked his head to the side.

I lightly slapped my hand onto his leg. "Its nothing Criss, I just think too much."

"You sure?"

I nodded my head and smiled. "I'm sure."

"Alright then, well we're here."

I sat up in my seat to see where we were. Sitting outside the Van Andel Arena.

"Whats up with this?" I asked him confused. I still didn't get what the surprise was.

He grinned over at me. "Just follow me and you will find out." We got out of the car and walked towards the building. I started to head to the main entrance, where there were hundreds of people standing. Criss quickly grabbed my arm and pulled me with him. "Not that way."

He led me to the side of the building, where there was a small gray door and a dark haired, extremely muscular bouncer standing outside of it. "Wait here a second." He said to me. He walked over to the man. I couldn't hear what was being said. A minute or two later Criss walked back to me and took my hand. "Come on."

He led me through the gray door. When we walked in it got suddenly loud. I could hear crowds of people screaming and saw tons of people dressed in all black with headsets running around the room. I looked up at Criss, I was starting to get a little nervous. He just smiled at me and squeezed my hand.

We walked a little further which led us into a nicer room. The walls were an off white with brown trim. The carpet was tan and there were brown leather couches lining the walls. I looked to my left to see three guys sitting on the couches. One of them seemed to be playing drums on the coffee table that sat in front of them. The other two both had guitars in their hands, they were looking down, sliding their fingers back and fourth across the strings, they looked to be discussing cords.

"Jared!" Criss yelled to one of them. The one furthest on the right flipped his head up. It was Jared Leto! My heart started pounding against my chest. I had no idea where Criss was taking me, but this beat anything I had in my head. My grip tightened on his hand and he smiled down at me.

"Criss mother fuckin Angel!" Jared yelled to him as he set his guitar down beside him and walked towards us. "How ya doing man?" He asked Criss as they shook hands.

"Not bad man, I just wanted to say thanks for doing this, it means a lot." Criss told him.

"Ah its no problem, I'm just glad to finally meet you, I see your face everywhere, and I've seen your show, you're pretty bad ass. Hey by the way, how did you do that, ya know? The walkin on water thing?" Jared asked with a grin on his face.

Criss laughed. "Spoilers." He said and winked at Jared. "How you doing?"

"Hangin in there. Getting ready to go out there and kick some ass." Jared laughed and glanced over at me. The second he looked at me, I could feel my heart trying to rip its way out of my chest, and the butterflies in my stomach did back flips. I didn't know why I was so worked up. I was standing there with Criss Angel for petes sake. "And who is this lovely lady?" He asked moving his eyes back to me.

"This is Lana. Shes a die hard 30 seconds to mars fan, and I wanted to do something special for her." Criss explained.

Jared took my hand and kissed the top of it. "Very nice to meet you Lana."

"You too." I giggled.

"So are you two, an item?" Jared asked with a grin.

"Yes."

"No." Criss and I both said at the same time. Jared lifted an eyebrow in question. Criss glared down at me with almost the same expression as Jared.

"Yes." I corrected myself and cleared my throat. Up until that moment, I wasn't sure if that's what we were. But Criss' yes to that question definitely put things into perspective, and now I felt like an imbecile.

"So, anyways, we head out in just a few minutes, you guys can just follow me till we get to the entrance, then my assistant will show you where to stand, they got the stage roped off so you guys are going to be standing by the side. That way the rope will stop you guys from being crushed by all those crazy bastards out there." He laughed.

"Thanks man. I really appreciate it." Criss told him.

Jared looked back over at me. "So Lana, know how to play anything?" He asked me.

"Well, I know how to play the piano. That's about it." I laughed feeling a little embarrassed.

"Really? No guitar or drums? You look like a rocker." He stated with a smug smile on his face.

I gave him a crooked smile. "I am. But no, no drums no guitar. Music runs in my blood but so far the only thing I got into was piano. I can play one song on guitar."

"Oh yea, whats that?" He asked.

"Free falling by Tom Petty. It was the easiest song to learn, my brother taught me." I laughed.

"Great song. I give you points." He chuckled.

"I can kick ass at guitar hero though." I laughed again.

"Really now? Maybe we should take that to the challenge after the show. If you guys can hang for a bit after?" He looked over at Criss. I squeezed his hand and looked up at him with puppy dog eyes.

"I don't have a problem with it." Criss answered and shook his head at me with a smile.

"Great! We got about 2 minutes so we gotta run now! Follow me." Jared laughed. We walked behind him as he led us to an entrance way, it reminded me of a hockey arena. "Well this is where I leave you guys." He said as we came to a stop. "My assistant Carol will show you guys where to stand."

"Good luck! And can you do me a favor?" I added as Jared was about to walk away.

"Anything."

"Play The Kill! My favorite!"

"Just for you." He pointed his finger at me and winked. "See you guys after the show." He turned and sprinted towards the curtains. A young black haired lady with think framed glasses appeared at our side.

"Follow me." She said as we heard Jared over the mic. "How yall doin tonight!" He screamed. The crowd went into an up roar. It was so loud that I had to cover my ears.

We followed her out through the entrance. Right in front of us was a huge stage that Jared and the rest of his band stood on. I looked up ahead of the stage and saw thousands of people sitting in the stands. And a couple hundred more flooding the floors. We walked to the side of the stage where about 20 other people stood. I was assuming it was the sound tech and what not.

Carol leaned down to yell into my ear. "You guys can stand here. Best seats in the house if you ask me." She smiled. "If you need anything just come let me know, Ill only be a few spots away. There are some seats here if your feet need a rest. But with the show these guys put on, sitting never seems to happen over here." She laughed.

"Thank you." I yelled to her. She nodded and walked away. I grabbed Criss' hand and looked up at him. He looked down at me and smiled. I mouthed to him 'thank you'. His smile grew wider and he pulled me to his side, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

Where we stood was a perfect view. No heads in the way, no crazy drunks trying to crush me in the mosh pit. I could see the entire band. I was having the time of my life. I sang along to every song they played. Not caring how horrible I sounded, how much I hurt my throat, or who was listening.

The first song they played was This is war. Great way to get the crowd instantly going. They played great song after great song. Each song they played made me want to go join the mosh pit that much more. But Criss some how knew that's what I was thinking. And every time Id move forward I would feel his hold on me tighten. He was right, with how little I was, Id get squashed in that mosh pit, and no one would ever find me.

"So, everyone knows this last one. But I was specifically asked to make sure I play this tonight. So here it is!" Jared announced into the microphone. He looked over to the side of the stage where we stood and pointed his finger at me. "This ones for you Lana!" I grinned up at him and he winked at me.

"What if I wanted to break." He sung. "Laugh it all off in your, face, what would you do? What if I fell to the floor, couldn't take all this anymore, what would you do, do, do?" He held the mic out to the crowd and the crowd screamed. "Come, break me down, bury me, bury me, I am finished with you." The music stopped suddenly. "You know what, fuck it! Lana!" He yelled and flipped his body around towards us. "Come up here!" He yelled as he walked to the side of the stage and held out his hand.

I looked over at Criss. He smiled and let me go. I walked to the stage and took Jareds hand. He pulled me up and walked me to the center of the stage. I wasn't one for stage fright, but being in front of that many people, with Jared Leto, had my stomach in knots.

Jared stood beside me and placed an arm around my shoulder. "Now this here is Lana. And she's a die hard 30 seconds fan! Now all you crazy die hard bastards out there, make some fuckin noise!" He yelled and held the microphone out to the crowd. The crowd went crazy, screaming at the top of their lungs. I flinched from the sound. The music started back up.

"What if I wanted to fight, beg for the rest of my life, what would you do? You say you wanted more, what are you waiting for? I'm not running from, you." Jared leaned closer to me, holding the mic between the both of us. I screamed along with him "Come, Break me down, bury me, bury me, I am finished with you, look in my eyes, your killing me, killing me, all I wanted was you." He pulled the mic back to him and started walking around the stage as he sang. "I tried to be someone else, but nothing seemed to change, I know now, this is who I really am inside. Finally find myself, fighting for a chance I know now."

He made his way back to me and held this mic between both of us again. I screamed at the top of my lungs. "THIS IS WHO I REALLY AM." he held the mic out to the crowd and the cooed along with the lyrics. The music stopped and Jared flipped the mic back to him. "Come on you fuckers! You can do better than that!" He yelled to the crowd. "Lets hear it!" The crowd screamed louder and the music started back up.

"Ahhh Ahhhh, Ohhh Ohhh, Ahhh, Ahhh." They screamed louder this time. He flipped the mic back to him. "Come break me down, bury me, bury me, I am finished with you, you, you. Look in my eyes, your killing me, killing me, all I wanted was you. Come, break me down, break me down, break me DOWN. What if I wanted to break." The music stopped and the crowd went crazy.

"I just wanted to say thank you to all you guys out there! Its been a great night, you all have been great and I love you all!" Jared yelled into the mic. The crowd boomed louder than before and Jared held his arms up in the air as we all walked off stage.


	12. If you're not the one

**If you're not the one  
><strong>

* * *

><p><em>I never know what the future brings,<br>_

_But I know you're here with me now,_

_We'll make it through,_

_And I hope you are the one I share my life with._

_I don't wanna run away,_

_But I can't take it, I don't understand,_

_If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?_

_Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?_

_Daniel Bedingfield - If you're not the one_

* * *

><p><strong>CPOV<strong>

Lana jumped off the side of the stage and flung her arms around my neck. I threw my arms around her waist and hugged her tightly. She smashed her lips onto mys cheek and hugged me tighter.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" She squealed in between kissed.

"You are very welcome." I laughed with a wide grin.

"Seriously, this is the best thing that anyone has ever done for me!" she grinned up at me. I placed my hand on her cheek and rubbed her jaw with my thumb as I gazed into her eyes.

"I would do anything for you." I whispered to her. I wasn't sure if she caught what I said over the roar of the crowd, but when her eyes softened and her jaw dropped slightly, I knew she heard. She opened her mouth to speak.

"Hey come on you two! Before they break down that rope and stampede over us." Jared interrupted us as he jogged towards the back exit.

I smiled crookedly at Lana, who was still trying to regain her composure after my sudden outburst. I had no idea why I said it, it just slipped out. I snatched her hand and sprinted towards the exit behind Jared.

"Pretty good out there Lana!" Jared laughed and gave her a quick hug.

"Thanks." She blushed and looked up at me. I tried my hardest to let that one roll off my shoulders. Jared seemed to be a little too touchy feely for my taste, but I wasn't going to let my jealousy ruin this for Lana.

"You ever thought about singing?" he asked her with a hint of flirt in his voice. Was he seriously hitting on her while I was standing right next to her? I was holding her frickin hand for shits sake!

"No, I mean yea, my dads a musician and it kind of runs in the family, but I get a bit of stage fright so I never pursued anything." Lana answered, her cheeks still fuming pink.

"You really should. You've got a great voice. And it didn't look like you had stage fright out there." Jared nudged her on her shoulder. Lana shrugged and looked to the ground.

At that moment I realized something, Lana had no idea how beautiful she was. She looked so down on herself, about everything. I could see it, the way she looked embarrassed when someone payed her a compliment, the way she would always brush off the fact that she was good at something. She really had no idea how desirable she was to a man. How desirable she was to me.

"So, you guys up for hanging out at my hotel? I got a pretty sweet room." He asked us.

Lana looked up at me, her eyes obviously begging me to say yes. I wasn't too keen on the idea of giving Jared more opportunity to flirt with Lana, but I had to remind myself that this was for Lana, not for my benefit. I just wanted to make her happy, and if hanging out with the Letos after the concert was what she wanted to do, then I would just have to make sure Jared kept his hands to himself.

I looked down at my watch and then back at Lana. "We've got some extra time." I smiled at her, trying to keep the annoyance out of my voice. Lana grinned at me happily.

"Bad ass. And I remember some one saying they could kick my ass at guitar hero?" Jared joked as he wrapped his arm around Lanas shoulder and began to walk her towards the back door.

* * *

><p>I was deep in thought as I drove down the deserted freeway. I glanced over at Lana, who was sound asleep in the passenger seat. It had been a long and exciting night for her. I couldn't help but smile to myself as I thought about the night we had. Lana couldn't keep the happiness from leaking out. I knew she loved 30 seconds to mars, and I could tell that I had made her night by taking her to that concert.<p>

The only thing that kept my mind from being completely peaceful was thinking about the way Jared Leto acted around her. I was happy with the fact that they got along so well. They both hit it off immediately, like they had been friends their whole lives, and I was okay with that. If I was flirting with the idea of being with Lana permanently than she needed to feel comfortable around the celebrity life style.

But what I didn't like was how Leto seemed to take every opportunity he could to flirt with her. I trusted Lana, but I wasn't so sure about Leto yet. He seemed like a good guy, and he seemed like the type of guy that wouldn't make a move on a girl he knew was taken already. From things I've heard about him, he seemed to flirt with every girl he met, it didn't necessarily mean anything, but it was still unsettling to me.

We had a great time back at Letos hotel. He wasn't kidding when he said video games was a big part of their past time. I was very impressed with Lanas playing. She was good at guitar hero. Even for them being professional musicians, none of the mars crew could beat her at any song. I definitely couldn't.

I laughed quietly to myself as I thought about how mad Shannon and Tomo were getting with the fact that they couldn't beat her. Leto seemed to have a good time trying to win. He invited us to stay for the night, but we had a big day ahead of us so we decided heading home was a good idea. I could tell Lana was exhausted. So instead he insisted we both come to the next concert they had in town, and also that we spend the entire weekend next time. Lana was thrilled with that idea.

I glanced back over at Lana and I could feel my heart sink. I only had a few more days with her. I didn't want to leave her. I still hadn't figured out what to do about our situation. I had ran through all the scenarios in my mind. And came up with nothing. I knew I couldn't stay here, and I knew she couldn't come with me. But what about just staying together and seeing each other as much as we could? I could fly out and visit every day that I had off.

But there was only one problem. What if Lana met someone while I was gone? What if she couldn't take not being with me, met someone, and decided to be with someone who she could see every day? I liked her way to much, and I could feel my heart hurting as those thoughts surfaced. My heart felt extremely heavy as I thought about my feelings for her. I loved her. I fell in love with her from the moment we met, and by that point in time, I couldn't fall any further. I was in love with her.

I reached my hand over and placed it on top of hers. She stirred quietly in her sleep and I felt her hand tighten around my fingers. I took in a deep breath and looked at the clock on the dash board. It was almost 4 o'clock. We left Letos hotel a little after 2, so it wasn't long before I could see the street lights of Jackson.

"Lana." I whispered as I pulled into her driveway. "Lana, were home." I slid the back of my hand across her check and she slowly opened her eyes.

"How long was I out?" She asked me with sleep heavy in her voice.

"Pretty much the whole ride home." I smiled.

"Why didn't you wake me? It must have been a lonely ride home for you."

"You looked like you needed the sleep." I told her.

She smiled at me with half open eyes. "You coming in?"

"Nah, I need to get back to my hotel, get a couple of hours before the ciaos tomorrow."

She grabbed my hand and pulled it towards her. "Stay with me?"

I turned my head and looked out the windshield. I knew I was setting myself up, and her for that matter. If things didn't go the way we wanted them to, then every memory was going to be harder than ever, for the both of us. I sighed and looked back over at her and smiled.

"Sure." I answered. I knew I shouldn't, but I couldn't resist. I wanted to spend every moment with her that I could, while I still could.

Her smile grew wider as she flung open her door and jumped out. She opened her front door and flipped on the hallway light.

"The bathrooms right there if you want to take a shower or something." She said pointing to the door in front of us. "I might have some of my brothers clothes hanging around if you need something to sleep in." She told me as she turned to face me.

"Actually that sounds perfect. I'm in dire need of a shower, and I don't think these jeans are going to be very nice to sleep in." I said to her.

"Alright, I'll go grab the clothes. Towels are in the wall cabinet." She jogged up the stairs and disappeared around the corner. I headed towards the bathroom shutting the door behind me. I liked her bathroom. It was definitely a girls bathroom, but very nice.

The light blue walls matched the light blue tiles perfectly. I was only to assume her theme were ducks. The tooth brush holder, rugs, soap holder, and shower curtain all had little yellow ducks littering them. She even had a small white framed picture of a duck hanging on the wall. The shower, toilet, sink and cabinet were white, matching the floor trim. It was a cozy bathroom.

I pulled my shirt, socks and pants off and folded them neatly placing them on top of the counter. I noticed a small pink bottle of perfume, I picked it up lightly and sniffed at the cap. It was a very strong smell, but it smelt really good. It smelt fruity but not so much to hurt your nostrils. Definitely a smell that would drive guys wild.

I closed my eyes as I took in the scent. It instantly made me think of Lana, it smelt exactly like her. I placed it back on the counter before it drove me crazy and sat down on the edge of the bathtub. I turned the water on and leaned my back against the side, waiting for the water to get warm.

A small tap came from the door. "Can I come in?" Lana softly asked from the other side of the door. I looked down, noticing that I was in just my boxers. Then I thought, it wasn't like she hadn't seen me more exposed than this, what the hell.

"Yea." I answered. The door slowly opened and Lana walked through the door. I could see she was caught off guard when she noticed my boxers.

"You expect me not to jump you all the time. But I come in here and you're practically naked?" She said to me with a slight smile on her face. "Here." She handed me a pair of pajama bottoms and a t shirt. "The pants are my brothers but the t shirt is mine, well it use to be my dads. Hope you don't mind."

I gave her a smile. "Thanks." She turned slowly and headed to the door. "Wait." I called to her. She stopped before the door but didn't turn around. "Do you want to join me?"

She spun around quickly, her eyes were wide and her mouth was halfway open.

"No funny business, just to relax," I said quickly, "and of course to get clean."

She closed her mouth and looked up to the ceiling. She bite her lip before looking back down to me. "Criss I don't know if I can handle being naked in a tub with you, especially if it doesn't involve funny business." she chuckled, only half serious.

I stood up and slipped off my boxers. Lana gasped at the sight of me naked and I couldn't hold back the smile on my face. Nor could I hold back the fact that just being in her presence made me hard, no, there was _no_ hiding that now. I slipped into the tub and leaned back, keeping my eyes on her the whole time.

I didn't know what the hell I was doing. She joked about not being able to handle being around me naked, it was no joke that I was going to be putting myself through hell in order to make sure I didn't take her on the spot. But I needed to feel her skin against mine.

"Criss I don't think.." she started.

"Please." I whispered to her. She sighed heavily and slowly began to strip, then sat in the tub in front of me. She was so rigid, her body extremely tense and I could tell she was having a hard time being modest about it.

"Relax." I chuckled trying to calm her nerves. I placed my hands onto her shoulders and slowly eased her backwards. I moaned softly as her body pressed lightly against me. I was going to have to try harder to contain myself.


	13. Last to know

**Last to know**

* * *

><p><em>Please, don't, don't let me be the last to know,<em>

_Don't hold back, just let it go._

_I need to hear you say,_

_You need me all the way,_

_Oh if you love me so,_

_Don't let me be the last to know._

_Britney Spears - Last to know._

* * *

><p>My heart was pounding as Criss massaged the shampoo into my scalp. It was extremely hard to contain myself and hold back from screwing him right there in the bathtub. I closed my eyes and concentrated on his fingers as they stroked my head. It felt so good, it had been a long time since I had a guy wash my hair for me, in fact, I couldn't recall the last time I had even bathed with a man.<p>

Criss grabbed a cup, tilted my head back against his chest and rinsed the shampoo out of my hair. His fingers expertly ran through my strands as he poured the water over my head, making sure no shampoo was left behind. My god he was good with his hands, and suddenly I found myself wondering what other tricks he could do with his fingers. I shuttered at the thought and quickly blocked it out of my mind, I was trying to control myself, and that wasn't helping.

I kept my head leaned backwards against his chest and slowly opened my eyes. He placed the cup back on the shelf and smiled down at me. His hard dick rested against my back, and there wasn't a second that went by that I wasn't hyper aware of that. Knowing that he was hot and bothered because of me, turned me on, and I had thought several times already of taking care of his neglected needs, but I respected his decision. He said he didn't want sex to ruin things, so I wasn't going to push it, I would let him make the first move.

"God you're so beautiful," he whispered and looked me in the eyes, "and sexy looking when you're wet." he grinned down at me and kissed my forehead. He didn't know the half of it.

"You have no idea how wet I am." I mumbled and lifted my head. I heard him sigh, almost angrily.

Without warning he grabbed the back of my hair, yanking my head back down onto his chest, and he threw his mouth to mine. I could feel the gush between my legs from his forcefulness. I always had a weak spot for aggressive passion.

He kissed me just as forceful, like he had been holding it back for too long, and I completely understood, I felt the same way. He tongue went crazy against mine. If he kept it up I wasn't going to be able to stop myself. I closed my legs, knocking my knees together and squeezed, hoping that my sudden need to be ravagely fucked would subside.

I felt his hand slide down my thigh and rest on my knee cap. He slid his hand in between my knees as he continued to abuse my mouth and slowly slid them apart. I gave little resistance and let him guide my legs further apart. His hand slid down my inner thigh. I gasped into his mouth when he slipped a finger inside of me and began to massage slowly. Instinctively my legs fell to the sides and my hips pushed towards his finger.

He broke away from my mouth and sunk his teeth into my neck as he slipped another finger into me. I bit my lip, trying to silence the screams that so desperately wanted to escape as he slid his fingers in and out. His other hand cupped my breast, making me shudder as he lightly pinched my nipple and began to massage my breast.

"Criss," I whispered breathlessly, trying to get his attention. What was he doing? I thought he said this kind of stuff was off limits? And how in the hell did he know how to drive me wild? He knew exactly what I liked, knew the right amount of pressure to apply and where to apply it to. I felt him smile against my neck as he listened to me whimper with pleasure.

I arched my back and reached behind me, grasping his hard dick in my hand. I was shocked by the thickness and length, and I wouldn't be ashamed to admit that just the feel of his dick in my hand almost made me cum. His cock throbbed against my palm as I stroked him hard, matching the rhythm of his fingers, making him groan and push upwards.

He released my neck, which I'm sure by then had a nice bruise from his sucking, and smashed his mouth back against mine. We moaned into each others mouths as we stroked each other, harder and faster as the tension got thicker. He thrusted his hips upward and groaned with each stroke I made, and in response, his hand squeezed my breast tighter.

My grip tightened around him and I whimpered when his thumb slid across my clit, sending jolts of pleasure down my body. He flicked his thumb lightly back and fourth and I couldn't hold on any longer. I unwillingly pushed his mouth from mine and took a large gulp of air, moaning loudly as I released the air from my lungs.

"Cum for me baby." Criss whispered in my ear and then bit my lobe. That was all I needed, Criss whispering in my ear to cum.

"Oh my god!" I yelled as I felt myself go over the edge. He worked his fingers harder when he noticed my orgasm rippling through me. I stroked him faster making him moan loudly and in turn, making his fingers move faster. The water splashed around and leaked onto the floor as my body convulsed with pure pleasure.

"Criss!" I screamed as my orgasm grew more intense, no thanks to his fingers.

"Oh fuck!" He groaned loudly and his body began to twitch underneath me. His movements became unsteady as he came into my hand. He pushed his hips upward, making his dick go through my hand until my pinkie was at the bottom of his shaft.

"Fuck!" he grunted again between his clenched teeth. I could feel his warmth spray against my back before the water quickly washed it in a different direction. His dick twitched against my palm as the last of his orgasm leaked out.

We came down from our ecstasy at the same time. Criss' body relaxed and grunted one last time before his body became limp. I slumped back down against his chest and took a couple deep breaths. My heart was still pumping fast.

We finally made our way from the tub to the bedroom. Criss wrapped himself around my body and cuddled up close to me, kissing me every chance he got. I giggled and laughed with him as we made out on my bed. It was a strange feeling, almost as if we were two teenage high schoolers who were infatuated with each other. But as much as I didn't want to ruin the moment, there was something I desperately needed to know.

"Criss?" I asked.

"Hmm?" he mumbled as he rubbed the tip of his nose against mine. I sighed heavily and changed my mind about what I was going to say.

"Thank you." I whispered. I looked up at me and smiled.

"No, thank _you._" he grinned. "I needed that, more than you know."

"So," I cleared my throat and blurted out my question before I could back out again, "what was that all about? I mean, I thought that stuff was off the menu?"

Criss looked up at me and grinned. "No, I said _sex_ was off the menu, _you're_ still on it." he laughed and squeezed my butt. I gave him a look that clearly said I wanted a straight answer.

"I think its obvious by now that I have a hard time resisting you." he told me in a serious manner. I pursed my lips and processed his answer.

"Okay, so why not just have sex?" I questioned. He propped himself up with his elbow and stared down at me.

"Are you on birth control?" he asked and raised an eyebrow.

"No."

"And I don't have any condoms. Do you want to get knocked up?" he asked with a hint of humor.

"No." I snapped quickly, a little too quickly.

"Then what we did was the right thing." he leaned down, placed his body over mine and kissed me passionately. "Now lets get some sleep, we have a long day tomorrow and its almost five already."

He laid down on the bed and I cuddled myself up against him, laying my head on his chest. He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me in closer. I listened to his heartbeat and his breathing until he was asleep.

I, on the other hand, had a very difficult time falling asleep. I had too many thoughts running through my head, and most of them weren't nice thoughts.

Why was Criss so adamant on taking things slow? It wasn't like we had all the time in the world, or the rest of our lives for that matter. We had three days left. But for some reason, he was talking like we were going to stay together, even though both of us knew very well that wasn't going to happen.

In all honesty, I was afraid to go to sleep. I was afraid that I would wake up in the morning, only to realize everything had been a dream, or worse, that Criss was going to realize what a mistake he had made.

I sighed to myself and snuggled up tighter against Criss. I concentrated on his breathing, trying to push everything from my mind but his steady breaths. It must have worked, because the next thing I knew, I was waking up with daylight seeping through my window.

Criss still sound asleep next to me. I rolled over to face him, and as I watched him sleep my heart, once again, became troubled. I didn't know how it was possible, but I fell in love with this man. I was beginning to think I was crazy, but it really happened.

Over the past few days I had gotten to know who he really was. The Criss Angel everyone else knew didn't exist, he was only for show, but the man sleeping next to me was real, and I really did love him.

I wished that I knew how he felt, he liked me, there was no question to that, but how did he _really _feel? I felt like an idiot feeling the way I did, knowing that it was more likely impossible that he shared my feelings. No matter how different Criss was from Criss Angel, he was still famous, he still could have any girl he wanted, and I was sure he wasn't going to chose me in the long run.

I desperately needed to talk to Jo. She was always the one I ran to when it came to relationships. She had been in a lot more than I had, and she knew her way around things.

Grabbing my phone, I slowly pulled the covers back and scooted to the door. Once I knew I was clear of waking him up, I crept down to the bathroom, the only room where I knew he couldn't over hear me.

I slipped into the bathroom and closed the door as quietly as I could. My heart skipped a beat when I turned and saw the bathtub. Memories of last night flooded my mind. I closed my eyes tightly, gritted my teeth and clenched the phone into my hand in attempt to shut out the thought of the ridiculous orgasm Criss gave me just the night before.

I flipped the top lid of the toilet seat down and sat while I dialed Jo. She answered after two rings, I never got a chance to call her after Thursday night so I was sure she was eager to hear about my drunken night with Criss.

"Lana! Bout flippin time you called. So did you do him?" well, she certainly got straight to the point.

"No, I didn't _do_ him." I told her. It wasn't a lie, we hadn't had sex, but she didn't need to know about our bathtub expedition, not yet anyways, I didn't want it clouding her judgment. And frankly, I didn't want to think about it and get myself all worked up again.

"Seriously? I thought after Thursday night he definitely would have.. anyways, its not important, whats going on? You're seeing him again, right?" she rambled on.

"Actually, he's upstairs, in my bed." I admitted, making Jo squeal with joy in my ear.

"I knew it! You did sleep with him!"

"No! No sex was involved." again, not a complete lie.

"So what the hell is going on then?" she asked, suddenly sounding frustrated.

"I think I'm gonna break it off with him." I held the phone away from my ear when Jo suddenly screamed.

"What! You are not! You are going to go back up stairs right now and fuck the shit out of that man, then you're going to fly off to Vegas with him and fuck him ten times a day for the rest of your life! Whats wrong with you?" yep, she was definitely upset.

"Jo, you know I cant do that. He has his life, and I have mine. I cant leave and he cant stay."

I knew Jo thought I was right when she didn't say anything back. I heard her sigh into the phone.

"I'm in love with him Jo." I admitted to her. My heart practically ran away from the on coming pain it was about to suffer, just from saying those words.

"Yea," she said with sadness, "I know."

"You have no idea how hard it is to love someone knowing they're gonna break your heart." I whimpered, trying to hold back my tears.

"Lana, oh Lana," Jo sighed. "Hunny, he's in love with _you_." Her words made my breath stop.

"You don't know that, you cant know that. No, no he's not." I told her as I shook my head. How could he be? He hadn't know me for very long. "Please don't say that." The tears finally broke their way to the surface. "He cant be."

"He is. I could tell just from the one night I spent with the two of you. The entire night, he couldn't take his eyes off of you. When you got upset, he held you against him like he was protecting you. And something I over heard him say as I was walking to my car. He's in love with you."

I realized that it was going to be hard for me when Criss finally left. He was going back to his life of being the famous magician everyone knew him to be, and I was going to be left behind. It didn't matter who was falling in love with who, because at the end of the weekend, all bets were off.

"It doesn't make a difference." I sniffled and wiped my eye with the back of my hand.

"Oh sweetie, it makes all the difference in the world." Jo said softly. "And if you ask me, he's not going to let you go." Jos words almost made me feel better, almost. If it wasn't for the fact that I knew Criss didn't have a choice, then I would've believed her.

My bedroom floor squeaked from upstairs, signaling to me that Criss was awake.

"Shit, he's up, Ill call you later."

"I love you, and do what your heart tells you." Jo said before she hung up.

I didn't have time to sit and think about what Jo and I had talked about. I needed to clean myself up before Criss got down stairs.

I grabbed my make up bag and quickly worked on my face, hoping to cover up any clue that I had just been down here crying over him. I had managed to get my foundation and eyeliner on before Criss walked through the bathroom door. It was just enough to conceal my sadness.

"Good morning beautiful." He said to me as he kissed me on the cheek. "Why didn't you wake me? Its almost ten."

"You looked so cute drooling on my pillow." I grinned at him. He pecked me on the lips as he pulled me into his arms.

"I don't drool." He laughed.


	14. To the moon and back

**To the moon and back**

* * *

><p><em>Shes taking her time making up the reasons,<em>

_To justify all the hurt inside,_

_Guess she knows from the smiles and the looks in their eyes,_

_Every ones got a theory bout the bitter one,_

_They're saying, momma never loved her much and,_

_Daddy never keeps in touch,_

_That's why she shies away from human affection._

_Savage Garden – To the moon and back_

* * *

><p>"Okay, so I have to warn you. My brothers are very protective over me. The age gap between us may be an issue for them. I think they'll like you, but they are going to give you a hard time about it, considering you're older than my oldest brother." I warned Criss as I flipped my turn signal on to turn onto my moms street.<p>

"How old is your oldest brother?" Criss asked me.

"32."

"Okay, so I'm 11 years older than your oldest brother. That's not too bad." He laughed. I looked over at him shaking my head. I pulled my truck into my moms drive way and pulled the key out of the ignition.

I took in a deep breath and said a silent prayer that my brothers didn't kill him. "They have no idea that you're with me, let alone that you and I have been spending time together." I told him. "So just hang back on the porch until I get them calm and explain to them okay?" Criss nodded. "Alright, lets do this."

Criss leaned back on the railing of the front porch, I took one last look at him before I walked through my moms front door.

"Mom?" I yelled. "I'm here." Bella, my moms puggle, barked her screechy bark as I tried to calm her down.

"Bella! Get down!" My mom yelled swatting Bella away. "What are you doing here?" She asked me. I didn't come around my moms house very often. I was more of a stay at home person, and my mom and brothers usually came to my house.

"I have someone I want you guys to meet. Is Arthur, Dan, and Drew here?" I asked her.

"Yea, they're all outside playing hackie sack. Who do you want us to meet?" She asked giving me the eye. I laughed to myself, my brothers didn't care how cold or warm it was, hackie sack was their game.

"Mom, this is going to be a bit hard to believe, but," I hesitated, thinking of how to tell her, I decided that blunt was the easiest way about it, "I ran into Criss Angel at that concert Jo and I went to, and we sort of, started, dating." I finished and looked at her, waiting for her to either scream at me, or say yeah right. She scrutinized my face for a moment.

"You talking about that magic guy I see on tv?" She asked me with one eyebrow raised. I nodded. "The guy that is ridiculously famous?" She asked with humor. I nodded again. "Arthur! Get in here! Your sister has lost her mind and I think we need to call a doctor." She yelled towards the back door. The sad thing was, she was serious, she really thought I had lost my mind.

"Whats up?" Arthur asked as he bounced through the back door, Dan and Drew following right behind him.

Arthur was my oldest brother, he wasn't very tall but he was muscular, the type of guy that when you saw him, you knew not to mess with him. He had a 'don't screw with me' attitude, which I think had mostly to do with why no one wanted to trade words with him.

All my brothers had blue eyes and light brown hair, it was kind of the family trait. Arthur was my protector more than any of them. He had a very protective temper and was always quick to jump the gun when someone messed with me. He was always the one asking where the person was he needed to kill, Dan and Drew always standing behind him, ready for back up. He loved his family more than anything and he would protect his family no matter what. The only person I had ever seen him back down to was his sons mother, and that was a whole other story unto itself.

Dan was my second oldest brother, only a year younger than Arthur, a little bit shorter with a receding hair line. Dan was the chunky brother, he wasn't big, but had a gut that was getting bigger every year. He was the brother that no one wanted to argue with. His sense of humor was great, but he had no problem telling people off, of course, using sarcasm every time. He was funny to watch when he did.

I one time watched him answer the phone, it was a telemarketer asking for my dad, Dan said he would go get him, set the phone down, and sat back on the couch. Ten minutes later, he grabbed the phone again, said he was in the shower, he would go get him, and set the phone back down. The telemarketer sat on the phone for a good half hour before hanging up. Dan was my humor brother. There was never a dull moment with Dan around.

Then there was Drew. The youngest of my brothers. He was two and a half years older than me. Him and I weren't very close. We loved each other unconditionally, but Drew being the closest in age to me, was the one I always got into fist fights with as a kid. Arthur and Dan always had to break them up.

Drew was the athletic one. He got into basketball and football in middle school, by his senior year, he was the star quarterback. He would've taken it all the way to college, but he was tired of sports, didn't even play basketball his senior year. So it was needless to say that when him and I got into our fights, they were pretty bad.

Drew was the tallest of all three, but the skinniest as well. His hair was a little more blond than Arthurs and Dans. And he was usually the quiet one of us four. Drew and I hardly ever talked or hung out, usually the only time I ever saw him was at family get togethers. But he had a protective side to him also.

Years back, I had an ex boyfriend who started stalking me after we split up. I remember Drew telling me that if he caught him on our property he was going to kill him. He was series. When I told him I didn't want him to go to jail over something so stupid he looked at me and said 'oh don't worry, Ill make sure the cops see him with a weapon, Ill claim self defense'. It was something I expected to hear Arthur say, but not Drew. But that was my brothers for you. Always looking out for their little sister.

"Your sister has lost her mind, she thinks shes dating Criss Angel." My mom told them.

My mom was a beautiful woman. I loved my mom more than anyone on the planet. We had a lot of fights when I was in high school. She even kicked me out seven different times. I went to live with my dad a few of those times, but I always came back. Ever since I moved out and got my own place, my mom and I have become best friends.

It was still hard to admit how much we looked a like. Of course, her being in her 50's I looked like a younger version of her. Our hair was exactly the same. Sometimes I cursed her for giving me her hair. Dark brown, thicker than anything, curly, with a mind of its own. People told us all the time that we could pass as sisters, and we could have.

She looked very young for being in her 50's. She was an inch or two taller than me, and about 100 pounds heavier but our faces were identical, same hair, same blue eyes. In fact, a lot of people said all five of us looked the same. Which kind of creeped me out in high school, having girls tell me they thought Drew was so hott, and then five minutes later have them tell me how much Drew and I looked a like. I laughed to myself thinking about that.

My brothers and my mom stood there staring at me with doubt on their faces.

"I'm serious guys. He's out on the porch."

"And when did this happen?" Arthur crossed his arms, obviously teasing me.

"Four days ago." I said quietly. They looked at me in disbelief.

"Go look if you don't believe me." Arthur started towards the front door. "Hold on," I said suddenly stopping Arthur in his tracks, "before you guys freak out, I know you don't know much about him, but hes a lot older than me." I told them.

"How much older?" Dan asked with a disapproving look.

"Forty three." I said quietly.

"What!" Arthur yelled.

"Look, age doesn't matter to me, he's a really good guy. And besides, I would rather have an older, more mature man, than all the immature assholes around my age." I said in Criss' defense.

"Lana, hes older than _me_." Arthur pointed out.

"I know, I know, but you've got to give him a chance. And please, please, pleeease, don't be mean, don't scare him away and don't threaten him. He means a lot to me." I pleaded with them.

"You're our little sister. Its our job." Arthur winked at me as he flung open the front door.

"Mom!" I yelled as I turned to face her. She was standing with her arms crossed and a grin on her face.

"Don't look at me, I might enjoy this." She laughed. Then all of them jogged to the door and flew out onto the front porch.

This isn't going to be good, I thought to myself as I followed behind them.

"So, tell me, what does an old man like you want with my little sister?" I heard Arthur yell as he marched up to Criss. Criss took a step back. I watched as his eyes grew wide with shock and his hands flew up in defense. "That's my little sister!" He snapped and pointed back to me.

"Arthur!" I yelled.

"Nah, Lana, I wanna know if he can handle having three brother in laws who will whoop his ass." He shouted to me, "think you can handle my little sister and her brothers? You gonna take care of her?" He sneered at Criss and stopped to stand in front of him. He had his crazy face on, and I wouldn't blame Criss if he ran away at that moment, but instead he stood his ground.

"I, Um, er, I, uh." Criss stuttered looking for the right thing to say.

"Whoa! Who said anything about in laws?" I shouted.

Arthur looked back at me and rolled his eyes, he knew better. He knew that I wasn't one to get into a relationship without thinking long term.

"Look, I have no intentions of hurting her. She means a lot to me." Criss said with a shaky voice. Was he really intimidated by them? Or was he just acting that way for my benefit? Maybe a little bit of both? Arthur could be a very intimidating guy.

"Oh, we'll see about that!" Arthur snapped.

"Want me to get the shotgun?" Dan asked Arthur. Both of their faces brightened as they watched Criss' reaction, Criss was practically shitting himself. Yep, he was definitely intimidated by them. It was kind of cute to watch Criss shaking in his boots, but I felt bad for him. I smacked my head to my forehead and looked to the did they have to do this?

"Not yet, I wanna see what he has to say for himself." Arthur said. Criss relaxed slightly but still kept his guard up.

"I really like your sister." Criss tried to plead with them. I smacked my hand on my forehead again, wrong thing to say Criss; Never bring up the fact that I'm their sister.

"How do you know that? You've only just met her." Drew asked stepping up next to Arthur and crossed his arms.

"All you need to know, is that guns, and the Lovegrove attitude are a bad combination. Don't think for one second we wont hunt your ass down." Arthur threatened him. Criss took another step back.

I looked back at my mom who was holding her hand in front of her face, obviously holding back a laugh.

"Its too early for this shit." I muttered to myself. Criss leaned slightly over to look at me. I gave him an apologetic look as I shook my head.

"Don't look at her! Look at me! I want an answer, you gonna hurt my sister?" Arthur yelled.

Criss shook his head heavily. "I have no intentions of hurting your sister, honest to god." I threw my hands over my face attempting to wipe away my embarrassment.

"Good, cause if you hurt her, I swear, I will bring the wrath of god down on you." Arthur said sternly.

"I would never hurt Lana, I love her!" Criss blurted.

Everyones jaws hit the ground. I snapped my head over towards Criss, my eyes wide with shock. His eyes connected with mine and I could tell he didn't mean to say that out loud. I was pretty sure he knew better than to admit something like that to three older brothers who were, at the moment, threatening to kill him.

"Whoa, dude. Did you just say what I think you said?" Dan asked.

Criss stood there for a moment with his jaw open. "I.. think I did." he said quietly.

"I think now would be a good time to get the shotgun." Arthur said to Dan while he kept his death stare on Criss. Criss tensed back up and backed away, unable to get too far before he backed into the porch railing.

I felt my moms hand lightly rest on my shoulder and all three of my brothers turned their heads to me. I couldn't say anything. I couldn't take my eyes off Criss. Criss' eyes didn't leave mine as all of us stood there silently.

"Awkward." I heard Drew say.

"I think shes in shock." Dan pointed out. I flipped Dan off without taking my eyes from Criss.

"Shes fine." Dan laughed.

"Well, I think I'm going to get the grill started." My mom said as she cleared her throat and walked towards the back of the house.

"You and I are going to have a talk," Arthur told Criss. He looked back at me and then back to Criss, "alone." Criss looked back at me.

'I'm sorry' I mouthed to him as Arthur lead him into the house.

"Wow Lana, looks like you did yourself in this time." Drew laughed shaking his head and walked back to join my mom.

"I don't think he'll physically hurt him, not yet anyway." Dan told me. He threw his arm over my shoulder. "Come on, lets go eat." He ushered me to the back of the house. I took one last glance at the front door as Dan dragged me away.

"So, do you like him?" Dan asked me as we sat down on the patio chairs. I stared blankly at the ground as I thought of how to word my answer carefully. I took a deep breath.

"Yes." was all I could say.

"Do you love him?" He asked me in a low voice.

"Yes." I admitted. I picked at my fingers waiting for Dan to unhinged.

"Well, apparently he loves you." He sighed. I looked up at him confused. Where was the screaming? The lecturing? The anger? I glanced over at my mom and Drew to make sure they weren't catching our conversation. They were both fighting with the grill to get the charcoal burning.

"Lana, look. I've got seven years on you. And I'm going to tell you, true love, is extremely rare. Yea, you might find someone you love, but after years of being with them, neither of you are the same person anymore, and you grow apart, eventually you break up.

"But every once in a while, you find that one person that you truly love. That one person, who through 50 years of being together, you still love each other unconditionally and still look at each other with the same eyes that you did in the beginning, with the same passion that you had 50 years ago. And my advice to you, because I love you, if you find that, don't let it go."

"But who's to say Criss and I have that?" I asked softly.

Dan chuckled. "Lana, take it from a man himself. Men don't openly admit, that in four days, they love someone. There are two reasons men would say that, one, to get into your pants, and two, he really does love you. And seeming how he said it right in front of your three older brothers and your mom, I'm going to say reason number one doesn't apply."

"But its only been four days." I mumbled.

Dan shrugged. "Sometimes that's all it takes. Sometimes less."

"But things are so complicated." I told him.

"Well, everything is. But if its meant to be, then everything will work out. Just don't give up. For something that good, you should always fight for it." He said.

I looked behind me to my mom and Drew, who were both still fighting with the grill.

"Do you think mom and James would've been that rare couple? If I hadn't.." I stopped myself before I could finish. Dan took a long deep breath and smiled slightly.

"I do. And Lana, we all know that wasn't your fault." He leaned forward and placed his hand on my knee.

I cleared my throat, wrapped my coat tightly around myself and shivered.

"Think its ever going to make up its mind? Either snow or warm up already." I said looking up at the sky.

"Its Michigan, it'll never make up its mind. Hell, tomorrow it could be 70 degrees, ya never know." He smiled at me.

"Yea, ya never know." I agreed and smiled back. I could have smacked myself for that. I knew better than to bring up James. Every time he was brought up, I felt my many years of battling my depression go down the drain. I could feel the acid trying to make its way up my throat and the guilt make its way into the pit of my stomach.

"Whats not Lanas fault?" I heard my mom ask as she placed her hands onto the back of my chair.

"Nothing Mom, forget it." Dan quickly said.

"James?" She asked in a vulgar tone. Just then the sliding glass doors slid shut and Arthur and Criss came walking up. Arthur looked to me and then my mom, instantly recognizing what was about to happen.

"Mom, drop it." Arthur told her. "This is supposed to be a good family day, right?" Mom exhaled heavily, pushed off from my chair and walked back to the grill. Criss looked puzzled. I shook my head at him and looked back at Dan.

"I'm so stupid." I whispered.

"Sometimes you can be! What the hell were you thinking that night anyway? Huh?" I heard my mom yell, her voice coming closer. I quickly jumped out of my seat and turned, only to see my moms angry face coming towards me at a fast pace. Her face was red and looked like she was on the verge of killing me.

It all happened simultaneously. Drew ran up behind her, grabbing her arm, Arthur leaped over a lawn chair and caught her other arm, and Dan jumped up so quickly that his chair fell backwards. Dan was dashed in front of me, arms out in protection mode.

"Mom, calm down. Lets get your medication, okay?" Drew tried to reason with her.

"No! I'm not crazy! Its her fault! Its your fault he's dead!" She screamed at me.

My throat locked up and I started having trouble breathing. I could hear the sobs in my chest and feel the tears stream down my cheeks. My knees started feeling week and felt as if they were going to buckle any second.

"I'm so sorry Mom." I wailed.

"You should be!" She screamed as she broke into tears.

I threw my hands over my face. I felt Criss come up behind me and place his hands on my hips. I suddenly felt my sob start to slow. He slowly pulled me into his body and wrapped his arms tightly around my waist. Dan turned to face Criss.

"You got her?" he asked. Criss nodded.

"Come on mom, lets get your medicine." Drew said as all three of them pulled her towards the front door. I listened as her cries faded.

"Lana?" Criss whispered. I tried to gather myself before I could face him. But I couldn't. I started to cry harder and my knees finally gave way. Criss sank with me as I hit the ground and cried. He didn't say anything, he just sat with me, on the cold ground and held me until I could breath again.

We sat outside for a long time, with Criss just holding me. I had managed to stop crying, and it wasn't long before my brothers were back outside cooking the food. The looks they kept giving me out of the corner of their eyes were obvious, they knew I was still on the verge of a breakdown, and they were making sure I was okay.

Finally, mom had come back outside. She stood beside me for a moment before she wrapped her arms around my shoulders and pulled me to her.

"I'm so sorry Lana. You know how I can get when I don't take my meds. I didn't mean it hunny, you know that right?" Mom asked me as she looked down at me.

"I know mom, its okay, lets just have a nice dinner okay?" I said, trying to make light of the situation, even though I was really dying inside. My mood seemed to lighten a tiny bit as the day went on. My brothers always seemed to have a way of cheering me up, and by the end of the dinner, I was actually laughing and joking along with them, but that ache that was now in my stomach never fully went away.

"You ready to go?" Criss asked me after what seemed to be the longest family dinner of my life was over. I kept on the fake smile as we said our goodbyes and walked to my truck. Criss knew full well I was in no condition to drive, so without a word, he fished my keys from my pocket, helped me into the passenger side, and slid into the drivers side. He didn't say a word as he started the truck and backed out of the driveway.

We were both silent the entire ride back to my house. Even when he put the truck into park, it took a few minutes before either of us spoke.

"Im sorry you had to witness that." I mumbled and hid my face in my coat sleeve, too embarrassed to face Criss. After my moms breakdown, and then my own, I wasn't sure how Criss felt, but I was certain that if anything, it scared him away. After today, I was probably never going to see him again.

"Lana." Criss whispered and pried my arm away from my face, then turning me to face him. "Everyone has problems, nobody's perfect."

"Yea, well, not everyone has a mother who requires medication to keep her from killing her own daughter. And I wouldn't blame you if you didn't want to see me anymore." I said and looked out the passenger window, waiting for my suspicions to be confirmed.

Criss chuckled, making me turn to face him. "Lana, nothing could stop me from seeing you." he leaned over a lightly kissed me. "Do you hear me? Nothing."

He kissed me harder and longer this time, leaving me breathless and almost making me forget about the ciaos that happened only hours earlier.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" he asked softly.

"I was stupid, said something I shouldn't have." I leaned my head back against the seat. "I said something about my step dad." I sighed. I rolled my head to the side to look at Criss, he was staring at me, waiting for me to explain further. I sighed heavily and rolled my head back to look at the ceiling of the truck.

"I was a stupid teenager. Constantly getting into trouble. Jo and I were best friends, and needless to say, when we were together we always got into trouble. My mom finally had enough when I got suspended from school for getting into a fist fight. She grounded me to my room for the remainder of the school year, and the summer. Of course I was stupid and didn't want to follow the rules." I took a deep breath.

"Jo called me one night and said there was a party going on at one of our friends. I knew my mom would say no, so I snuck out and Jo picked me up. It was a crazy party, I got super smashed, smoked some joints, by the end of the night I was blacked out. I woke up to Jo screaming at me and pulling me out of a bed, it was like 2 o'clock in the morning. I was butt ass naked with some guy I didn't even know. I started freaking out. I didn't know what to do."

"My step dad was usually the one I could run to when things got bad, so I called him. He said he would come and get me and we would talk about things in the morning. Course my mom had no idea he was coming to pick me up. When he got there he didn't yell and scream like my mom would have. Which is one reason why James and I got along so well, he didn't handle things like the rest of my family." I closed my eyes. I didn't want to relive it, but Criss needed to know.

"We were almost home. I was half asleep when the sounds of horns woke me up. All I saw was headlights coming towards us. The next thing I knew, I was waking up in a hospital bed, hooked up to all sorts of tubes. My mom and brothers were all there, even my dad was there.

"They all looked horrible, like they hadn't gotten any sleep for a week. They finally told me that James had been killed in a car accident by a drunk driver. By one of the kids that was at the party. The only reason I had lived was because I was asleep and didn't have time to react. I had been in a coma for two weeks and James was dead." I stopped for a moment to gather myself, I didn't want to break down again.

"After that, I went into a huge depression, locked myself in my room, dropped out of school, wouldn't talk to anyone, I dropped down to 85 pounds. They were threatening to hospitalize me if I didn't go to therapy. I finally started going after a week in a mental insinuation, they put me in there after I tried to.." I gulped, this was going to be extremely hard to say,

"Tried to kill myself." I finished. Criss sucked in air and he clenched his eyes shut.

"Therapy was a lot better than that nut house. It took three years before I could even look myself in the mirror. My mom blamed me for James death, and she was right to. If I hadn't been so stupid, it would have never happened. She got on medication, and it works, but if she forgets one dose," I imitated an explosion. I felt a tear fall down my cheek. Criss leaned over and wiped the tear with his thumb. He pulled me face towards his and looked into my eyes.

"Oh my god Lana," he hesitated, "I don't even know what to say. I am so sorry you had to go through that. But it wasn't your fault. There was no way you could have known that was going to happen. And you were a teenager, everyone makes stupid decisions when they're teenagers." He whispered. I sniffled and wiped my eyes with my sleeve and gave him a smile.

"I know. It just hurts when these things happen, I hate having to relive that whole thing. And when my mom has her episodes," I closed my eyes and looked out the window, "it kills me." I whispered. He didn't say anything and kept his eyes on mine.

"Trust me Criss. I spent a lot of years in therapy. I know now that it wasn't my fault, but I do miss him." Criss pulled me into a tight hug.

"I'm here for you Lana, no matter what happens, I will always be here for you." He said and kissed the top of my head. "Losing someone you love is the hardest thing anyone will ever know."

"I know. And life goes on, with or without us."

"I love you Lana." He whispered to me.

"I love you too Criss." I whispered back. I felt his arms tighten around me. We sat in the truck in silence, the only sound was our hearts beating. And as we held each other I suddenly knew what Dan was talking about.


	15. Duck and run

**Duck and run**

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><p><em>And I won't duck and run,<em>

_Cause I'm not built that way,_

_When everything is gone_

_There is nothing there to fear,_

_This world cannot bring me down_

_No cause I'm already here, oh no!_

_I am already here,_

_Down on my knees_

_I am already here, on no, I am already here_

_I must have told you a thousand times,_

_I'm not running away._

_Three doors down – Duck and Run_

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><p>After we spent a while in the truck we headed back into my house. I was so tired from all the crying that I needed to lay down. I fall down onto the couch and Criss wiggled his way between me and the couch. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tight.<p>

"Are you okay?" He asked me as he ran his hand down my cheek and gazed into my eyes.

I nodded my head lightly and snuggled my face into his chest. He tightened his grip on me and rested his chin on the top of my head. We laid on the couch for a little while, neither of us sure what else to say.

As I laid there wrapped in between Criss' arms, I could feel myself calming down, and eventually started to forget about everything that had just happened. I was so happy when I was with him. It was funny how a guys mere presence could make me forget about all my problems. I never thought it would happen to me. Never thought I would find a guy who could make me truly happy. But it was happening.

"Lets get out of here." I finally mumbled into his shirt. I lifted my head to look at him. He looked back at me and scrutinized my face.

"Are you sure?" He asked.

"Positive. I don't want to spend the whole day moping around. Besides, I haven't met your brothers yet, and we have a party to get ready for." I told him.

"If you consider this mopping, then I could mope around all day." He grinned at me and gestured to how close our bodies were. I rolled my eyes at him and he leaned down to kiss me.

"Okay." He sighed, obviously not wanting to leave the couch.

"Let me get a bag around so I have my stuff to get ready for tonight." I told him. He nodded and pulled his arm back from my waist.

"Don't take too long, I might miss you." He smiled as he lightly kissed my cheek.

"Promise." I smiled back.

I rolled off the couch and headed to my bedroom. I grabbed my red and black dress and a pair of black high heels from the closet and shoved them into a back bag. As I turned to go downstairs I debated on whether or not I should grab some pajamas and an outfit for tomorrow. I was more than likely going to wind up trashed and back at Criss' hotel.

"Why not." I mumbled to myself and turned back to my dresser.

I pulled out a pair of pajamas, a pair of jeans, some clean undies and a t shirt. Shoving them in my bag I quickly headed to the bathroom. I rummaged through my jewelry box and pulled out my favorite earrings and necklace, grabbed my make up bag and headed back to the living room. Criss was still laying on the couch. He looked up at me.

"Ready." I told him. He didn't say anything. He patted the couch and grinned. I smiled widely as I dropped my bag on the floor and laid back down next to him.

"What?" I asked him.

"No need to rush, we have all day, and I don't think Uncle Ted will mind if we're a little late." He stared into my eyes and grew silent. His hand brushed across my cheek.

"You're so beautiful." He told me in a soft voice.

"And you're so hott." I grinned. He laughed loudly.

"Wow," he said still laughing. "and you're so damn cute." He propped himself up onto his elbow and leaned over to give me a deep kiss. Finally he pulled away.

"Alright, lets go." He said. Both of us hesitated. Neither of us wanting to leave this moment behind. I sighed heavily and stood up. He reached up and took my hand, trying to pull me back down to him.

"Criss, we've gotta go." I pleaded with him. He grunted loudly and heaved himself off the couch.

"Alright." He groaned in defeat.

* * *

><p>I took a deep breath as I put my truck in park in front of Criss' hotel.<p>

"Here we go." I laughed as we got out and headed to his room.

"Any warnings you want to give me before we go in?" I asked him. He shook his head.

"My brothers are pretty straight forward, no beating around the bush, and I promise, they wont threaten to shoot you." He laughed.

I kept having to gulp down the feeling that so badly wanted to resurface. Every since the incident with my mom, I felt like a little black cloud was hanging over my head, threatening to down pour at any moment. But for the sake of trying to make one family meeting go right, I kept my enthusiasm.

We trotted into the hotel, making our way to his room. He slipped the card into the door, glanced over at me and turned the door knob.

"Criss?" I heard someone yell.

"Yea, its me." Criss answered.

I hesitated at the door as I watched a tall muscular man step in front of the door. His hair was pitch black and hung down to his shoulders. He wore a black cut off and a pair of dark jeans. He didn't look _too_ scary.

"Lana, don't be afraid. Come in." Criss laughed. I slowly followed behind Criss, keeping my gaze to the floor.

"Lana, this is my brother JD. JD this is Lana." Criss introduced us. JD studied me for a second. I could already see the disgust in his eyes. Great, another family feud.

"So this is her huh?" He glared at me. I looked over at Criss, who was giving JD the evil eye. What was with the attitude? I hadn't caused any trouble. The only person Id been with for four days was Criss, what could I have possibly done?

"Its nice to finally meet you." JD said to me as he put on a fake smile, after Criss had given him a dirty look. He held out his hand and I hesitantly placed my hand in his.

"You too." I said slowly. Criss wrapped his arm around my shoulder and kissed my cheek.

"Lana, its okay, he doesn't bite." Criss chuckled.

"Criss, its no wonder this girl is causing you such a ruckus, look at her. I mean, wow, Moms going to be impressed." JD grinned at me. I noticed a hint of sarcasm in his voice when he mentioned their mom.

"JD!" Criss gave him a unspoken warning.

"What?" JD yelled back. "Come on, you expected me to treat her like a princess? Criss you barely know this girl. And you know damn well Mom isn't going to be happy about _that_."

"JD, stop it!" Criss yelled again. I could see the tension was starting to rise. I was surprised when I found myself getting defensive, I didn't like seeing Criss upset. And I sure as hell wasn't going to stand there and take it.

"Well, you don't know anything about her, neither do I, no one does, and you expect us just to accept this?" JD spat and shot his eyes to me.

"Actually, Criss and I have spent a lot of time together recently, and within that time, we have gotten to know each other very well. And JD don't worry, I'm not crazy, and I have nothing to hide. Anything you want to know about me, all you have to do is ask." I said in a firm voice, interrupting the argument. I felt like I needed to intervene, considering they were arguing about _me_.

Criss shrugged his eyebrows at JD and gave him a smug smile, as if to say 'take that'. That seemed to end that conversation.

"So, are we all ready for the party tonight?" I heard from the kitchen. Criss looked at JD and then to me before he took my hand in his and dragged me towards the kitchen. I could hear JD following behind us.

"Lana, this is my other brother, Costa." Criss told me. He leaned down to my ear. "The nice one." He whispered low enough so JD didn't hear. I let out a snicker.

"Hi sweetie, nice to meet you!" He said with excitement as he walked past Criss to give me a huge.

"Costa, what the hell?" Criss asked with a puzzled expression.

"Oh come on Criss, its not every day that I get to meet the girl of my brothers dreams." He grinned at him sheepishly

"Costa, you're embarrassing me." Criss told him with a crooked smile.

"Nice to meet you too Costa." I smiled at him. He turned to Criss.

"So, what time does the party start?" he asked him.

"8, we still got a couple hours, how about I start some dinner so we can all drink on full stomachs?" Criss asked.

"Perfect." Costa said and rubbed his hands together.

"Hey Criss, I have to call Jo and Marie." I told him. I didn't know how much more of JDs glaring I could take. I looked back to JD who was leaning against the door frame to the kitchen, barely in the line of sight.

"Go ahead, you can use the bedroom if you want privacy, we'll all get dinner started." He told me and practically shooed me away. I watched him for a second as him and Costa turned into giddy teenagers while they prepared dinner. I loved the sight of Criss with his family. It added a missing part to the man that I fell in love with.

As I made my way out of the kitchen I was suddenly halted by a firm grip on my arm. I turned to see JDs fingers wrapped around my forearm. He tugged on my arm, pulling me back into the hallway, out of Criss' vision.

"Don't think for one second you have me fooled. I know your type." He spat at me.

"Excuse me?" I asked confused and taken aback by his sudden hostility.

"I know what you're doing, and it aint going to work. I'm telling you right now, I wont let it happen." He threatened and pointed a finger at me.

"Look, I don't know what you think you know, but I can tell you, you've got it all wrong." I snapped, now feeling the anger in me rise.

"Is that right? Ya know, before you came along, if Criss knew Costa and I were meeting him somewhere, not for one second would he blow us off for _some girl_ so he could take her out for a night on the town." He spat as his eyes looked me up and down with disgust. "You've got him wrapped around your pinkie and you think you're going to take him away from us, you're wrong. I don't know what you did to him, but I'm personally going to see to it that your little plan fails."

"Oh, I see, jealous of the new girlfriend huh? Let me tell you something, _big brother_, I'm in love with Criss, and Criss is in love with me. I'm not trying to take him away from anybody. But Ill be damned if I'm going to let his family push me away. Its Criss' life and Criss' decisions to make. If you make him choose, then you're the one in the wrong. And if Criss chooses me, you'll have no one to blame but yourself, but if he chooses his family, than who am I to get in the way? Don't think for one second you know me, cause you said it yourself, you know nothing about me. But Ill tell you one thing, I would never make him choose."

JD huffed. "Touche. Then I guess Ill just have to get to know you then huh? That way when you guys break up, Ill know there was a reason, no way would Criss fall 'in love' with someone that quickly. You're manipulating him. No one falls in love after four days, they fall in lust."

"See for yourself, trying keeping your eyes open and your mouth shut and you might just see whats really there." I snapped. I could still see the anger in his eyes. He let go of my arm and glared at me. I glared back for a moment then turned to head to the bedroom.

I closed the bedroom door behind me and took a deep breath. I sat down on the bed, pulled out my phone and dialed Jo. She picked up on the first ring.

"So, whats going on? When we leaving?" She asked with excitement.

I sighed. "Things havent been going so great today. I just met his brothers."

"Oh no, they don't like you?" She asked, guessing by the tone of my voice.

"One of them does, the other one thinks I'm in some ploy to take Criss away from his family." I sighed. "Ill tell you about it when we get some alone time."

"Okay." She said quietly.

"We're at the Hampton Inn. What time you gonna be here?" I asked her.

"What time does the party start?"

"8."

"Then Ill be there round 7:30." She told me.

"Okay, hey, can you swing by and pick up Marie?"

"No problem."

"Okay, text me when you get here and Ill give you the room number." I told her.

"Okay, will do. Bye."

"Bye." I told her. I ended the call and laid back on the bed. I wasn't too sure I wanted to go back out there. I knew it was going to go one of two ways. One, JD would glare at me the whole time, making me feel awkward and unwelcome. Or two, JD was going to give me the third degree and play a round of 500 questions. Either way, it was going to be a long night.


	16. Won't back down

**Wont back down**

* * *

><p><em>Well I, won't back down,<em>

_No I, won't back down,_

_You can stand me up at the gates of hell,_

_But I won't, back down,_

_No, I'll stand my ground,_

_Won't be turned around,_

_And Ill keep this world from dragging me down,_

_Gonna, stand my ground,_

_And I, won't back down._

_Tom petty and the heartbreakers – Wont back down_

* * *

><p>After finally gathering up the courage to go back into the war zone, I pulled myself off the bed and crept back to the kitchen. I slid into a seat at the table, hoping they wouldn't notice me.<p>

"So they still coming?" Criss asked me as he bent over to pull something out of the oven.

"Yea, said they'd be here round 7:30." I told him.

"Well, dinner is served." He said and placed a plate in front of me.

"Pizza?" I questioned him with a raised eyebrow.

"My favorite." He smiled and winked at me. The three of them each took a seat at the table and started to eat. I wasn't really that hungry but I ate it anyways.

"So, Lana," JD began in an eager tone. "ever been arrested?"

"Nope, almost, but never in handcuffs." I took a bite of my pizza and glanced around the table. Costa and JD looked surprised, JD, of course, just looked pissed. I wondered if that was his normal face.

"Explain." Criss demanded. I took a deep breath. Here goes nothing.

"Well, as you know," I looked at Criss, "I told you I wasn't very well behaved as a teen. There were three times. First one," I held my hand up and pushed down one finger, "I was driving past my curfew and got pulled over, they didn't really do anything cept tell us to go home and have my friends mom call them when we got home. They did pull us out of the car and search us though." I could see a smile tugging at Criss' mouth when he realized it was nothing serious.

I pushed down a second finger. "Second time was more someone elses fault than mine. I was supposed to be spending the night with a friend at her grandparents, I didn't know that the grandparent wasn't home, we wound up going to some guys house I didn't know. The guys there were creeping us out so we left, at 2 o'clock in the morning and no where to go. We walked around town for a while until a cop saw us. Took us to the station, never put us in handcuffs, but made our parents come and get us. God my mom was so pissed." I explained.

"And third?" Criss asked.

"Third was my fault, but it was stupid. I got into an argument with a cop over a speed limit sign." Criss busted up laughing.

"So you almost got arrested, for arguing with a cop?" He was still laughing.

"Yea, I had him pretty pissed. I have a tendency to not back down when I know I'm right." I glanced quickly at JD and then looked back to Criss. "My friend Jessie kept screaming at me to shut up, she thought he was really going to arrest me." I laughed along with him.

"Oh Lana, only you." Criss laughed louder.

"Okay, okay, so no criminal history. You do drugs?" JD interrupted, clearly not amused. I looked over at him.

"Never. I use to smoke pot in high school, but haven't touched it in 8 years. I'm not an alcoholic either, I do like to drink, but its only once in a while, in case that was your next question."

Costa chuckled quietly, if I didn't know any better, I would've thought he was enjoying this. Criss and Costa had to be aware of what JD was doing, and I, for some reason, was glad they let it continue. I was determined to prove JD wrong, and I think Criss knew that.

"Drugs are a waste of time, and money, and they're pointless if you ask me. I don't understand how anyone could live their lives being stoned all the time. I want to enjoy my life without being high. And personally, drugs make me sick to my stomach. Literally, I was on vicodin for tooth pain and I threw up every time I had to take one. I don't like them, and I wont touch them." I explained further. JD sat for a moment thinking of something else to ask. I wrested my chin in my hands and stared at him, waiting.

"Ever been married?" He asked me.

"No."

"Any kids?"

"Nope." I popped the p.

"Any pregnancy scares?"

"JD!" Criss dropped his pizza onto his plate and glared over at him.

"Criss its fine. I told him to ask me anything." I said to Criss. "Once, back in high school. It was stupid. My boyfriend at the time used protection, but I was two weeks late once and I was scared out of my mind."

"Ever had unprotected sex?" JD asked, raising an eyebrow as if he was defeating me.

"JD." Criss hissed through his teeth.

"No, I've always been very careful about that, lots of dirty people out there. Besides, you don't do that unless you want to have mini yous running around. And as of right now, I don't." I answered, ignoring Criss' objections.

"So you want kids in the future?" JD grinned at me. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Criss hang his head and place his hand on his forehead.

I shrugged. "Never really thought about it. But maybe, in the far future. If you find the person you want to be with for the rest of your life, and you're both ready for kids, then why not." I looked over at Criss who was now avoiding my eyes. I glanced around the table. All of them had strange looks on their faces.

"What?" I asked puzzled. "What are those looks for?"

"Criss doesn't want kids." JD quickly answered still grinning.

I snapped my head towards Criss. He picked up his plate and headed to the sink. That surprised me. I never really thought about having kids, I was only 25, the thought never really crossed my mind. But hearing that a 43 year old man didn't want kids was strange. Why wouldn't he?

I knew JD only brought that up because it would cause differences between Criss and I. I wasn't going to give him that satisfaction. It wasn't something that immediately concerned me. I mean for petes sake, we had only been together four days.

"Well, that's not really something we have to worry about right now, I mean, no one knows what the future holds." I said, trying to take the pressure off from Criss. JDs grinned suddenly disappeared.

JD grimaced as he stared at me. I flashed him a quick grin before I pushed off the table. I could feel my frustration starting to rise and I wanted to leave before I lost my cool.

"Sorry guys, but I have to start getting ready." I told them. I didn't wait for any responses before I headed to the bedroom with my bag. It wasn't a complete lie, I really did need to get ready.

* * *

><p><strong>CPOV<strong>

"What the hell JD?" I yelled and smacked my brother on the forearm.

"What?" He asked innocently, "I'm just getting the base reading for you."

"Thanks, but I'm a big boy, I think I can handle it on my own. You were way out of line Bro." I told him as I sat down at the table next to him and hung my head. I knew when Lana stormed off she was pissed. JD found a nerve and purposely went after it.

"I'm going to have to side with Criss on this one." Costa spoke up.

I was wondering when Costa would say something. He sat there silent through the whole thing. Costa wasn't usually one to be such a blunt jerk to people. We usually left that to JD. Costa had more of a 'cant we all get along' attitude. He usually had no problem getting along with anyone, but he wasn't afraid to speak his mind, he just preferred to handle things with less confrontation. He looked out for me just as much as JD did, but Costa usually took a different route, one that didn't involve interrogating my girlfriend and asking her such horrific questions.

"Why would you ask her that kind of stuff anyways?" Costa asked JD.

"Look, I didn't mean any harm, I'm just looking out for you Criss. You obviously aren't thinking clearly, and you cant see that you don't know this girl. She could have one of the biggest secrets and you wouldn't even know. What if you found out she already had a kid? Or that she was married. Or better yet, what if she was purposely stringing you along to get your money?" JD defended.

I chuckled. "JD, I may not know everything about this girl, but how many people are together with someone for 50 years, and still not know every little detail of that persons life? I know enough about her to know shes a good person. She would have told me if she was married, or had a kid. And I'm pretty sure shes not out for my money."

"But how do you know that Criss?" JD sighed and leaned forward to talk quieter.

"I just do, okay." I didn't want to mention the very private things Lana had told me recently, like all her family problems, the death of her step dad. JD didn't really need to know any of that, and I really didn't want him to know. Those were between Lana and I. She trusted me enough to tell me, and I got the feeling that those weren't things she told a lot of people. The last thing I wanted to do was break Lanas trust.

"Now could you do me a favor and leave her alone? I swear to you JD if you push her away from me, I will never forgive you." I threatened him. JD held his hands in the air.

"Alright." He said.

"I mean it JD! No background checks, no family history reports, nothing! Leave it alone." I demanded him.

"I promise Criss. Ill leave it alone. Ill try to play nice. She seems like a nice girl, but then again most of them do." JD shrugged, he was hinting towards something else, and I knew exactly what it was.

"She is a nice girl!" I snapped at him. "Did you not hear a word she said? She doesn't sleep around, shes not an alcoholic or a drug addict, she has a good head on her shoulders and she has nothing to hide. Why are you being like this?"

JD took a deep breath. "Because Criss, the last girl you got involved with around that age was no prize. She slept around on you, treated you like shit, and tried to take your money when you finally broke it off."

I winced at the thought of Sandra. It still hurt being reminded of all the hell I went through with her. I loved that girl, even asked her to marry me, and six months later I found out she was sleeping with five other guys. And was plotting behind my back to get money from me before I found out. It would have worked too, if she hadn't been caught by TMZ. Needless to say I no longer had feelings for her, maybe even hated her.

"JD, I remember okay. But Sandra and Lana are completely different. Lana would never do that to me." I told him.

"That's what you thought about Sandra. And Joann. Lets face it Criss, your choices in woman in the past haven't been anything to brag about." Costa chimed in. I glanced over at him and then back to JD.

"I know, but they were both manipulative. Lana is not like that at all. And for one thing, Lana is a lot more mature than Sandra and Joann. You guys just need to get to know her, then you'll see for yourselves. Sandra grew up in the business, Lana didn't. Lana grew up in Michigan for petes sake. That's as far away from corruption as you could possibly get. Shes a very down to earth girl. She hasn't been trained, manipulated and ruined by hollywood like Sandra was. I should have known better than to try a series relationship with someone with Sandras background. And Joann was just crazy from the beginning. Lesson learned okay? Lana is nothing like them. You have to give her a chance and stop treating her like shes another Sandra okay? Cause its not fair to either of us." I explained to them.

I could see them both relax their faces as their mood started to change.

"Okay, you're right. We'll give her a chance." JD finally said as he smiled at me. I smiled back.

"Thank you." I told them both. I suddenly felt relief take over my body, making me feel a lot better about things. I hoped that everything would stay that way and ciaos wouldn't start back up again. Although, they did seem to give up a little too easy, but I had faith in my brothers, or at least I wanted to.


	17. Wicked games

**Wicked Games**

* * *

><p><em>World was on fire, No one could save me but you,<em>

_Its strange what desire will make foolish people do,_

_I never dreamed I meet somebody like you._

_Chris Issac – Wicked Games_

* * *

><p><strong>CPOV<strong>

"So what do you think?" I heard from behind me. I turned turned sideways, taking my attention from the tv, only to have my eyes stop on the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

Lana stood in front of the couch with a smile that lit up the room. At that point, I was wishing Costa and JD hadn't gone back to their hotel room. Seeing Lana like that made my blood boil, and I felt like throwing her on the couch right then and there.

"Wow." was all I could manage to get out, I could practically feel my eyes popping out of my head.

She slowly twirled in a circle, giving me an entire view of her. She was breath taking. Her hair was pulled up into a bun, with small ringlets falling down from the inside of the bun, her bangs straightened and brushed off to the side of her face, covering half of her right eye.

Her dress only went to her mid thighs and formed to her body tightly, showing every curve she had. The top of it was black and low cut, exposing just the right amount of cleavage, enough to drive me mad. Just below the bust it cut into a deep red, hugging her curves perfectly. Her high heels gave her an extra three inches of height, and I could see them glitter as she slowly spun.

I stared at her in shock. "Oh my god Lana, you look absolutely gorgeous!"

She smiled at me and blushed. "Thank you." She said. I stood up and walked towards her, taking her into my arms I pulled her roughly into my body.

"You are driving me nuts. I don't know if Ill be able to handle being around you all night looking like this. I might just wind up doing something to you." I leaned my head down and kissed her neck.

As I pulled away her necklace caught my attention. A silver chain with a little silver flip flop attached to it. I lightly lifted the charm to get a closer look. The sandal had footprints on the inside of it. I flipped it over, on the back it read 'When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you'. I looked up at her.

"Footprints in the sand? You really like that poem don't you?" I asked her. She nodded.

"It has special meaning to me. I've gone through a lot of terrible things in my life, and when I was younger, I use to get mad at God for abandoning me when I needed him the most. That's when I stumbled onto this poem, and it made so much sense to me. It was like God was showing me this poem to restore my faith in him, letting me know that he never really left me, that every time something bad happened, he was there. That through every problem I had, he was the reason I got through it. Because I never walked alone." She explained. I was lost for words. I didn't know what to say, or if I should say anything at all.

I lightly pressed my lips to hers and kissed her passionately. That was the only thing that felt right at that moment. The strange thing was, it wasn't her looks that made me want her so badly, granted, they helped, but it was what she just said. Making her sound so vulnerable and compassionate. And I just knew, that nothing was going to stop me now.

I placed my hand onto the back of her head and pulled her lips deeper into mine. As our kiss grew harder, I slowly walked us backwards towards the couch, until my calves met up with the cushions and I fell backwards. Lana came with me, our kiss never breaking. She straddled my lap as she combed her fingers through my hair.

I placed my hands on her bottom and slowly pulled her dress upwards. She pulled her mouth from mine and yanked her dress over her head, reveling she wasn't wearing a bra. She now sat on my lap wearing nothing but her thong and her high heels. I couldn't help myself, naked with just high heels, turned me on.

"Criss," she said softly, "I thought you didn't want to do this?"

I bit my lip. "I don't think I can wait any longer." I admitted. "You've sent me over the edge Lana. I want you, and I want you now." I growled.

I barely finished my sentence before she smashed her lips hard against mine. She kissed me fiercely, sending shivers down my spine every time she rubbed her tongue against mine. I quickly flipped her over so she was laying on her back and yanked my shirt over my head, tossing it to the floor.

I immediately went back to our kiss. Lanas hands slithered to my jeans and before I knew it, they were undone and pulled halfway down my legs. I swiftly kicked them off only to realize she had managed to pull my boxers down with them. I was completely naked. I laid my body softly on top of her and she instinctively wrapped her legs around my waist, pulling me closer. She let out a soft moan as she felt me press against her.

I released her lips and moved to her neck. Softly kissing, sucking and biting. She moaned again. I could tell she was trying to be quiet. I slid my hand down her body until I found the elastic of her undies. I lifted slightly off from her and slowly slid them down her thighs until I couldn't reach anymore. She kicked her legs, making them slide the rest of the way before falling to the floor.

I placed my hips back down and groaned as I felt her warmth against my cock. I started rocking my hips, making us both moan loudly. Pulling away from her neck, I looked at her. She was just as hungry for this as I was. I could see it in her eyes.

She nodded at me to let me know it was okay. I knew that this was a bad idea. I knew that we shouldn't be doing this. But I couldn't hold back anymore. I had fallen completely in love with her, and it was time we shared the most sacred kind of love there was.

"Hey! Lana! Its me Jo, I'm here!" I heard from outside the door, a loud knock followed.

"Seriously?" Lana groaned and rolled her eyes. "Perfect timing Jo, as usual." She looked up at me apologetic. I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. "I'm so sorry." Lana said to me. She looked like she wanted to cry. I smiled at her and rubbed her cheek.

"Its not your fault, besides, we'll have plenty more opportunities." I grinned at her. I wasn't going to let her know how much I wished Jo would just go away. But we invited her, and I wasn't going to do that to Lanas best friend.

I gave her a kiss before I got up and quickly collected my clothes, and ran to the bedroom, shutting the door behind me.

I plopped onto the bed and took deep breaths. I didn't know how much more I could take before I just ripped off her clothes and took her, not caring who was around us.

I shook my head trying to get rid of my thoughts and focus on calming myself down. There was no way in hell I was going out there to meet Lanas best friend, with a huge ass boner. At that moment, I began to realize the true meaning of blue balls.

"Yea, Criss is getting ready right now, he takes forever. Hollywooders right." I could hear Lana laugh from the living room. "go ahead and make yourself comfy, Ill go see whats taking him." Her voice got louder as she approached the bedroom. The door creaked open and Lana stepped in, making sure she quickly shut the door behind her.

"Criss," she laughed, "you haven't even gotten your clothes on." she whispered. She was fully dressed again, her hair and makeup still intact, like nothing ever happened. Did I just imagine it all? I heard the front door slam shut and then Costa and JD chatting away. They sounded like they were talking to Jo.

"Well, Jos going to be occupied for a few. Apparently she ran into Costa and JD downstairs, that's how she knew what room was yours, they are already best friends." Lana grinned at me.

Before I knew what was happening Lana had pushed me backwards onto the bed and climbed on top of me. She may have put her dress back on, but apparently she didn't put her underwear back on, I could feel her wetness the instant she sat down. She looked down at me as she traced the outline of my abs. I shivered at her touch. I didn't know what she was trying to do, but damn it she was making it difficult to calm myself down.

"We could do whatever we want right now, and they wouldn't even notice." She winked at me. I closed my eyes, enjoying her touch as she continued to run her fingers across my stomach. I wrapped my fingers around her arms and pulled her down into a kiss.

"What if they walk in?" I asked nervously as I pulled away.

"I already locked the door." She assured me.

She bent down and started kissing my neck when she suddenly rocked her hips, grinding into me. I moaned loudly as she did it a second time. It had been so long that I was sensitive to the slightest movements. She slowly slid downward grinding harder. I moaned even louder.

"okay, maybe this isnt such a good idea." I struggled to say. She sat up and grinned down at me.

"For once, I'm going to have to agree." She told me.

"At least not with them in the room next to us." I stated.

"Agreed. You are quite the screamer aren't you Mr. Angel?" She laughed. I leaned forward and slapped my hands onto her butt and gave it a squeeze.

"You have no idea." I grinned at her.

"Well I hope to find out, sooner rather than later." She bent down and kissed me one last time before climbing off the bed and throwing her undies back on. I got dressed as fast as I could and joined her as we walked out of the bedroom.


	18. Good life

**Good life**

* * *

><p><em>Oh this is gotta be the good life,<em>

_This is gotta be the good life,_

_This could really be a good life, good life._

_Say oh, got this feeling that you cant fight,_

_Like the city is on fire tonight,_

_This could really be a good life,_

_A good, good life._

_One Republic - Good Life._

* * *

><p>When we pulled into Teds drive way I was amazed with all the cars that cluttered his yard. There had to have been at least thirty cars, and still some pulling in. I looked into the back seat at Jo. She was grinning ear to ear.<p>

"You nervous?" I asked her.

"Nervous? Are you kidding me? I'm excited." She laughed. "I got to meet Criss angel already, but seeming how hes spoken for, I might just be able to snag me a handsome celebrity." Criss looked at her through the rear view mirror, shook his head and quietly laughed.

"Well, Jo, I can tell you most of them here prefer blondes, so you'll have a good chance. Plus your beautiful." Criss told her.

I looked over at him and smiled. Most guys wouldn't even dare telling their girlfriends best friend they were beautiful, but I think Criss knew I didn't mind. Jo needed to know what guys really thought of her, and hearing it from Criss Angel, well, lets just say it couldn't have come from anyone better.

Jo was very beautiful. She was skinny, her pale skin a shade darker than mine. Her teeth were perfect and her blonde hair flawlessly flowed outwards from her shoulders. Her greenish blue eyes were always so bright and full of life. I loved her like a sister, and she deserved a good man.

"Thank you Criss." She smiled, "its too bad Marie couldn't make it. She could've found herself a hunk too."

"Yea, but I think her brother being on leave is a little more important than a party." I stated.

Criss put the car in park. We all took one look at each other before we flung open the doors and headed to the house. Criss wrapped his arm around my waist leading the way. I looked back at Jo who was starting to look nervous. I held my hand out to her and she placed her hand in mine.

"Criss!" Someone yelled as we approached the porch.

"Johnathan!" Criss yelled back.

I looked to where Criss was staring to see a chunky man leaning against the porch railing. His light brown hair fell over a thick headband wrapped around his forehead. He wore a black pair of khakis and a white t shirt with a black dress shirt over the top.

That had to have been the amazing Johnathan. I watched his act on netflix one time, and I had to give it to him, he was hilarious. I knew Criss was really close friends with him, and I was kind of excited to meet him.

"Where have you been man?" Johnathan called as he starting walking towards us.

"I came into town early to help uncle Ted with things." Criss explained, even though he and I both knew that he didn't really do much helping once he met me, and I felt a little guilty about it. I noticed Johnathan staring at Jo and I as he stopped in front of us.

"Johnathan, this is Lana, my girlfriend, and Lanas friend Jo. Lana, Jo, this, is the amazing Johnathan." Criss introduced us. Johnathan's eyes grew wide and he glared at Criss.

"Girlfriend?" He asked.

"Its a long story man." Criss said. Johnathan gave Criss a look, a look that clearly said he wasn't going to get away with not explaining everything.

"Well, its nice to meet the both of you." Johnathan turned his attention to Jo and I. "And now that your involved with Criss, you have to deal with me." He grinned.

"Johnathan really? You're going to start in on her already?" Criss laughed. Johnathan looked at him with a devilish grin and shrugged.

"Hey, initiation." Johnathan laughed. "By the way Criss, what the hell dude? I cant believe you seriously wore that to a party." He told Criss as he pointed to Criss' shirt. Criss looked down when Johnathan flung his finger upward hitting Criss in the nose with his finger.

"You dick!" Criss laughed and pushed Johnathan away from him. "I haven't seen you in almost a week, and that's the first prank you pull on me? You're so typical." Criss teased him.

"Oh you just wait, I got a new victim now." Johnathan glared at me. He rubbed his hands together and grinned. "I can think of so many new things." he plotted and continued to stare at me. I tried to hold back my smile as I shook my head. Criss looked down at me and began to laugh.

"She's not easily fooled." Criss laughed.

"Oh I'll get her somehow." Johnathan promised.

"Not if I get you first." I raised an eyebrow and glared back at him.

"Ooh, I feel a war in the making." Criss said in a cocky voice.

"That's right," Johnathan nodded, "a war your little woman is going to lose."

"I dunno, you gotta have some pretty big balls to come after me." I snorted and looked down at his pants. He looked down at his pants and before he could react, I flicked my finger at his nose like he did Criss. Criss busted up laughing and slapped his hand on his knee.

"Son of a bitch!" Johnathan yelled and acted angry. He pointed a finger at me as he backed away towards the house. "I'll get you my pretty, and your little Criss too." he imitated the witch from wizard of oz. "I gotta go find Tanya, we have some plotting to do." he laughed evilly as he turned and headed towards the house.

Criss grinned down at me, and I could tell just from his smile that he was ecstatic that his friends were approving of me. He nodded to me once as if to say good job and we headed towards the house. We weaved in and out of the crowds of people while Criss looked for someone specific.

Finally we came to a stop in front of a short man. His hair was pitch black and very short and he had a little goatee hanging from his chin. His ears had to large rings hanging from them. His short sleeved black t shirt showed his muscular tattooed arms. I chuckled to myself, he would be perfect for Jo. When he turned to look at us his green eyes instantly locked onto Jos before they made their way to Criss.

"Criss! Hey man, whats up?" the man said as he pulled Criss into a hug.

"Sully. How you been?" Criss asked him as they broke away.

"Pretty good, getting ready to go on a short tour." he said.

"Really? Where?" Criss asked.

"Just a few places around the U.S., nothing too bad. Who's this?" He nudged his chin towards Jo and I.

"This is Lana, my girlfriend," sully raised his eyebrow and Criss nodded, "And this is her friend Jo."

"Guys this is Sully, my best friend." He introduced us.

"Sully? As in Sully Erna? From Godsmack?" Jo blurted out. Sully nodded and smiled at her.

"That would be me." He told her with an ungodly smile. I knew all too well that smile just did Jo in, there was no turning back now.

"Wow, I love your band." Jo beamed with a sparkle in her eye that I had only witnessed once before.

"Thank you." Sully smiled. "Where are you from?" Sully asked us, more looking towards Jo.

"Here. Born and raised." Jo stated, almost as if she was proud. I looked over at her in question, but she didn't even notice my glare. Since when was Jo proud of being from Michigan?

"Really. This is a beautiful state." He was obviously flirting now. It was apparent that the two of them no longer realized Criss and I were still standing there.

"Hey, Sully, I'm gonna take Lana to find Carrot Top." Criss interrupted their conversation. Sully hardly even acknowledged him, and gave him a tiny nod without taking his eyes off from Jo.

Criss hooked his arm through mine and pulled me away, leading me into a crowd full of people. A waitress walked past us as we searched the crowd. Criss snagged two champagne glasses, handed one to me and took a sip of the other.

"There he is." He said as he snagged his arm around mine and quickly pulled me towards the back of the room, almost making me spill my drink when I attempted to take a sip.

"Scott!" He yelled. I watched as a very muscular man turned towards us. His bright orange hair was hard to miss. I recognized him instantly, Carrot Top. I never really like him as a kid, mostly because I was tired of seeing the at&t commercials with him. I just hoped he wasn't that annoying in real life.

"Hey Criss!" He shouted over the crowd as we headed towards him.

"Been looking for you, not hard to find though." Criss laughed and slapped hands with him and pulled him into a guy hug. "Scott, this is my girlfriend Lana." Criss proudly said and yanked me closer to him.

"Hi Lana, nice to meet you." He shook my hand with a big smile. It was nice to finally be introduced to someone that didn't give Criss the 'what the fuck' look when he said girlfriend.

"You too." I smiled back.

"So how did you two meet?" Scott asked. Criss sighed, I knew he was tired of having to explain 'us' to everyone over and over, especially considering mostly everyone gave him shit about it afterward.

"Its funny actually. We ran into each other at the Godsmack concert." I spoke up, giving Criss a break from having to explain. "Well, _I_ ran into _him_ actually, quite literally, practically broke my phone." I joked and grinned up at Criss. He gave me a light squeeze and returned my smile. "I, uh, was backstage when I was supposed to be. Criss busted me and we just started talking and, here we are." I shrugged and took a sip of my champagne.

"Really? Quite a story to tell the grandkids." Scott laughed, making me flinch at his comment. Ever since JDs little rampage I didn't like to think about babies. No Scott, its not a story to tell the grand kids, because there wont be any. I took a deep breath and tried to forget about it.

"Why don't you guys have a seat?" Scott asked us, gesturing to a couch, one that I was surprised to see was still empty.

I smiled at him and sat down as close to the arm as I could. I took another sip of my drink, only to realize it was already gone. I hadn't realized before then how anxious I was. I had a bit of a people phobia and didn't like to be in large crowds of people. Only once had I had an actual panic attack, most of the time I just got really agitated and snapped at everyone, but when I had the opportunity to get a little buzzed, I took it, the alcohol calmed my nerves.

"Lana, I'll be right back," Criss told me as he spotted someone in the crowd of people. I snagged his arm and gripped it tightly, signaling to him that I didn't want to be left alone. I hadn't told Criss that I didn't like large crowds, maybe I should have mentioned it before. He looked down at me and smiled.

"I'll be right back, I promise. Scott, can you keep her safe while I go talk to JD real quick?" Scott smiled widely, plopped down onto the couch next to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

"I'll take good care of her." he chuckled and winked at Criss. Criss pointed a finger at him.

"Keep your hands to yourself!" he warned him in a joking manner. Scott held up his crossed fingers.

"Scouts honor." he chuckled.

Criss laughed and then disappeared into the crowd. It was no wonder why he was leaving me alone, and suddenly I didn't blame him, I didn't really feel like ruining the night with another fight between JD and I. It was probably best if I avoided him for the night.

"So, Lana," Scott began. "What do you do?"

"I'm a dancer." I told him as I snagged another drink from a waiter who was walking by.

"Really? A dancer?" he raised an eyebrow at me and looked in the direction that Criss walk.

"Oh god! No, not _that_ kind of dancer." I corrected myself quickly. Scott let out a loud breath and laughed. "No, I'm a dance _teacher,_ I work at a studio teaching modern dance, mainly to teenagers."

I sat and talked with Scott, answering and asking questions, my mood had lifted immensely and I was really starting to like him. He was not what I expected at all, I had seen him on Criss' show and on other things, but as usual, he was completely different in real life than I had seen on tv. We talked for quite a while before Criss came back and then they both lead me around the room, introducing me to people.

As the night went on I had lost count of the amount of drinks Id had, I guess I was just assuming Criss would cut me off when he felt Id had enough. I was already feeling buzzed and to be honest, the champagne was making the night a hell of a lot easier.

Ted was understandably busy, so when we found him we wished him a happy birthday but didn't keep him from the party. When we finally came across Jo and Sully again we noticed they had both become very comfortable with each other, it was obvious by the way Sullys tongue invaded Jos mouth every thirty seconds. Scott had made his way to another group of friends, leaving Criss and I alone. As we walked through the house I noticed Johnathan coming towards us.

"Come up with anything yet?" I shouted to Johnathan as we passed by each other.

"Working on it." He yelled over his shoulder and continued to walk past. Criss and I looked at each other and laughed.

"Guess I'm going to have to help you come up with some big aren't I?" He chuckled.

"I got a few ideas of my own." I grinned. "But you can help." I said. Criss threw his head back and laughed.

After a couple hours of chatting with this person and that person, Criss found us a place to relax. It was a large study. The walls lined with books, a large desk in the middle of the room, and two small chairs sitting in front of the desk. There were a couple deer heads that hung from the back walls. Criss walked me to the large couch that sat against the wall. The couch was completed by two reading chairs on either side of it.

"So, what do you think?" Criss asked, taking a seat next to me on the large couch. I smiled to myself with how close Criss needed to be, the couch was big enough to fit at least 6 people, but yet he sat close enough to me that our legs were touching.

"I'm having a great time." I told him with a smile. "I love your friends, they remind me so much of me."

"I think you're going to fit right in." he smirked and leaned down to kiss me lightly on the neck, making me shiver. I felt him smile against my skin as he kissed my neck again.

"I love you." he whispered into my ear. He sat back and looked at me. "You don't even understand how happy I am right now." I kissed him softly, before it turned ferocious. He pushed me back against the couch and took over, sliding his hand up my dress, not stopping until he reached my panties.

"Whoa! Hello! Sorry, am I interrupting?" I heard Scott yell as he quickly turned his back to us. Criss immediately straightened himself and cleared his throat.

"Its okay Scott, you can come in." Criss chuckled slightly embarrassed. Scott turned cautiously before he made his way to us and took a seat in the chair beside the couch. Criss threw himself quickly into conversation with Scott, probably trying to make him forget about what he just witnessed.

They rambled on, telling me the ins and outs of Criss' life. They relived some of the hilarious pranks they had played on each other. It wasn't long before Johnathan and a blonde, who I was assuming to be Tanya, found us and quickly joined in with the story telling.

"So this other time," Criss blurted out laughing, "Id say it was one of the funniest. Johnathan and I put saran wrap on the outside of carrot tops back door. We led him outside, whipped out our supersoakers and started spraying his ass down," Criss stopped and started laughing, "he took off running, went to run into the house, and smacked right into the saran wrap. It was one of the funniest things I had ever seen. He bounced off that thing like I never thought someone would." Criss and Carrot top were laughing historically by then. I laughed right along with them.

"I was so pissed at you guys! I thought I was going to need stitches, guess it was a good thing I landed in the grass." Scott laughed.

"Oh just admitted it Carrot Top, it was that afro puff that saved you from stitches." Johnathan snorted. Scott shrugged in agreement and then laughed with him.

Jo and Sully eventually walked in, hand in hand and took a seat with the rest of us. Jo sat on the other side of me and wrapped her arm around mine and smiled. I was that much happier knowing I had made her night.

"So there you guys are." Ted blurted from the doorway. "Trying to hide from the crowd?" He laughed.

"No, we were out there for a while." I defended.

"Relax sweetie, I'm just kiddin. Everyone besides us went home already." Ted said. I hadn't even realized how late it was already.

"So, they telling you about all the shit they've done to each other?" Ted laughed and took a seat. "I call them the three stooges, always playing pranks and someones always getting hurt."

"Come on Ted, we don't a_lways_ get hurt." Criss tried to defend their actions. Ted laughed loudly and looked to me.

"You gotta watch out for that one, with his mindfreak shit, you should hear some of the stuff he's pulled on me." He laughed.

"That little bastard bout gave me a heart attack." Ted said and nudged his glass towards Criss. "Asked me to shoot him with a cross bow, _a cross bow!_ So I figured what the hell, he knows what hes doing. When that arrow went straight through his body, I thought Id killed him."

Criss began to laugh. "Hey you volunteered!" Criss yelled and sat forward.

"I sure as hell wouldn't have if Ida known you were gonna pull that crazy shit!" Ted yelled right back.

"You wanna talk about thinking you killed Criss?" Johnathan chimed in, "what about the time you convinced me to run you over with a car?"

"I did not! You said you wanted to run me over, so I told you to bring it on." Criss yelled, trying to keep the laughter out of his voice. "its not my fault you have homicidal tendencies. Besides, I distinctly remember a time after when you chained me to a burning car and had another car try to hit me." Criss pointed a finger at him.

I watched with amusement as they all began to fake argue, and it wasn't long before Sully and Scott joined in, all of them seeming to gang up on Criss.

As I listened to the guys throw out insults, yell and accuse each other of wrong doings, I couldn't keep the smile from my face. With the love of my life to my left, my best friend to my right, and my new found friends circled all around, joking and having a good time, I realized that this was exactly how my life should be.


	19. Porn star dancing

**Porn star dancing  
><strong>

* * *

><p><em>She wraps the hands around that pole,<br>_

_She licks those lips and off we go._

_She takes it off nice and slow,_

_Cause that's porn star dancing._

_She don't play nice, she makes me beg,_

_As she drops that dress around her legs,_

_And I'm sitting right by the stage,_

_For this porn star dancing._

_Your body's lightening up the room,_

_I want a naughty girl like you._

_My darkest days - Porn star dancing._

* * *

><p>"I hope you had a good time tonight." Criss smiled over at me as he drove back to his hotel. I did, I had an amazing time. It was well past one in the morning by the time we left Teds house, and to be honest, I could have stayed there all night.<p>

My buzz had worn off a long time ago, I was no longer anxious, since I was in the company of only a few people, all of which I now considered to be my close friends. I couldn't have imagined the night going any better than it did. Yea, it started out a little rocky, but once I got to know all of Criss' closest friends I quickly felt like I belonged.

I smiled over at Criss. "That was one of the best nights Ive had in a long time. Thank you." I placed my hand on his upper thigh and leaned my head back against the headrest, unable to take my eyes away from him.

He jumped slightly and looked down at my hand when I accidentally brushed across the middle of his jeans. I tried and failed to hide my smile when I felt that he was already hard. I felt a bit smug, knowing that I could affect him in such a way, without even having to touch him.

When we got to the hotel we walked through the hotel lobby in silence, as well as the elevator, and it was making me a bit nervous, he had said a total of two sentences to me since we left Teds. I could feel his eyes burning into me as I walked ahead of him to the room. Without warning, I was spun around and slammed into the door, pinning me between the wood and Criss. I didn't even have time to gasp before Criss' mouth came down hard on mine, his tongue forcing my mouth open.

His hands rested against the door on either side of my body, officially pinning me to the door and it only took a few seconds for my brain to register what was going on. I ran my hands through the back of his hair, grabbing fist fulls and using it to pull his mouth harder into mine, making him groan into my mouth. I completely lost myself in the kiss, everything in my brain scattered and nothing was left but his mouth.

One of his hands snaked around my back, while the other impatiently slid down my thigh until he found the crevice of my knee. He forcefully yank my leg upward, hooking it around his waist, and pushed his hips harder into mine, making me gush when his jeans rubbed against me, revealing that earlier he wasn't nearly as hard as he could have been. He made a low noise in the back of his throat when I pushed my hips into him. He pulled his mouth away and rested his forehead to mine.

"Uh god Lana! I need you! I need you _now_!" he ground his hips into me, making him hiss when he felt the pressure. "All night, that's all I could think about." he looked down at my body, fisting the hem of my dress and gave it a tug. His fingers slid along my lower butt, making me shiver from how close his fingers were to my pussy. I could feel my need for him growing more with every touch, every breath, and every word he uttered.

"And this fucking _dress_!" he groaned, his voice low and raspy. "Oh _gawd_ this dress! You have no idea how many times I imagined myself ripping it from your body." His voice was sex, pure sex, making me quiver. I bit down on my lip as my inner muscles tightened and my nipples became so hard they could have cut glass. How could one mans voice have such a ridiculous influence on my body?

"I thought you had rules about this?" I mumbled. He ground his hips into me harder and grunted.

"Fuck the rules! Rules were meant to be broken." he exclaimed, giving me all the permission I needed. I quickly smashed my mouth back to his. I ached so badly for him, I had never wanted anything so much in my life. Our mouths tore at each others, both of us so hungry for one another.

He slipped his hands behind me and squeezed my butt cheeks, and lifted me up so I could wrap my legs around his waist. He slammed my back against the door again once he had secured his hands under me. As he ravaged my mouth, I reached down and began pulling on his jeans. His belt buckled clanked when I finally got it undone. His zipper proved to be a bit more challenging, since my legs were tightly wrapped around him. After I got his zipper down I tugged in an attempt to remove them, once again, my legs were in the way. Giving up, I placed my hands back into his hair.

The sound of a door shutting and giggling broke our kiss, I completely forgot we were still in the hallway. My face turned red when I noticed the two teenage girls giggling and staring at us from down the hall. I was glad I hadn't managed to get his pants off yet, or we would've been giving those underage girls the show of their dreams right now. They ran away as soon as they noticed we spotted them. Criss and I looked at each other and began to laugh softly. He hid his face in my neck, probably to hide his embarrassment.

"Maybe we should take this into the room?" he chuckled.

"You're probably right." I laughed. He loosened his grip and tried to set me on the ground, but I wasn't having it. I clenched my legs tighter around him and refused to let go. He laughed and shook his head as he reached into his back pocket for the key card.

I began kissing and sucking his neck while he searched his pockets. He lost his balance and let out an audible moan when I nibbled on his earlobe, scrapping me teeth against his large diamond earring. He threw a hand out in front of him to prevent us from literally falling into the door. He placed his other hand under me to make sure I was secure, not realizing the grip my legs and arms had on him was unbreakable.

He glared at me, silently scolding me from finding one of his weak spots, then began searching for the key again. I didn't make it much easier for him when I started to kiss him again, making my tongue do things to his mouth that I didn't even know I was capable of.

Finally, he pulled the key out of his pocket. He fumbled with the card reader as our tongues raged against each other. I could hear the card smacking against the door as he failed several times to place it in the correct spot. Finally there was a click, the door buzzed and we stumbled into the room. Our kiss never faltered, not even when Criss kicked his foot backwards to shut the door.

He kicked his boots towards the wall and began to wiggle his hips. I loosened my legs slightly so he could push down on his jeans. I immediately tightened myself back around him the moment his jeans hit the floor. We both groaned when we blended back together, not expecting the sensitivity from the lack of his clothing.

He wrapped his hands under me again and stepped out of his jeans, leaving them where they lay, before he walked us to the bedroom. Neither of us wanted my legs to unwrap themselves from where they were, so when we reached the bed, Criss sat down on the edge so I sat on top of him.

Finally, we broke for some air. Both of us gasped the moment our lips stopped touching. I loosened my grip around his neck and untangled my legs so I could straddle him. The bottom of my dress was scrunched up to my hips, and I could feel his erection pulsate as it pressed firmly against the thin layer of cloth that separated us. I secretly wondered if Criss could feel my pulse as well, because it sure as hell as throbbing like a bitch. I had never been that worked up in my life, and he hardly touched me.

Criss gazed into my eyes, making me feel a bit self conscious, but I couldn't make myself look away. His eyes were a darker brown than normal and his pupils were twice their normal size. I slipped his shirt over his head and tossed it on the floor, and began tracing the outlines of his abs with my finger. His eyes rolled backwards and he took a deep breath. I leaned down and licked his nipple, catching him off guard. His eyes, that only moments ago were soft, turned slightly hard and I could tell he was having a hard time holding himself back.

I lowered my head slowly, making sure he wasn't caught off guard again, and began to lick, suck and kiss my way down his stomach. I slowly slid off his lap and came to rest in front of him on my knees. He lifted his hips, allowing me to pull his boxer briefs from him body and expose his huge cock.

I gasped in shock, he was ridiculously thick, and it worried me. I hadn't had an opportunity to get a good look at it, but now that I had, I started to become nervous and wonder if it would even fit without ripping me apart. Pushing that thought aside, I wrapped my hands around his shaft and lightly licked the tip.

"Hoooo god!" Criss moaned and leaned back on his elbows, throwing his head back.

I closed my mouth around him and began to suck. His hips involuntarily bounced to the rhythm of my mouth as I began to suck harder and faster. I could feel myself oozing more and more the moment I tasted the tiny droplets of cum that had escaped his dick. I knew Criss enjoyed every move just from the noises that were escaping his mouth, and the occasional 'oh fucks'. I reached down and began to tug on his balls.

"Okay! Stop." Criss demanded, quickly sitting up. "You're going to make me blow." he said and pulled me back up to him, placing me in the exact position I was in before. I grinned and jokingly wiped the corner of my mouth with my thumb. Criss rolled his eyes and laughed.

"Cute." he chuckled and shook his head at me. He grabbed the bottom of my dress and forcefully yanked it over my head. I heard a couple tearing sounds before it was completely free from my body. I guess he wasn't joking about ripping my dress off of me. I shivered slightly when my breasts were exposed to the cold air, officially making my nipples as hard as they could have been. Criss bit down on his lip and his eyes began to wander over my mostly naked body.

"God you're so beautiful." he said. He cupped one of my breasts and began to massage gently. His thumb lightly grazed over my nipple, making me jump.

"Oo, are they sensitive?" he asked with a devilish grin appearing on his lips. I nodded hard.

"They're _really_ sensitive." I warned him, hoping he would take it easy. Ever since I could remember my nipples had been so sensitive that I wouldn't let _anyone_ touch them, including who ever I was dating.

Criss smiled crookedly and dipped his head, taking a nipple into his mouth. I hissed as I inhaled deeply and then bit my lip, awaiting the unbearable sensation that normally happened when someone touched my nipples, but it never happened. It felt unbelievably good. I stayed still for a moment, waiting to see if it was just a delayed reaction, but nothing happened.

When Criss' hand began to massage and pinch my other nipple was when I felt it, it felt like a hard tug that came from deep within my womb. My breath became rugged and my hips began to rock involuntarily, somehow, I had managed to push my undies to the side so that his cock now rested between my wet lips. I jumped slightly when Criss moaned against my breast, and again when I pushed harder against him.

He took turns sucking each nipple while his hand absentmindedly played with my belly button ring. I was so wet by then that his cock easily slid between my lips. I rocked my hips back and forth, sliding up and down his shaft. Every time I moved down I added a bit more pressure, making him grunt against my breast each time.

Because we were in a sitting position it was harder than I expected to keep his cock lined up in the right place, so it shouldn't have surprised me when I slipped up. As I moved to slid down his shaft again, his dick slid inside of me. I gasped in pain from the unexpected intrusion, that was made much worse by his size.

Before I knew what hit me, Criss had grabbed my hips and flipped me over so I was on my back and he hovered over me. He glared down at me, his cock still somehow inside of me. I blink a couple of times to compose myself and then stared back up at him.

"I was trying to be gentle, but you keep doing that shit and I wont be able to contain myself." he slowly pulled himself out, leaving me feeling empty and pleading to be filled again. "I will fuck you three ways from Sunday!" Criss warned, his breath was unsteady.

"In fact, I'm gonna fuck you so hard, you aren't going to be able to walk for a week." he grinned down at me, lust completely filling his eyes. And I wasn't too ashamed to admit, that being fucked so hard that I couldn't walk, was exactly what I wanted.

I bit down on my finger and acted like a school girl. "Please, don't punish me sir, Ive been a good girl." I twirled my other finger around in my hair and stared up at him. His expression went from turned on to down right angry horny in a split second.

"If you want to walk out of here in one piece then I suggest you don't do that shit again." his eyes bore into mine, he was serious, which should of scared me, but it only created more lubrication between my legs. I wanted him to fuck me, I wanted him to fuck me hard, harder than Id ever been fucked before. I wrapped my legs around his waist and pulled him to me. His cock rested against my opening, making my pulse go crazy, the anticipation was killing me.

He watched me for a second before finally pushing his hips forward. His cock slowly sank deeper and deeper into me. I raked my nails down his back and threw my head back, groaning with pleasure and pain as his huge dick stretched me further than I ever thought possible.

He stopped when he was halfway in and sat for a moment, giving me a chance to adjust to his size, but I didn't want a moment, I wanted every inch of him right then and there. I used my legs to push against his ass, letting him know I wanted it all. He began to push further in, uttering some oh fucks, and oh shits with a few grunts here and there. I took a couple of deep breaths as he sank himself into me. I began to push my hips against him. His mouth came crashing down onto mine and slowly he began to thrust in and out.

"Oh god Lana! You're so fucking tight!" he muttered into my mouth.

It took me a few minutes to get use to his size, and even then, I could still feel every time he bottomed out, but I was too fucking horny to let the pain bother me. His thrusts became harder, angrier and more powerful. He began slamming himself all the way into me, grunting loudly every time he bottomed out, and after two of his angry poundings I found myself screaming in time with his grunts.

"Uh fuck! I have to stop." he blurted out suddenly and pulled himself out just as quickly, leaving me empty and pining for more. He blew out a couple heavy breaths and then I felt his weight lift off the bed. I laid there in shock while he fumbled with something by the night stand, and just when I was going to get angry, he slammed himself back into me.

I cried out with pleasure when he started up right where he left off. I felt his body shake and he mumbled a few cuss words and took a couple deep breaths. He was grunting so loudly that I wondered if this was how cavemen sounded when they fucked.

He wrapped his arm around my waist and sat up, pulling me up with him. I gasped when his cock slipped out of me, leaving me with that empty feeling again. I had no idea what he was doing, and at that moment, I decided to let him be in control, after all, he was the one that seemed to have no conscious thought at the moment.

He sat on the edge of the bed and stood me up in front of him, turned me around to face away from him and slowly pulled me down on top of him, guiding his dick back inside of me as I sat on his lap. He moaned loudly as I sank him in deeper.

The new position made it so I was able to make him go deeper than before. He grabbed each of my hips and began to push and pull me. Just like before, it wasn't long before he was pushing and pull so fast that I found it hard to keep up.

I rested my hands on his knees and bent forward slightly, giving him more access for control. He slammed my hips full force down onto his cock, and grunted between his gritted teeth. He held me down for a few seconds while he rocked his hips slightly. He pulled me backwards and began kissing my back and shoulder blades, sending shivers down my spine. I moaned really loud, making him stop and look up at me with a crooked smile.

"Did I find a turn on spot?" he grinned and intentionally placed a tiny kiss on my left shoulder blade, making me shudder and rock backwards, forcing his cock further into me. He groaned and slapped his hands onto my hips.

"Now I'm the one warning you." I grinned at him over my shoulder, feeling a bit powerful and sexy all in one. He returned my grin but then grabbed my ankle, and slowly pulled it towards him, making me turn. He slowly slid my leg over his head and placed it on the other side of his body so that I was now in the same position, only facing him this time.

He placed a hand on my middle back and leaned me backwards, taking advantage of my breasts exposure. He sucked a nipple while he slowly began to move his hips, making his cock slid in and out of me again. I tossed my head backwards and placed my hands on his knees behind me for support.

That was when his thumb found my clit and began to slowly and torturously rub in circles. He was driving me mad, the need to be ravagly fucked was growing rapidly, forcing my body to instinctively grind back and forth against him. He moaned against my breast and once again, I felt him shutter. His sucking became a little harder, but it was nothing I couldn't handle.

I knew it wouldn't be long before my body could no longer handle the overwhelming stimulation he was doing to me. I felt my muscles tighten as my body prepared for the oncoming storm. His body shook when he felt my pussy tighten around him and he sucked even harder on my nipple, his speed increasing against my clit. I felt it from deep inside of my stomach, the need to release.

I began grinding against him harder while he was still to the hilt inside of me. His cock swiveled around and massaged my insides, hitting every spot that I needed. Deep within, I finally felt it, the explosion that I had been holding onto since I met Criss. I continued to grind against him as I screamed and came.

"Oh my! Shit! Mother of fuck! Criss!" I screamed.

"Are you cumming baby?" he asked me, even though I was sure he could already feel it. I bit my lip and nodded. I came violently on top of him, screaming, grinding, saying every cuss word I could think of, even some in a different language. I could even feel every contraction my insides made. Criss wrapped his arm tightly around my waist and pulled me in close to him.

"Uh fuck! Lana! Err! Oh yea! Oh god!" Criss grunted and at that moment, I knew he was cumming with me. The erotica of us cumming together threw me into another unbelievably powerful orgasm and my dying screams became louder again.

"Holy fuck! Again?" Criss asked in surprised. "Ahh, shit!" he yelled and gripped me tighter as he started to cum again. I had a feeling it had something to do with my muscles clenching the shit out of his dick.

It seemed like I came forever, and when it was finally over, I fell against Criss' chest. He laid back down on the bed, my body following his, willing or not, his dick still fully inside of me. He had completely drained me of my energy, but I knew we had to at least change how we were laying, in case his brothers decided to show up. But it didn't have to be at that exact moment.

I let my body calm down before I moved at all. Criss wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead, not caring about all the sweat.

"My god Lana, I love you." he whispered. I smiled to myself.

"I love you." I whispered back, completely satisfied and happy. I had never had that great of sex before, never came that hard before, and certainly never felt this way about a man before.

After a while, he lightly tapped my arm, signaling to me we needed to get up. Reluctantly, I slowly sat up, watching as his dick slid out and then came to rest on his belly. I sat beside him and stared down at his dick, amazed. Was that seriously even possible?

"WTF to that." I raised an eyebrow.

Criss lifted his head slightly, then flopped his head back onto the bed and sighed heavily. The condom that was still on his semi hard dick was completely filled, and I was surprised that it hadn't exploded everywhere.

Criss chuckled and looked over at me. "I guess that's what happens when you've held it in as long as I have."

I huffed a laugh and shook my head. "How many times did you cum?" I asked jokingly.

"Ummm... six." he mumbled and began to sit up.

"What did you say?" I snapped. "Six? No way! You can't be serious."

He looked over at me and grinned. "I would never lie about that." he promised me.

"How?" was all I could manage to say. I thought about it and realized that those times that his body would suddenly shake, that was him cumming. Holy shit! Six times! I suddenly felt like I was on top of the world. I'd always thought it wasn't possible for a guy to cum that many times, or that much for that matter.

"Well, for one, when I'm around you, I'm constantly hard, that shit builds up. And two, you're just that fucking good." he grinned at me. "Hell, I could go for six more, if it wasn't almost four in the morning already, and I, um," he looked down, "kind of have a mess to clean up." That was an understatement.

I laughed and threw myself onto the bed. "Rain check?" I grinned at him, suddenly feeling exhausted. He smiled, leaned over and kissed me while trying not to make a bigger mess, and then hobbled to the bathroom. I was almost asleep by the time he crawled into bed with me.


	20. Seein' Red

**Seein' Red**

* * *

><p><em>Ooo, I confess, I don't know what to make from all this mess,<em>

_Don't have much time for sympathy,_

_But it never happened to me._

_You're feeling down now,_

_I don't know where I'll be when you come around,_

_And now its time to make a choice,_

_And all I wanna hear is your voice._

_Unwritten Law – Seein' Red_

* * *

><p><strong>CPOV<strong>

Lana was half asleep when I finally crawled back into bed with her. I laid down beside her, our faces inches apart, and I could feel her breath on me, I could smell the sweet scent of her mouth that I, only moments ago, had tasted, and I wanted to taste it more.

I leaned forward slightly and kissed her lips. She moaned as she slowly came to and then began to kiss me back. My finger traced along her hip and then did circles around her belly, making a smile slowly come across her face. I slid my finger under the dangle of her belly button ring and twirled my finger around it. I could tell she liked the feeling.

"You aren't tired?" she asked in a horse voice. I smiled widely at her and shook my head. How could I have been? Id just had the best sex of my life, yes, but I was laying naked in bed with the one woman I wanted to be with. I didn't want to close my eyes or even think about sleep. I wanted to see her beautiful face as much as I could.

"What are you thinking?" she asked, finally propping her head up with her hand and attempting to shake off the sleepiness.

"I'm thinking that I'm the luckiest bastard on earth." I smiled at her. She smiled back and blushed slightly. I loved watching her blush, seeing her cheeks fill with that beautiful color of pink, it sent shivers down my spine every time.

"Was I the best you've ever had?" she grinned at me, joking.

"By far." I confirmed. She gasped slightly and her eyes widened at my response, clearly she was surprised by my answer, but it was the truth. Never in my life had I cum that hard, that many times, or that much. She had no idea how amazing she really was.

She sat and processed it for a moment before her face turned into a slight frown. "How many have you had?" she asked in a quiet voice. I closed my eyes and sighed, why did she have to go there?

"Lana," I sighed again and looked to the ceiling, as if the ceiling was going to help me on this one, "I use to be, I guess you can say, a bit of a man whore." I admitted. I wasn't exactly sure I wanted to tell her how many, it was pretty high up there, and even though most of them meant nothing to me, I wasn't sure she was going to be able to handle the numbers.

"I know, Ive heard." she laughed slightly and nudged me. She placed her hand on my chest and slowly massaging my pecks. I closed my eyes and inhaled, she had no idea how good just the slightest touch from her could completely throw me off balance.

"Okay, you asked for it." I warned her before I began. "Lets see, there was four in high school, and eleven after high school." I winced in anticipation of her response.

"Fifteen?" she asked, clearly skeptical.

"I swear. I met JoAnn in high school, I was with her for almost seventeen years before we got divorced. After that, it was kind of like I was free, ya know? I had just gotten divorced and at the same time became worldly known, so I went a bit over board." I tried to defend myself. I knew I was a manwhore back then, but I didn't want it to effect things between Lana and I.

"No, that's not what I meant." she laughed, "I just cant believe that fifteen is your number." she laughed. I wasnt going to lie, I was truly relieved that she didnt make a big deal out of it. Most woman werent use to being with someone that had a history like mine, and I was really glad that Lana didnt seem to be the jealous type.

"Yea, well, there's a few that I'm not proud of." I mumbled.

"Paris Hilton?" she giggled, clearly having too much fun with my embarrassment.

"Are you kidding me?" I snapped, a little to defensively, "I _never_ slept with _her."_

"Oh come on, _everybody _has slept with Paris Hilton." She arched an eyebrow at me. "I heard you did."

I sat up on my elbow and looked at her sternly. "No way in hell would I have touched Paris Hilton with a ten foot pole, like you said, there isn't one famous guy out there that she hasn't slept with." I told her, hoping she would just drop it.

"But Ive seen pictures and stuff of you two together." she looked at me suspiciously.

"Unwillingly," I mumbled, "shes just so whinny until she gets what she wants, shes a fun girl to go party with, but I would never think about going down that road." I explained.

"Honestly, that makes me feel a lot better." she smiled, "not that it would matter if you did, but I find Paris Hilton to be extremely immature and frankly, annoying as shit, I'm glad you didn't fall for her sad and ridiculous attempts to seduce anything with a penis." she told me, making me laugh at her response.

"I think her and Lindsey Lohan have a bet going, to see who can sleep with more guys before they turn forty." she laughed and looked up at me.

I shook my head no with an amused smile. "No, I never slept with Lindsey Lohan either." I answered her unspoken question, and pulled her closer into me. "Trust me, I didn't and wouldn't, especially now." I breathed into her ear.

"Just needed to know what I'm competing with?" she smiled.

"Oh trust me, there is no competition." I assured her and kissed her jawline. I smiled to myself when I felt her shiver. I didn't want to ruin the moment, but I had to ask.

"What about you? How many?" I asked in a low voice. I was finding it hard to hold myself back from fucking her hard again, but I contained myself, waiting for an answer.

"Four." She answered in a matter of fact voice.

"Four?" I questioned. She bit her lip and nodded. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Only four? I guess I wasn't sure what I expected, I always suspected that she had guys at her feet most of her life, but she wasn't the type to sleep around. She was the most beautiful woman Id ever seen and I was surprised that there wasn't more than four.

I brushed a strand of hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear, I smiled at her and she smiled back. Without another word, she snuggled up against me and was asleep in no time. I smiled to myself and wrapped my arm around her body, perfectly content.

I stared down at her, admiring her. She was so beautiful, and incredible, and I couldn't believe that I had found her. The past week with her had been the best time of my life, and I had fallen completely in love with her. But there was one problem, we only had one day left before I had to go back to my normal life, and she had to stay behind.

I knew that Lana had deep feelings for me as well, but I wasn't exactly sure how deep they went. The love I felt for her couldn't possibly compare to how she felt about me, but either way, we were both going to be broken hearted come Monday morning.

I had thought so long and hard about how we could stay together, and I knew we couldn't. I knew there was no way Lana was going to leave Michigan, and she knew I couldn't stay with her. Long distance relationships never worked. Out of sight, out of mind, unfortunately that was true, for most people at least, but not for me.

Leaving Lana was going to be the hardest thing Id ever have to do, and I knew I would never be able to find another woman like her, and I was never going to get over her. How could I? Every woman I was going to meet from here on out was never going to come close to being as perfect as Lana, and Lana was the girl Id been dreaming of all my life.

I had managed to get myself so attached to her, something I was so careful about before I met her, and now it was as if everything I thought I knew about relationships was completely wrong.

I couldn't believe what we had just done. I was so caught up in the moment that it felt, right. But now, as I laid next to her, I realized that I had just made a huge mistake. Knowing we only had one day left, sleeping together was probably the worst thing we could have done.

And to make matters worse, now I knew what I was going to be missing out on. I felt myself starting to get hard again as I thought back on the amazing sex we just had. She was so tight that it was hard for me to stop cumming, every tiny contraction her walls made had me spraying, it was almost as if every time I stopped, I'd come again. I had never came that much in my life, nor that many times. And the way she moved, I didn't know it was even possible for a woman to move in the ways she did.

Regardless of how I felt about her, I wasn't going to ask Lana to come with me, I didn't want to put her on the spot and have to make a choice that I knew was going to be one of the hardest choices of her life. I didn't want to make her choose between me and her family, I didn't have the heart for that.

I also couldn't subject Lana to the life that I lived. She was use to her small town life, and I knew that if she came with me, she would quickly become food for the vultures. She wasn't use to having to deal with the media and all that came with being famous, and I just had a feeling that the things they would say about her would eat her alive.

Now I had a huge decision to make. Should I just end it? Or should I tell her how much I loved her and that we would find a way to be together? But with everything working against us, I didn't see how it would even be possible to promise her that.

There was only thing I could think of to do. I knew it was going to hurt, and it would hurt Lana, but I thought in the long run, it would be best. I had to convince her that I didn't want to be with her anymore. That she didn't really mean anything to me after all. Just thinking of it made my heart hurt.

She meant everything to me, and as much as I knew I could be convincing, I wasn't sure I could be convincing enough to make her believe me.

I tightened my grip around Lana and held her closer. I didn't want to ever let her go. I really did love her. And since that was the truth, I had to do it. For us, for her. If she thought I didn't want her, then she could move on with her life. She wouldn't be wasting her time waiting for me to come back. When we both knew if we went that route, we would only be able to see each other a handful of times throughout the year. But this way, she wouldn't be waiting for me. She could move on with someone else. Yes, I knew that knowing she was with another guy would hurt me. But I loved her enough to sacrifice my heart, for hers.

I also knew that she would be heart broken. But she would get over me, she would move on. And her life would get better. She could meet a guy who didn't have my hectic life style. A guy who could see her every day, and give her all the attention she needed. A guy who could give her everything I couldn't. This was my only option.


	21. Let me go

**Let me go  
><strong>

* * *

><p><em>One more kiss could be the best thing,<br>_

_Or one more lie could be the worst,_

_And all these thoughts are never resting,_

_And you're not something I deserve._

_In my head there's only you now, this world falls on me,_

_In this world there's real and make believe,_

_And this seems real to me._

_You love me but you don't know who I am,_

_I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand,_

_And you love me but you don't know who I am, So let me go._

_Three doors down - Let me go_

* * *

><p>Criss was distant as he pulled into the hotel parking lot. I watched out the passenger window at the freshly fallen snow. All day he had been very quiet and was keeping his distance. Attempting to lighten the mood, I had suggested going to see a movie, but even that didn't work. He sat next to me in the theater, leaning away from me, making sure not to touch me. He had said a total of six sentences to me most of the day. Now, as we sat in his car I began to feel sick to my stomach, my gut was telling me he had made up his mind.<p>

subconsciously I knew that this was it, this was the end of the road, but I wanted to hold on to the little faith I had, faith that Criss was going find a way for us to be together. I wasn't sure if I had the strength in me to face what was happening, in less then twelve hours Criss was going to board the plane to Vegas, and he was going to move on with his life.

In all honesty, I was doubting my reasons for staying behind. I didn't want Criss to leave, but I knew he had to, and that left me with the decision of staying in Michigan, or going to Vegas with him. Suddenly the thought of living in Vegas seemed like a better option than staying here, but I wasn't going to invite myself, and Criss never asked. I wondered what his reasoning was for not asking me to come with him, but I didn't have to wonder very much before the answer popped into my head, I wasn't what he wanted.

"Lana, look," Criss sighed and turned to face me when he put his car into park, "you're a nice girl and everything, but this is the end of the line."

I groaned and hung my head in my hands, my heart sank to my feet and I realized this was the moment I had been dreading since the day I met him.

"What are you saying?" I asked him in a small voice, refusing to look up at him. I didn't want him to see the tears that I knew were going to spill over at any moment.

"I like you Lana, but you're just not my type. It was fun while it lasted, but now we have to go our separate ways, and I'm sorry but, you just don't have a place in my life anymore." Those two sentences hurt me more than anything ever had before.

"But I thought.." I whimpered.

"Yea, so did I.." he said quietly. "I'm sorry I let it go as far as it did." he mumbled. I whipped my head around to glare at him. He was _sorry_? _Sorry? _He was kidding me right? Sorry was all he could muster up after he made me fall in love with him, slept with me and then just threw me away like I was garbage?

"How could you?" I glared at him.

"Look, I've known you for less than a week. You can't seriously think this would go anywhere? I have an image to uphold, and bringing home a girl that I've know for five days, what's that going to say about me?" He snapped.

I bit down on my lip and flinched away. He hit the nerve that I had been trying so desperately to hide, and that was all I needed to hear. My suspicion had been right all along. How could I have been so stupid to think he would actually keep me around? I wasn't what his fans thought he needed. I was just a stupid small town girl who fell for the rock star.

"So what the hell was the past week then? I was right! I was just some girl who fell for your charm, someone for you to have fun with while you were away!" I shouted at him. He shrugged and stared at me. "So I'm disposable huh? Just like that."

"What more did you expect? My brothers were right, I know nothing about you, and I don't think I should be with someone like you." He said coldly.

I flinched away from him, someone like me? Some stupid ordinary girl from Michigan. Someone who was stupid enough to think someone as famous as him could fall for me. Someone who he cared nothing about, and someone who was going home broken hearted while he flew back to his fancy life.

I couldn't believe it, he was really dumping me. I thought after the week we had that he would at least try to hold on to us. At least make an effort to keep us going. Inside I was laughing at myself, laughing for being so stupid and believing that someone like him could really fall in love with someone like me. I was just a toy to him, and I was an idiot to myself.

"So you were lying to me all those times you said you loved me?" I asked. I saw his face frown for a second before he quickly composed himself. He glared at me but stayed silent. "Right. Well, have a great fucking life then." I flung open the passenger side door and ran as quickly as my feet would let me go. I heard Criss call my name behind me but I didn't stop.

I only made as far as the side of the hotel before my legs gave out. Bracing myself against the brick wall, I sank down into the snow. I didn't care that it was only ten degrees out, didn't care that the snow was quickly melting through my jeans, and didn't care that within an hour, my body was going to be completely numb from the cold. My body was already completely numb and my heart was already shattered into a million pieces.

"Lana!" Criss yelled as he ran up behind me, grabbing me around my shoulders and attempting to pull me up. "Lana, don't be such a child, you're going to get sick. Get up!" He snapped, and I could have sworn I heard his voice break slightly. Who was I kidding? He wasn't upset, he didn't give a shit about me. Criss continued to yank on me, but my dead weight was too much for him.

"Just leave me the fuck alone Criss! You don't fucking care!" I screamed, almost at the top of my lungs.

"Fuck!" Criss screamed before he forcefully let go of me. I leaned my head against the wall and sobbed, hardly noticing when Criss finally left.

I cried harder than I ever had before, and it wasn't long before I was gagging. After retching for what seemed to be forever, my body finally gave out and I laid down on the ground. My teeth wouldn't stop chattering and my body began to shiver violently, and I wasn't sure if it was from the cold or from the pain in my chest. I closed my eyes, still sobbing as hard as I could, and the world slowly became silent.

I came to when I felt my body being lifted from the cold ground and I was placed in the backseat of a car, Criss' car. I sat up in a panic, why was I back in Criss' car? Was that all a dream? The pain in my throat and the stinging in my eyes told me it was all too real. So what the hell was going on? Everything became clear when I noticed Costa in the drivers seat.

"Costa?" I croaked, surprising myself at the sound of my voice. I sounded like shit, like a frog that had just been ran over by three separate semi-trucks.

"Hey sweetheart, its okay, I'm taking you home." he looked at me through the rear view mirror. His eyes were full of concern. "I'm so sorry Lana, if I could do something.." he trailed off.

"Its okay Costa, Ill be okay. I'm tougher than I look." I lied and laid back down across the back seat. As much as I wanted to rely on his brother for answers, I couldn't look at him, he reminded me of Criss, and it hurt too much. I tried my hardest to hold onto my strength, at least until Costa got me home safely.

"We're here." Costa announced and pulled into my driveway. Halfway through the ride I managed to drag myself from the backseat and plop down into the passenger seat. Costa would glance over at me every half a second, I'm sure he was expecting me to break down at any moment, but I did pretty good at holding myself together.

He put the car into park, took a deep breath and looked over at me. "Lana, I don't know what to say. What my brother did..."

"You don't have to say anything Costa. I knew this was coming, it just hit me harder than I expected, but I'm okay now." I reassured him. He looked at me with sympathy in his eyes, and I knew he wasn't buying a word I said. "Really Costa, I'll be fine."

"If you need anything, you can call me." he half smiled at me.

"Thank you Costa." I said and opened my door.

It took me forever just to get my key into the lock and open the door, Costa stayed put until I had my front door open, and with one last sad look, he pulled out of the driveway and left. I sluggishly made my way to the living room and sat down on the couch, looking around at my belongings that now seem to have no meaning to me. Nothing mattered to me now.

In fact, looking around my living room, everything now reminded me of Criss. The hours we spent on the couch, the movies we watched, the nicknacks he complimented me on, the crooked smiles he gave me when he looked at photos of my family, everything had Criss written all over it, and it was starting to piss me off.

Who did he think he was? Some superstar who could treat women like shit? Walk all over them, use them up, and then throw them away when he had his fill? How could he do this to _me_? After everything we had been through, he just threw me to the wolves, just like that, like none of it ever mattered to him. He made me believe that he actually loved me, that he cared about me and wanted to be with me. I guess that's what I got for being so stupid and naive. My anger was at a boiling point.

I stood up and ran my fingers across a small picture frame. I had gotten lucky enough to get a picture of Criss and I while he was here. I remembered him laughing when he saw the picture sitting on my book shelf, talking about how beautiful I looked and how ridiculous he looked.

"Fuck you!" I screamed, throwing the picture across the room, feeling a bit of self satisfaction as I watched it shatter into a dozen pieces. I snatched the angel nicknack he had bought for me when we took a trip to the grocery store one night.

"You piece of shit asshole!" I yelled and threw it into the wall beside me. Before I knew what I was doing, my hands were grabbing anything they could find, throwing them all throughout the house and shattering everywhere. I managed to kick and punch my living room wall a few times, leaving large gashes every few feet. I screamed at the top of my lungs until my throat was so sore it began to close up and it was difficult to breathe, throwing and shattering everything I could find and then finally I collapsed onto the living room floor and sobbed.

I woke up to loud banging on my front door. "Lana! Open the fucking door!" I heard Jo scream from outside. My eyes adjusted to the light and I took a look around my living room, a bit shocked by the scene in front of me. My house was completely destroyed, everything fragile was busted and shattered all around, picture frames sprawled across the floor, every piece of glass splintered and every item on my book selves were scattered through the house.

"Lana! Seriously! Open the god damn door!" Jo banged a few more times. "I know you're in there!" I didn't want to talk to her. I didn't want to talk to anyone, I didn't want to live anymore, all I wanted to do was lay on my living room floor and await death. I curled up into the fetal position, wrapped my arms around my head in attempt to block out Jos voice, and began to cry again. Why couldn't she just let me sleep?

"Drew! She wont open the fucking door! I know, I tried the spare! She's got the chain lock on and I can't break it. Alright, Ill see if I can get in that way." Jo was in a panic, and she had resorted to calling my brother, Drew out of all of them.

Drew and Jo had a past, not a very good one either. Since Drew was the brother closest to our age, it was inevitable that Jo and Drew would hook up sooner or later. It would have been fine, if it weren't for one problem, Jo was dating her on off boyfriend at the time, and wound up cheating on the both of them, creating a huge case of family drama and eventually it lead to a fist fight between my brother and Jos boyfriend. Ever since then, Jo and Drew steered clear of each other, only talking when it was absolutely necessary, and after hearing Jo call Drew, it quickly occurred to me that Jo was in frantic and desperate, but I felt cold and heartless when I realized I didn't care.

"Son of a bitch!" Jo yelled while she attempted to climb through my living room window, pulling the curtain halfway down. "What the fuck Lana!" she snapped when she finally placed her feet on the ground.

She stopped dead in her tracks, her eyes widened and she looked around in disbelief. "Holy fuck, was there a tornado that no one told me about? What the fuck happened?" she asked, slowly walking towards me, watching her step to make sure she didn't step on anything sharp. "Lana! Talk to me."

I tightened my body, pulling myself closer into myself and wrapped my arms around my knees. Jo finally made it to me and sat down beside me, I didn't dare look up at her, I didn't need to, she already knew the answers.

"I'm gonna fucking kill him." she sneered and wrapped her arms around me. She held me silently as I sobbed, not saying a word.


	22. I knew you were trouble

**I knew you were trouble  
><strong>

* * *

><p><em>Once upon a time, a few mistakes ago,<em>

_I was in your sights, you got me alone,_

_You found me._

_I guess you didn't care, and I guess I liked that,_

_And when I fell hard, you took a step back, without me._

_And hes long gone, when hes next to me,_

_And I realize, the blame is on me,_

_Cause I knew you were trouble when you walked in,_

_So shame on me now,_

_Flew me to places Id never been,_

_So you put me down. _

_Taylor Swift – I knew you were trouble_

* * *

><p>It had been three weeks since the day Criss left me, and things were finally starting to get a little easier. I still had moments where I would randomly burst into tears and couldn't stop, but that was to be expected, or at least, that was what my therapist said.<p>

I was never one for therapy; after my step father died I did my fair share of counseling. I had to admit that I had a soft spot for Gillian, my therapist, but I still wasn't too keen on being psychoanalyzed. Hell, the only reason I was back in therapy was because Gillian begged me to let her help me, that was, of course, after my mom called her and told her the whole story.

My phone began to blare loudly. Instinctively, I rolled my eyes and groaned. Figured my phone didn't ring all day, but the minute I wanted to sleep someone had to call. I slowly slid off the bed and reached for my phone. I didn't really want to talk to anybody, I had a long and exhausting day and I just wanted to crawl in bed and sleep.

"Hello?" I answered, my voice sounding even more exhausted than I felt.

"Hey, Lana?" A male voice asked from the other end.

"Yea."

"Hey, its Jared, Jared Leto."

"Very funny Dan, not falling for it." I laughed into the phone. My brother was one for jokes, and it was usually the route he took to make me feel better, sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't, and today I just wasn't in the mood for it.

"Dan? Who's Dan?" he asked.

"Uh.. you, stupid." I teased and pushed myself from my bed. "What do you want?" I asked as I walked to my mirror and began fussing with my hair. I was a mess, not just my hair but me, and the sad part was, I didn't really care, I didn't really care for much lately.

"No, actually, this really is Jared." he said. I stopped fussing with my hair and looked at my phone, confused.

"Seriously?" I asked. No way was it really Jared Leto. Why the hell would he be calling me?

"Seriously." he laughed.

"How the hell did you get my number?" I knew it came out as rude, but I was a little bemused as to why he would actually be calling me.

"Whats up?" I asked slowly, still unsure it was truly Jared Leto I was talking to.

"I was wondering how you were doing." He said.

"I could be better." I chuckled. "Criss and I broke up."

"I heard that, are you okay?" The tears started to fill my eyes again. That always got me, when I was upset about something, I was fine, until someone asked me if I was okay. I took in a deep breath and let it out, plopped back down on my bed and composed myself.

"I think so."

"I'm sorry. You and Criss seemed really close." He was speaking softly, almost as if he didn't want to upset me. I thought it was sweet of him to call me, but also be hesitant about it. Most people who found out would question me without even thinking about how I felt.

"Yea, I thought we were too, but apparently not. He went back to Vegas, I guess I was temporary." I spat through my teeth.

"Would you like to go get a drink. Drown our sorrows? You can tell me all about it." He asked me.

I laughed. "What sorrows could you possibly have?"

He laughed along with me. "We all have our problems. What do you say?"

"Sure, give me like a half hour to get ready." I told him.

"Alright, Ill be there in about forty five."

"Okay." As I hung up I realized I felt something, something I hadn't felt ever since Criss left. I was excited.

I liked Jared. He was a great guy, and of course utterly hott, but there was much more to him then most people saw. Of course that's true about almost all the famous people, but still, he was a good guy. He called me just to make sure I was okay when he barely knew me. I mean, yea, we hit it off at the concert pretty well, and I was ecstatic to meet him, considering he's the lead singer of my favorite band, but we got along great, like we knew each other our whole lives.

I pushed myself off the bed and walked to the mirror; I looked like crap. My eyes were puffy and red from constantly fighting off my on coming tears. I didn't bother with my make up anymore, and apparently I didn't mind looking like a bum because my hair was a mess; I felt disgusted with myself. How could I have let things go this far? Honestly, I was surprised that I hadn't just taken all the mirrors out of my house by now.

I quickly rummaged through my clothes and pulled out my little black dress that I saved for occasions like this, and then headed for the shower. There was a knock at the door just as I was putting the finishing touches on my make up. I was surprised when I flung open the door to see Jared actually standing in front of me. What didn't surprise me, was the instant moisture I felt between my legs at the sight of him.

His hair was a short brown with frosted tips, spiked up in different directions. I could see the lines of his muscles through his plain white t shirt. His dark jeans left nothing for the imagination, and his leather jacket that hung open screamed lust. I was questioning whether it was a smart idea to have alcohol in my system around this man, but I quickly told my brain to shut the hell up.

"Wow," He said, looking me up and down, "Hott!" He smiled.

"You too." I grinned. If he only knew what was going though my thoughts right now.

"You ready?" He asked and held an arm out to me.

I snagged my coat and hooked my arm around his. "Ready."

When we arrived at the bar there were very few people there. I wasn't complaining, I hated big crowds, and on top of that, it would be Jared Leto central if anyone noticed him. We walked to a table and sat down just as a woman walked to our table.

"Hi, my name is Janice, what can I get you guys?" She asked us.

Jared looked over at me. "Whatever has the most alcohol content." I said.

Jared instantly starting laughing. "water for me please." He said.

The waitress double looked Jared. "Hey aren't you?"

"Yes I am, but could you do me a favor? Could you keep it between us? I don't really want a riot tonight." He said with the most charming smile. It was no wonder he could get whatever girl he wanted.

"As long as I can have your autograph." The waitress said in a girly voice.

"Sure." Janice handed him a pen and a small piece of paper. He signed it and then handed it back to her.

"Thank you so much! I love your band by the way." She said almost jumping up and down.

"Thank you." Jared smiled back at her. She made a little squealing sound and hopped away.

"Not drinking? I thought we were supposed to be drinking our blues away?" I asked him in a teasing voice.

"I don't really drink." He admitted sheepishly.

"Well tonight you do!"

"I can't Lana, I'm sorry." He told me.

"For me?" I gave him the puppy dog face. He sighed heavily.

"Alright, maybe just one." He gave in. The waitress came back and sat my drink in front of me. "Can I get one of those as well?" He asked her.

"Sure thing." She giggled and headed back to the bar.

"That's something I'll never get use to." I laughed.

"Whats that?" Jared asked.

"Being with someone who every one else freaks out over." I laughed a little.

"Nah, you get use to it. After a while you get bummed when you go somewhere and some one doesn't notice you." He laughed. "Speaking of which, how do you handle this so well?" He asked me.

"Handle what?" I asked confused.

"This," He said pointing his fingers at himself, "you're sitting at a bar with me, you dated Criss Angel, and not once did I see you act oddly about it."

I shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe it just hasn't hit me yet. I mean, its not every day that this," I pointed to him, "happens, maybe it hasn't sunk in all the way. Maybe I'm in denial."

"Or maybe you're just special." He smiled at me.

"Yea, obviously not." I mumbled as I took a sip of my drink. If I was so special, then Criss wouldn't have left me.

"Bullshit you aren't. Lana, I have never in my life met someone as down to earth and as laid back as you. You are very special." he gave me another smile, obviously trying to lighten the mood. I rolled my eyes and took another drink. He bit down on his lip and watched me, as if he was trying to figure out what I was really thinking. The waitress came and sat a glass in front of him.

"Honestly, I think most of it is because I know you guys are human too. I've always had that mind set. I don't look at famous people as exactly that, cause they aren't. Sure, millions of people know your name, but they only know your name, not you. I always try to look past names and look to the person themselves. Celebrities are human, just like me." I shrugged again,

"I guess that's why I'm fine with hanging around you, or the amazing Johnathan or Ted Nugent, or," I paused and swallowed hard, "Criss Angel," I shut my eyes tightly and tried to block him out, "it's cause you guys are all people too, cool ones at that." I grinned at him, trying to keep my mind from Criss.

"I'll drink to that!" Jared said. He grabbed his glass and held it out. I picked up mine and we clashed them together. We both took a swig, Jared placed his down back on the table and glanced over at me. "Whoa there, take it easy."

I placed my glass back on the table and looked at it. I hadn't even realized I had drank that much. Half of the glass was gone already. "Holy shit that's strong!" I yelled. "Rum and Coke, gotta love it!"

"Guess you don't mind what your drinking." Jared stated.

"No difference to me, as long as it gets the job done, and quickly." I said grabbing the glass again and finishing it off. I slammed the cup down on the table. Jared was laughing hard by then.

He turned to the waitress and put his arm in the air signaling her. She walked to the table. "We are going to need a few more of these." He told her trying not to laugh.

"Sure thing." She said. She turned around and headed back to the bar.

"So what are you doing in town anyways?" I asked him.

"Tomo's from Michigan, Detroit actually, he wanted to visit his family." he explained.

I squinted my eyes suspiciously at him. "Okay, you didn't have to go with him."

He looked down at the table and then back at me. "I wanted to come check on you. I heard about you and Criss and I wanted to make sure you were alright."

"Hmm, I'm fine. Its a little heartbreaking, but what can you do? We live in two different worlds, and I just don't fit into his." I said, looking down at my glass and sliding my finger in a circle around the rim.

"You don't really believe that shit do you?" He huffed a laugh. "Take it from me, being famous does not regulate who you have in your life, only you do." He told me.

"Yea, well, he made it very clear when he left that I meant nothing to him. That he didn't want me in his life."

"Then he's an idiot." He said in a serious tone. I flicked my eyes up to his, I didn't get it. Jared hardly knew me, but yet, he was so concerned about me. Concerned like a best friend should be. We stared at each other for a moment. The waitress placed four more drinks and three shot glasses in front of both of us, breaking our eye contact.

"On the house." She winked at Jared before flipping her hair and walking back to the bar. I grabbed one of my shots and raised it into the air, thankful that the waitress interrupted that awkward moment.

"And here's to feeling absolutely not a damn thing by the end of the night." I threw my head back, throwing the drink to the back of my throat and swallowing it. "Phew!" I yelled, slapping the shot glass back down.

"Shit, he really did a number on you didn't he." Jared said in an amusing tone.

I raised my eyebrows at him. "You have no idea." I said, before throwing back another shot.

"Seriously Lana, you need to take it down a notch, you're gonna wind up sicker than a dog." Jared told me. His warning suddenly knotted my stomach. The night I got drunk at the bar with Criss, he told me the same thing. He was convinced I was going to get sick, so he made me sleep it off at his hotel. I grabbed my last shot and tossed it down my throat. I picked up one of my glasses and chased the shot with it.

"Ill be fine, I don't get sick, I only get happy, and very forgetful, sometimes horny, but usually just drunk." We hadn't even been there a half an hour and I was already buzzed. I was starting to feel good. "And maybe, just maybe, by the end of the night, I wont even be able to remember who Criss Angel is."

Jareds face grew into a huge grin. "Wow, I see I'm going to have my hands full tonight."

I slapped my hand down on the table. "No! You're gonna have a great time tonight!" I laughed loudly.

He raised one of his shots in the air. "Here's to having a great time then!" He laughed and threw it up quickly, then slamming the glass back down. "But I get to cut you off when I think you've had enough."

"Is that right?" Raising an eyebrow at him, I grabbed my glass and placed it to my mouth. Hesitating long enough to give him a 'I don't think so' look, then I drank the rest of the cup.


	23. Escape

**Escape**

* * *

><p><em>Time to escape, the clutches of a name,<em>

_no this is not a game, its just a new beginning,_

_I don't believe in fate, but the bottom line,_

_its time to pay, you know you've got it coming._

_30 seconds to mars - Escape_

* * *

><p>I had lost count of how many drinks Jared and I had. The waitress never cut us off, knowing who Jared was, I'm sure she thought she could score brownie points if she gave him what he wanted. The night wound up turning into a contest to out drink each other. By the time closing time had come around, neither of us had a clue as to who won.<p>

We wound up leaving Jareds car at the bar; both of us were way to drunk to drive. Thank god my house was only a few blocks away. It was a cold night, but neither of us noticed due to our alcohol levels. I had no concept of time, but it felt like it took us hours to walk three blocks.

After our walk, which seemed to last forever, we finally made it to my house. It took me several minutes, using my cell phone for light, to unlock the front door. Jared and I were both leaning against the door when it swung open. It flew open and smashed into the wall and we both toppled over each other and fell to the ground, laughing hysterically as we attempted to get up. My cell phone flung out of my hands, and I had a feeling that it was going to take me hours to find it.

I took deep breaths to try and stop myself from laughing, so I could gather the strength to get off the floor. The door was still wide open and I was beginning to feel the cold air.

"Shh, Jared. Be quiet." I slapped my hand onto his chest. "I gotta tell you somethin, its important!" I said seriously. He instantly stopped laughing.

"What?" He asked and rolled his head sideways to look at me.

"I've fallen and I can't get up." I started laughing hysterically again, and Jared laughed right along with me.

We laid there for another minute or two laughing. Finally we managed to calm down enough to pull ourselves into a sitting position. Jared kicked the door with his foot so it would close and pulled himself up and stood next to me holding out his hand.

"C'mon." He laughed and stumbled backwards a few steps. I grabbed his hand to sturdy him before he fell back over. "I'm good." He laughed. I laughed at him harder.

"So much for that one drink huh?" I grinned up at him.

"It's your fault! I haven't had a drink in 4 years, and now here I am with you." He laughed as he joked with me.

I pulled myself up to my feet holding onto his hand. Somehow, I caught my foot on the other and started to fall back down; Jared pulled me back up before my knees hit the ground. "You good?" He asked me.

I shook my head yes and let go of his hands.

"I'm good." I said giving him the thumbs up. I took three steps before I tripped again. "Son of a bitch!" I screamed as my body hurtled toward the ground. Instead of feeling the floor break my fall, I heard a loud smack and felt a sudden sharp pain on my right temple, then I hit the ground; I was out cold.

"Lana!" I heard Jared calling, his voice was distant as I came to.

"Shit! Lana, wake up! Are you okay? Lana!" I opened my eyes to see Jared crouched over me, he was slapping my cheek lightly.

"What the hell just happened?" I asked him and tried to sit up.

"No, Lana, lay back down for a minute." He said and pushed my shoulders back down to the ground.

I rubbed my temple with my fingers. "What happened?" I asked him again.

"I have no idea. You were walking, next thing I know you went head first into the coat rack. Are you feeling okay?" He asked me.

I tried to sit up again, this time he let me. "I'm fine, my head fucking hurts now, but I'm good." I told him.

"You might have a concussion." He said as he helped me to my feet.

"Pphh, concussion, conshmusion." I replied. "Ill be fine. I do that shit all the time." I laughed as the alcohol took a hold of the situation again.

He took a seat on the couch as I walked to the bathroom. I knew that any moment I was going to pass out, and my little black dress wasn't the most comfortable thing to sleep in. Once I successfully made it into the bathroom, I shut the door and slid down it, taking a seat on the floor. I never realized how exhausting walking to another room while drunk could be. I closed my eyes for a second to regain my strength, and the next thing I knew Jared was pounding on the door.

"You didn't fall in did you? You've been in there for like fifteen minutes." Jared yelled through the door.

"Nope, I'm still dry. At least I think." I laughed."What time is it anyway?"

"Two twenty four." he answered back.

"Gimme another second." I called through the door to him.

I got to my feet, and leaned against my bathroom sink, checking out my reflection to make sure I wasn't a mess. I pulled out a wash cloth and wiped away some dried blood from my forehead, then dabbed at the large gash that was now an obvious battle wound. I made sure my makeup was at least decent before I opened the door and saw Jared leaning against the wall staring at me.

"If you want to stay here tonight you are more than welcome, I don't really want you driving this intoxicated. You can have the couch." I said to him. He just stood there staring at me. "Ill grab you some blankets." I stumbled into the living room. "Shit, blankets are thataway." I laughed.

When I turned to walk back I almost smacked right into Jared. I stumbled slightly; he caught me and steadied me. He placed his hands on both of my cheeks and gazed into my eyes.

Without warning, he threw his lips onto mine so fiercely that we backed up, slamming against a wall. I returned the kiss with the same amount of force, releasing every naughty thought I had all night and throwing it into the kiss. Our hands were tangled into each others hair, gripping onto handfuls at a time. We tore at each others lips, clawed at each others skin and practically ripped out each others hair.

He released his grip on my lips, pushed my head side ways and sunk his teeth lightly into my neck. I could feel his tongue making circles on my skin. I could feel the suction of his mouth as he bruised my skin with his lips. I tilted my head back to give him a wider range. He pushed his hips hard into mine, pushing me harder into the wall. I wanted him all over me, I wanted more than he was giving me.

He pulled away from my neck long enough to yank my dress over my head, making me feel a little embarrassed that this was the one night I decided to wear nothing underneath. He leaned back to get a better view and smiled widely, obviously he was okay with lack of undergarments.

His lips came crashing back down on mine. I liked these kisses, they weren't passionate and sweet like Criss', they were down right sexy, hungry, with a need for satisfying. I pushed him away, quickly pulled off his t shirt and pulled his lips back to mine. He moved his hips backwards, his lips were still glued to mine and I felt his hands move down to his jeans, I could hear him fumbling with his belt and zipper. He pressed his hips back into mine, I let out a whimper. His pants were still on, but the front of them weren't; I could feel him pressing into me.

He intertwined our fingers, slowly pulling them upward over my head, then slamming them against the wall. I was now completely pinned between him and the wall. He pulled away from my lips and moved back down to my neck. Instinctively I moved my head to the side exposing my skin more to him. I felt as if I were going to burst into flames. My lungs burned from my heavy and fast breathing, and the anticipation seemed to be eating me from the inside out.

I lifted my left leg and wrapped it around his waist. He Let go of my hand, moved his arm behind him and hooked it around my knee to hold up my leg. He kept one hand restrained above my head, between his hand and the wall, and continued to suck my already bruised neck. I took my newly freed hand and placed it back into his hair.

He pushed his hips slowly into mine, pulling on my leg, moving me forward into him, I felt the tip of him enter me. I cried out with pleasure and gripped tightly onto a chunk of his hair, I wanted him, I wanted all of him. His grip on my leg tightened as he slowly pushed himself all the way in. It felt so good, I opened my mouth to let out a moan, but my voice could not find its self and nothing came out. He pulled himself out and pushed back in harder. That time a whimper managed to escape my mouth.

Jared started to move faster; with every move, I let out a whimper. As they got faster, I let out a moan, as the got harder I let out a groan. Suddenly Jared bent his knees so his hips moved lower. He pushed upward, going as deep as he could. He did it again and again. I started screaming. I screamed until he was sure that both of us were at our peak. He gave one last hard push and the screaming stopped, the moaning stopped and was replaced with attempts to catch my breath. His grunting turned into groaning. He held me in place for a few minutes, letting our highs tamper off.

He released my leg slowly and backed away from me. I slid down the wall and sat on the floor, still trying to catch my breath. He kept backing away until he sat down on the couch, leaned back and threw his hands over his face. I looked up at him, not expecting what I saw. I figured he would be in awe, be happy, at least have a smile on his face. Instead, that smile was replaced with a shameful look and his hands trying to cover the shame.

"What did we just do?" He groaned.

He slid his hands down his face and then plopped them onto his lap. He looked down at his unbuckled pants and quickly did them back up.

"I'm sorry Lana, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. I shouldn't have done this! What the fuck was I thinking?" He yelled and threw his head back onto the couch.

"I guess I'm just not good enough for anyone." I huffed and threw my shirt back on. Jared lifted his head and stared at me.

"That's not it at all! You're more than good enough, it's just," he said.

"It's just what, Jared?" I demanded. He sat silently and looked at me. "Whatever, I guess Ill see you in the morning then." I sighed as I got off the floor.

Jared jumped up and grabbed my hand before I could walk away. "Lana, wait."

I turned to face him. "Jared, we are both very drunk, and I think you've said enough for one night. And frankly, I don't need another guy toying with me." I tried to turn and walk again but he had a firm grip on my wrist. "What!" I yelled.

"I shouldn't be doing this. You're Criss' girl. This is wrong." He said.

"Is that the problem? Really? Cause obviously I'm not. He left me and flew to the other side of the country. He didn't give a shit about me, and obviously he doesn't care who I date, cause I was never his girl in the first place! Just some girl to fool around with and keep him entertained while he was here. I'm no ones girl damn it!" I yelled. I could feel myself on the verge of crying. I was being rejected, again.

Suddenly Jared's lips were smashed against mine again. He took my face in his hands and kissed me passionately this time. I placed my hands on top of his as we stayed locked together. I pushed him backwards and we fell onto the couch. We never broke our kiss as I began to unzip his pants.


	24. Wide awake

**Wide Awake**

* * *

><p><em>I'm wide awake,<br>_

_Yea I was in the dark, I was falling hard, with an open heart,_

_How did I read the stars so wrong?_

_And now its clear to me, that everything you see aint always what it seems,_

_Yea I was dreaming for so long._

_I wish I knew then, what I know now,_

_Wouldn't dive in, wouldn't bow down,_

_Gravity hurts, you made it so sweet, till I woke up on the concrete._

_Katy Perry - Wide awake._

* * *

><p><strong>CPOV<strong>

It had been three weeks since I last saw Lana. I missed her so much. I had been hanging on by a thread since arriving back in Vegas. I didn't want to let her go, I wanted to ask her to come with me, to live with me in Vegas, but I couldn't do that to her.

I knew how much her family and friends back in Michigan meant to her. I couldn't ask her to give up everything and everyone she had known just to be with me, I couldn't be that selfish. I loved her too much to put her through that.

My stomach churned as I remembered what I had told her, how mean I was to her, and how incredibly hard it was to say those things and pretend I meant them. I tried my hardest to hold back my tears as JD, Costa and I flew back home. I didn't want them to know how badly I was hurting.

I had stayed up all night Saturday after the party thinking about what to do, and I realized I would rather have her hate me than sit around and wait for me to come back. If she thought it was over between us and that she meant nothing to me, then she wouldn't waste her life away waiting for me. If there was another choice I would have taken it.

It hurt me so badly to watch the pain on Lanas face as I said those nasty things to her. I wanted to reach out to her and tell her I meant none of it, that I really did love her, and that I wanted to take her with me. But I knew I couldn't, she had to believe I didn't want her. It was the only way she could move on with her life. She deserved so much better.

I stared at my phone as I twirled it around in my hand. For the past three hours I had been sitting on my couch, staring at my phone, contemplating if I should call her or not. I wondered what she was doing, who she was with, how she was coping. I wondered if she even missed me, or if she hated me. I hated myself.

I closed my eyes, trying to push away the hatred I felt creeping up on me. I hated myself for doing that to her, for saying that to her, and for hurting her the way I did. The last time I saw her face it was a face of heartbreak. I didn't want that to be the last image I had of her. I didn't want that to be the last memory she had of me.

I grabbed the t shirt that I had sitting next to me. Just a simple affliction t shirt, but it wasn't just a t shirt anymore, not to me. I never washed it from the night Lana wore it to bed. It smelt like her, like her sweet scented perfume, mixed with her body wash. I had been sleeping with the damn thing next to me every night, how pathetic was I? I smashed the t shirt into my face and took a big whiff, it was starting to smell like me again. I needed to put it away so it would keep her scent, forever.

I opened my eyes and began staring at my phone again. I had been holding myself back since I left. I didn't want to hurt her anymore, so I decided to stay away. If I wasn't around, she would eventually forget me and move on. But could I actually bare that? If I found out she had moved on, would I be able to handle it? Or would I give in and try to win her back?

I was tired of pushing myself away. I had buried myself in my work so much since arriving back home, that everyone actually told me to take a break. No, they didn't tell me, they forced me out and told me not to come back until I had a proper vacation, like I wasn't just away for an entire week.

It had been three days, and those entire three days, I've done nothing but eat at myself about Lana. I desperately wanted to get back to work. Work was the only thing that had been successful at taking my mind off her. I even got set up on a blind date. But the whole date I did nothing but think of Lana. I compared that poor girl to Lana in every aspect, and Lana came out on top every time.

Still staring at my phone, I finally caved. I sat forward and starting punching in the numbers to Lanas cell phone. I sat staring at the screen, trying to work up the guts to hit the send button. Do it! I yelled at myself. I hit the send button quickly before I could chicken out. I put the phone to my ear and waited. My heart started pounding harder with every ring.

It started to ring. Rang twice, three times, four times, five times, voicemail. "Hey Its Lana here!" Lana screamed into her voicemail message, she sounded drunk. And I could hear loud music and people in the background. Just the sound of her voice made my anxiety go down a little.

"And Jared LETO!" I quickly jumped to my feet, my heart hit the floor. What the hell was she doing with him? "And we are out and about" Lana said "Getting as drunk as we can" I heard Jared yell. "And trying to forget about the people who hurt us. So if you are one of them. This ones for you!" Lana screamed.

I heard something that sounded like swallowing and then a glass being slammed down on a table. Then I heard Lana scream "yeah" loudly. "If you're not one of them" Lana continued "Then I love you, and Ill call you back as soon as I'm sober." "And I love you all too!" I heard Jared yell in the background. Lana sounded more drunk than I had heard before. "At the tone, please leave a message." I jammed down the end call and threw my phone across the room, smashing it into pieces.

"Fuck!" I yelled.

What the hell was she doing with Jared Leto? She didn't even know him! And he knew she was with me. What? Did he wait till I left and then swoop right in? Lana was worried about being with typical guys, then she really got herself into a mess now. I've heard stories about him. And I was well aware of what Lana thought of him.

I expected her to move on eventually, but not with Jared Leto! I wanted her to find a normal guy to be with, a normal guy to make her happy. Not another celebrity to drag her back into the world that I fought so hard to keep her out of.

I sat down on the couch, dragging my hands through my hair and took a deep breath. "Calm down." I said to myself as I exhaled loudly. "You don't know the story, and you don't know what happened, you don't even know if anything did happen." I said out loud. I put my face in my hands and took another deep breath.

For all I knew, they ran into each other at the bar and started talking. But why wasn't she answering her phone then? She was obviously still awake. It was only around 2:30 her time. She would've just been getting home from the bars. Should I call her again? Or should I wait till morning? Or should I just not call back at all?

I looked down at the pieces of plastic and metal that littered the floor. Well, I guess calling her tonight was out. I guess that was a good thing, if I didn't find out something happened then I would have nothing to be upset about.

But if I didn't find out what happened, it would just eat away at me. I leaned back against the arm of the couch and closed my eyes, trying to calm myself and rationalize the situation.

* * *

><p><strong>LPOV<strong>

I woke up in my bed wearing nothing but a t shirt. My head was pounding and I felt like throwing up every where. I rolled over to look at the clock. Noon already! Good thing it was Saturday. No reason to freak out about the time. I had one hell of a week. I rolled over thinking about all the hang overs Id been having lately. I had more hang overs in the past month than I had in my entire life.

I tried to think further into it but my head hurt too much. I flung my blankets off me and strolled out towards the kitchen. The house was empty. My memory was starting to get very fuzzy lately. I use to be able to remember everything that happened while I was drunk. But lately, I couldn't remember much of anything. I did know one thing for sure. Jared was with me last night. I could've sworn I made him sleep on my couch. But where the hell was he? I glanced over to the living room when a yellow piece of paper caught my eye. I walked to it and picked it up.

_Lana,_

_I had a great time last night, I hate to run_

_out on you but Tomo needed me for some_

_things. I will call you tonight when we are_

_done. Miss you already._

_Love always,_

_Jared_

I could hardly remember anything last night. I remembered Jared calling me, asking me to go out with him. I remembered being at the bar, and ordering way too many drinks. I remembered getting piss drunk. Bits and pieces of our conversations. But once I got past the sixth drink, everything went black.

I shrugged and headed towards the kitchen. Must have been a good night if I couldn't remember much. I opened the fridge door looking for some breakfast. I couldn't recall the last time I had something to eat, and my stomach felt it. I whipped up some eggs and sausage and sat at the table. I tried to push my brain to remember most of last night, but it was hurting my head.

After I ate I headed to the bathroom and took a handful of aspirin. I knew I drank too much but drinking was my way out. Not only did I have a blast doing it. But most of the time I completely forgot about the past month of my life. I turned the shower on and hoped in. The scorching water felt great on my head. I sat in the shower for at least an hour, letting the hot water soak my head.

After I thought that I could think properly again, I shut the water off and got dressed. The cold air on my face was starting to make me light headed. My head started throbbing. So much for the shower, I thought. I wiped the fog from the mirror, that was when I noticed a large cut on my forehead. I leaned closer to the mirror to get a better look. I lightly traced my fingers around the wound. It was no wonder my head was hurting so bad. But I couldn't recall how I had gotten it. I gave up on the cut and headed to the living room.

I realized that I hadn't heard my phone going off the hook like normal. I couldn't remember what I had done with it. I sat down on the couch and tried my hardest to remember. My head hurt so bad I thought I was going to get a nose bleed. Just then my phone started to ring, I jumped off the couch and followed the ring tone. I had found it underneath the shoe rack in the hallway, but I didn't find it fast enough to answer the call coming through.

I sat down on the floor and went to see how many calls I had missed. 23! 23 missed calls! Holy shit, I thought. I scrolled through the list. Most of them were from Jo. I wondered how many hateful voicemails I had gotten from her. She always hated it when I didn't answer my phone.

I kept scrolling down and came to a dead stop on one missed call. Criss. My heart sank to my feet. Why would he call me now? After everything has been said and done? Why now? I was starting to panic. I could feel my head getting very heavy and it was getting difficult to breath. I leaned against the wall for support, and then it all went silent.

"Lana!" I heard Jo scream as I felt a smack across my face.

I instantly sat up. "What the hell?" I yelled.

"What the hell did you do Lana?" Jo screamed at me.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I looked at her confused.

"Lana, I've been trying to call you since yesterday morning to tell you I'm back in town, then last night, I get your new voicemail, involving lots of alcohol and Jared Leto! You don't answer any of my calls, you missed your hip hops performance and now I find you passed out on your entry way floor." She said angrily.

"Fuck! Their performance was this morning wasn't it!" I yelled. I felt like such an ass, how could I have done that to my class? They looked up to me so much, they depended on me, and I let them down.

"Don't worry, Marie covered for you. You owe her _big time!_" Jo exclaimed as she hoisted me up off the ground by my armpits. "What the fuck is going on with you Lana? Huh? What happened last night?" she demanded. There were very few times Id ever heard Jo this angry.

"I don't remember Jo. I blacked out for most of the night." I confessed.

Jo hung her head down and sighed. She looked back up at me and noticed the large gash across my forehead. She touched it lightly making me wince.

"Lana, things have gone too far." She looked me in the eyes closely. "You've got a concussion." She pinched the bridge of her nose, took a deep breath and let it out. "Lana, You've got to stop this. All this drinking, its not good. And it has many people worried, including me."

"Jo, I'm fine. Okay? I'll be fine. I'm just trying to get through this without completely losing my faith in everything. Okay? Yes I may drink a little more than normal, but once I get over this, I'll be fine. I promise."

Jo shook her head. "Lana, you go out almost every night, even on the weekdays. That's not normal!" She yelled. She sighed heavily. "Lana, this isn't what Criss wanted for you."

"Fuck Criss! He used me, he lied to me, and then he left me! He doesn't give a shit about me or how I'm handling things. So fuck him!" I screamed. I felt awful for screaming at Jo, after all, she was just trying to help, but I was tired of being treated like a kid. Ever since Criss left no one could look at me the same, like they were all waiting for me to crumble.

She studied my face for a minute, "Come on, lets get something for that cut and get you on the couch. You need to take it easy. Concussions aren't anything to mess with." She led me to the couch and headed to the kitchen for some ice.


	25. Vanilla twilight

**Vanilla twilight  
><strong>

* * *

><p><em>The silence isnt so bad, <em>

_Till I look at my hands and feel sad,  
><em>

_Cause the spaces between my fingers,_

_Are right where yours fit perfectly._

_Owl City - Vanilla twilight_

* * *

><p><strong>CPOV<strong>

As I sat at the table, surrounded by my crew, I hardly listened to a word being said. I found it hard to concentrate lately, at least on anything other than what to do about Lana. I missed her more than anything, and the ache in my heart was beginning to become unbearable.

The phone call from Jo a couple weeks ago really got to me; I didn't think Lana would go down hill like that. Of course I knew it wouldn't be easy for her, but I did not expect her to go the route she did. It had me very worried. I knew I had to do something, but what? I bit down on my nails as I thought of the conversation I had with Jo.

"Is Lana okay?" I panicked as I answered my phone.

"Not exactly." Jo said slowly.

"Oh my god, no, please god, no.. don't tell me she.." My eyes began to water. The worst possible thoughts running through my head.

"Oh no, no, shes fine, health wise. Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." Jo laughed slightly.

A rush of relief run through my veins. "Oh thank god!" I sat there for a few seconds, giving my heart a few seconds. "So, whats going on?" I asked her.

"Criss, you gotta do something." She sounded desperate.

"Do what?"

"She's losing it."

"Jo, I told you already, and everyone else. Lana can't be with me." I said.

"Criss you don't understand!"

"Jo! Just leave it alone." I yelled. "We've already talked about this, I can't be with her, she's better off without me, she deserves.."

"Something happened last night." Jo cut me off, making my heart hit the floor.

"What happened?" I gulped.

"I'm not exactly sure, but I tried calling her all night. She wasn't answering, I tried calling this morning, she still wasn't answering, so I went to her house to check on her." She paused.

"She was passed out on the floor." Jo sounded like she was about to cry. "She had a huge gash on her forehead, a concussion and she was passed the f out. She doesn't even remember how it happened. She doesn't remember a thing from last night."

A sudden urge to kill Leto was slowly creeping up on me. Not only was he hanging out with Lana, only god knew with what intentions, but he wasn't even taking care of her. How could he let her do that? How could he let her get that drunk, and then let her get hurt? I closed my eyes and bit down on my lip.

"Okay, what do you want me to do about it?" I asked between gritted teeth. Even though I wanted so badly to fly over there, to find Lana and knock some sense into her, I knew I couldn't. Her seeing me, especially right now, would only make things worse, for both of us.

"She needs you Criss. Last night isn't the worst of it."

"What do you mean? What else is going on?" How could it possibly get any worse than it already was?

"Criss," Jo sighed, "I'm not trying to make you feel bad, or be the bad guy, but you're the only one who can stop this."

"Tell me whats been going on." I demanded, getting really tired of her beating around the bush.

"It's a long story." Jo sighed.

I clenched my teeth together. "I've got time." I told her impatiently.

Jo sighed heavily. "She's been drinking a lot lately. Ever since you left. The first few days she locked herself in her house and wouldn't come out, she wouldn't talk to anyone, and from the looks of it, she didn't eat much either, she's lost at least ten pounds."

"When I Finally broke into her house I almost cried myself. She smashed everything she could, glass everywhere, holes in the walls and that wasn't the messiest part. _She _was a mess, and utter mess. It looked like she hadn't showered or anything since you left, she was balled up in the middle of the living room, surrounded by broken glass, and it took me hours to get her to say one word." She paused and tried to compose herself.

"She hasn't been showing up for work, she's on the verge of losing her job because she's out every night getting drunk. Now she's getting so drunk that she's blacking out every night and not remembering anything the next day. Criss, do something!"

"What do you want me to do Jo?" I yelled. "I can't do anything, I'm in Vegas, I can't just up and leave, I have shows to do every night. And its not like she would listen to me anyways, I'm the reason she's like this." I knew I was being hard on Jo, after all, she was just concerned for her best friend. But what Jo didn't realize, is that it was harder for me to hear about it and not be able to do anything than it was for her.

"You could at least call her, talk to her, try to talk some sense into her. I know you wanted her to move on, but I don't think she's ever going to get over you, and it's only going to get worse." Jo said quietly.

"And say what? _Hey, I'm sorry I left you and broke your heart. I know I'm the reason for all of this but could you please stop drinking and move on?_ I highly doubt that's going to work." I huffed. "Besides, I hear she's doing pretty well when it comes to moving on."

"What are you talking about?" Jo asked.

"I hear she's been hanging out with Jared Leto lately." I sneered.

"Ha!" She laughed. "Last night was the first time she's seen him since the concert. He was with her last night, I don't know where he is now." That surprised me, I figured he started showing up the minute I left.

"And what the hell? Are you jealous or something? You left her, Criss, remember? You wanted her to move on."

"Not with _Leto_." I told her. "The point to this was to keep her away from the spot light, let her live her life and not mine. Jared Leto isn't much different than Criss Angel."

"Criss, there's nothing going on with her and Jared." she sighed. "And I think her and Jared should be the least of your worries right now. Are you going to do something or not?" She was right. I was all worked up about Lana and Jared, that I didn't really stop to think of anything else. Lana was in big trouble.

"Jo, you and I have talked about this already. I love Lana, I care about her, more than I've ever cared about any other woman, but being with me will just tear her life apart. Me leaving was the best thing for her. She has the chance to live a normal life."

"Don't give me that horse shit!" Jo yelled. "I think you took the easy way out cause you couldn't handle the fact that for once, something wasn't handed to you. You had to actually try to make things work out between you two, and you knew it would be difficult for the both of you, so you bailed."

"That's where you're wrong. I knew it would be hard on us, which ever road we took. I chose this road because I knew the other route would tear Lana away from her family, and I didn't want to make her choose between me and her family." I tried to reason with her.

"You could have at least given her the option." Jo spat. "Shit, she's up. I gotta go." Jo whispered before hanging up.

I hadn't heard back from Jo since, which had me even more worried. If Lana was spiraling down hill that badly, then I screwed up. And if I didn't try to fix it, Id lose her forever, but maybe I didn't have to. Maybe I could bring her home with me. I knew how much she cherished her friends and family, but she could see them whenever she wanted to. I had my own jet. I would let her use it whenever she needed, as long as it meant that she would be with me and I could keep her safe. I didn't know why I hadn't thought of that a long time ago. Now the only problem was, what I had said to her, she was surely convinced I cared nothing about her.

I turned in my chair a little, trying to turn my attention back to the conversation when I caught a glimpse of a calendar on the wall. The date circled was February the 11th. Lanas birthday. My heart sank. I wondered what she would be doing tonight, I wondered if I should call her, wish her happy birthday. I knew I shouldn't, but I felt I needed to. I felt like if I didn't, then she would really think I didn't care about her. But I needed to figure out what I was going to do before I made any contact with her, and make the situation worse.

"Criss?" I snapped my head up at the sound of my name. "What do you think?" JD asked me.

I hadn't been paying attention, and I didn't want to have to sit there for another hour going through it again. "Yea, sounds good. How about we work out the details later?" I said, hoping they wouldn't notice I hadn't heard a word they said.

"You in a hurry to go some where?" JD asked.

"Not really, just got a bit of a headache right now." I lied and rubbed my forehead, attempting to make the lie a little more believable.

"Alright guys, we'll finish things up next week." They all got up, gathered up their papers and headed out of the room. I leaned back in my chair and exhaled, dragging my hands down my face.

"Something wrong Criss?" JD asked, Standing in front of me.

"I told you, I got a headache."

"Bullshit, Whats going on? Don't think I didn't notice how zoned out you were." He sighed and took a seat on the table in front of me, folding his hands across his lap.

"Is it dad?" he asked softly.

"What?" I asked baffled. Dad? I completely forgot. Tomorrow was the anniversary of my fathers death, the day he died in my arms. How could I have forgotten that? Lana, that's how. Never in my life had anything or anyone made me forget that awful day, and yet, somehow, without even being in Lanas presence, she still managed to make me forget. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing, or a bad thing.

"You forgot?" JD asked in utter surprise.

I sighed heavily. "She's got my head so fucking messed up." I mumbled to myself and rubbed my temples.

"Lana?" JD asked, still a bit confused as to what was going through my head. Sad thing was, I didn't even know.

"Come on Criss. Just tell me whats wrong."

"Today's Lanas birthday." I whispered. "And I completely forgot about dad. She's fucking with my head JD!" I snapped and slammed my fist on the table next to JD. JD looked at me fist and quietly got up to lean against the wall in front of me, obviously uncomfortable by my outburst.

"I just don't know what to do." I sighed. JD stayed silent for a moment, studying me, looking for the right thing to say.

"Criss, I think you need to talk to her man." He finally said. I looked at JD, a bit confused. Talk to her? That was his advise? JD hated Lana, and he seemed to think leaving her behind was the best decision I had ever made.

He chuckled at my confusion and folded his arms across his chest. "How about we talk about this later, we've gotta go or we're going to miss our plane."

I closed my eyes and sighed, yet another thing that had slipped my mind, New York. Since dads death, our family had gotten together every year on the anniversary to celebrate his life and remember him. I wasn't too found of these get togethers, considering my father died in my arms, and I had the hardest time getting over his death.

These family dinners always brought back the hurt I felt, and the emptiness in my heart from my fathers absence. But today was a bit different, because since I had met Lana, that emptiness in my heart didn't seem so empty anymore.


	26. Mirrors

**Mirrors**

* * *

><p><em>Cause I don't want to lose you now,<br>_

_I'm looking right at the other half of me,_

_The vacancy that sat in my heart,_

_Is a space that now you hold,_

_Show me how to fight for now,_

_And I tell you baby,  
><em>

_It was easy coming back into you once I figured it out._

_You were right here all along,_

_Its like you're my mirror, my mirror staring back at me,_

_I couldn't get any bigger with anyone else beside of me._

_Justin Timberlake - Mirrors._

* * *

><p><strong>CPOV<strong>

I held onto my mom's shoulders as she sniffled and wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. It was always hard on mom when we came to my fathers grave. Even though it had been fourteen years since my father passed, my mother cried every time we came to his grave.

She crouched down, placing the bouquet of flowers on the ground in front of his head stone, and began to trace the engraving on the stone. My brothers and I watched silently as she began to brush away snow from the bottom of the grave and attempted to silence her cries. My mom knew how much my brothers and I missed our father, so she tried very hard to control her feelings while we were around. We all tried to reassure her that her it was okay to cry, and that we were there for her whenever she needed someone to talk to, but my mother was a very stubborn person, so she usually kept her feelings to herself. But every year, on this day, she couldn't hold back her tears.

We all missed my father, dearly. The pain of losing someone so important to you never really went away, but it did get better as the years passed. But the need for someone never ceased, I always felt my father advise was always words to follow. I could have really used my fathers advise right now. He always knew what to say, no matter what the situation, and he was usually right.

"Are you guys ready?" Ma asked as she sniffled again and pushed herself to her feet. Costa hooked his arm with hers and lead the way back to their car.

"You coming Christopher?" Ma turned and asked when she noticed I hadn't followed behind them.

"Go ahead and head back, I'll catch up with you guys." I called back to her, trying not to let her see that my face was beginning to turned red as I tried to hold back my own tears. She gave a little smile and nodded as if she completely understood what I was thinking, which I'm sure she did, my mother knew me better than almost anyone.

"Just make sure you're back by four, dinner should be ready by five." she said and closed the car door. I stood still, staring at my fathers grave, the tension growing in my shoulders, until I heard the car pull away. I slumped my shoulders and released my breath that I hadn't noticed I was holding. I felt a tear run down my cheek as I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"Hey dad, I know I haven't been here lately, I'm sorry," I sighed, opened my eyes and looked at his grave stone. "Truth is dad, I could really use your advise right now." I took another deep breath, crouched down next to his grave and began brushing at the snow.

"There's this girl, and I.." my voice began to crack, "I'm in love with her dad. She means everything to me. She's everything I've ever wanted in a girl, she's smart and funny, and absolutely gorgeous. She's got the most amazing smile, one that could put you flat on your back. And she's stubborn," I laughed, "You would have loved her dad. She's amazing! She's the type of girl that you always wanted me to fall in love with and I think you two would have gotten along perfectly." I sighed, rested my forearms on my knees and stared at his stone.

"But I screwed it up. I said some awful things to her and now she hates me. And the worst part is that she's throwing her life away because of what I did. I thought I was doing the right thing by letting her go. You know how this life can be, the fame, I thought I was saving her from having to go through the torture of this life style, but I think I made the wrong choice."

"She's all I can think about. No matter what I do, I just can't stop thinking about her. I don't know what to do." I huffed a laugh at myself and wiped away a tear. "God dad, I really need your help right now. Just tell me what to do."

"Criss?" I jumped to my feet and spun around as a quiet voice called my name.

"JoAnn? What are you doing here?" I asked. I took notice of her black business suit and the flowers she held in her hand. She gave me a tiny smile as she approached where I stood. She leaned down and placed the flowers in front of my dads grave and then stood next to me.

"I'm sorry if I startled you. I wanted to pay my respects, I didn't know you'd be here." she said. She looked at my fathers grave and continued. "I couldn't help but over hear." My face began to turn red with embarrassment.

"How much did you hear?" I asked.

"More than I should have." she confessed. "I'm sorry, about Lana." she slowly turned her head and her eyes met with mine.

I had forgotten how beautiful her eyes were. At one point in time, years and years ago, those eyes would have had me in a trance, the way Lanas did now. All I could see in JoAnns eyes now were beauty and betrayal. It was funny how things changed the moment I met Lana. If I had met JoAnn here before I knew Lana, I probably would have screamed and yelled about JoAnns intrusion, now, things were different, everything was different. I didn't feel the anger towards JoAnn that I once felt, and I knew that my feelings toward JoAnn were nothing more than feelings of the past.

"How do you know about her?" I snapped, a little more harshly than I intended. Lately, I had been going on the major defense whenever it came to Lana.

"I spoke to you mother a few weeks ago. She told me about your new girlfriend. I'm sorry things didn't work out." her voice softened and she took a step back. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to intrude, you know I still care for you Criss. Regardless of what happened between us. We've known each other for so long, Ill never stop caring about what happens to you."

Her confession took me off guard for a moment. As much as I hated it, she was right, I had known JoAnn since high school, she was my first love, my first wife, and my first heart break. I knew I'd always care for her, even though she put me through hell with our divorce. But I didn't want to think about that, not now, not ever. I had finally met my soul mate, Lana, and I had lost her too. All I wanted to think about now was a way to get Lana back into my life, and to keep her there, forever.

"I know." I sighed. We stood in silence for a few minutes before it became too uncomfortable. "I should be going." I said and turned to walk to my car.

"Criss?" JoAnn called to me. I stopped and turned to look at her.

"Yeah?"

"I know things haven't been perfect between us, in fact," she chuckled, "sometimes they were down right shitty. But I just wanted to say, don't let her go. If she's truly the one for you, then you should fight for her. You deserve to be happy."

I gave her the best smile I could muster up, which wasn't a very big one, and nodded once. "Thanks."

* * *

><p>"Wow Ma! This is great!" JD exclaimed as he shoved his spoon into his mouth.<p>

"Yea, this is some great food. Thank you for cooking Ma." I told her and leaned beside her to give her a kiss on the cheek. She patted my face and smiled as I settled back into my seat and followed JDs example.

"You know I love cooking for my boys. I'm just happy that all of you are here. I can hardly get all of you together at my house anymore." she sighed and began to cut her chicken into small pieces. "Ever since Criss started his show it seems we're always spending time in Vegas. Its nice to be back home with my family."

"I know Ma, I'm sorry. I didn't think things were going to be this time consuming when I signed the contract." I admitted. I felt guilty with how much time I had spent on my magic in the past ten years. At first, it was a way to take my mind of losing my dad. And then once things started to happen, I threw my everything into it, I wanted to make my father proud. Once things got going, it went fast, and it seemed like everything happened over night, but I really had no idea how much time it was going to take away from my family.

"Oh sweetie don't worry about it. I know you're busy with everything, and your father would be so proud of you. I wouldn't change anything for the world." Ma said.

"Actually," I blurted, "I have been thinking a lot about renegotiating my contract." The room went silent, apart from mouths chewing.

"Why?" Costa finally asked.

"I dunno," I shrugged and began picking at my plate, "I'm just realizing that my work is consuming my life. I'm getting older now, and I don't want to look back on my life and see that it was all wasted on work."

"I wouldn't consider it wasting Criss!" JD snapped. "You've worked hard to get where you're at Criss, don't screw it up now!"

"JD, not at the dinner table." Mom interjected.

"This is about Lana? Isn't it?" JD sneered.

"JD!" Mom yelled.

"No! She's not even here anymore and shes still screwing with his head." JD continued, turning his attention fully on me, "she's bad news Criss! All she's done is screw with you and made you make stupid decisions. You need to get over this shit and get your head back in the game."

"To an extent, JD's right Criss. You haven't exactly been yourself lately. You need to figure out what you're doing and get it done." Costa added.

"What is this? An intervention?" I snapped and threw my napkin onto the table.

"Hunny, we're just worried about you." Mom said in her soft tone voice.

"I'm fine guys, really, I'm fine." I rolled my eyes.

"Really?" Mom said and reached over the table to place her hand on top of mine. "Christopher," she sighed, "I know you better than you know yourself, and I know you're not fine." I glared at mom and sighed. Mom sighed in frustration at my silence, she knew I wasn't going to back down.

"Boys, give me a minute with your brother?" Mom asked.

"I seemed to have lost my appetite anyways." JD sneered and scooted from the table. Costa followed behind him as they walked into the other room.

"Don't worry about your brother, you know his temper." Mom reassured me before she began on her lecture. She placed her hand on top of mine.

"Christopher." she sighed. "Stop being so stupid!" She snapped. I could feel my jaw practically hit the floor with shock, it wasn't very often that ma said stuff like that. "I know you love her, Ive never seen you act like this over a break up, not even when you and JoAnn got divorced, so don't you dare sit there and tell me that's not true."

"Does it really matter how I feel? You know what this life is like. I can't put her through that, I _wont_ put her through that, and that's exactly why I'm doing this, because I love her and I don't want to hurt her." I attempted to explain.

"That's exactly what you're doing sweetheart. You're hurting her, by keeping yourself away from her. Trust me, I know what that feels like."

"Ma," I sighed, "it doesn't matter. After the things I said to her, she will never forgive me."

"You'd be surprised sweetie. When a woman is in love, her heart will forgive many things." she smiled at me and gave my hand a squeeze. "The point is, you love her, and you care for her. You need to at least try, you cant give up on her so easily. And if your father was here, he would tell you the exact same thing."

I felt a tear slowly trickle down my cheek. Ma was right, that is exactly what my dad would say, and in a way, it felt like dad was speaking through mom. I smiled at her and nodded once. I had to try, I couldn't live the rest of my life without knowing I at least tried. And I would try until my feet gave out and I had nothing left to give, because Lana was the love of my life. And without her love, I had no life.

"I want to give you something." Ma said as she got up from the table and led me to her bedroom. She took a seat on the edge of her bed and pulled something out of her night stand. I took a seat next to her as she handed me the most beautiful ring I had ever seen.

"This was your grandmothers. She gave it to your father to give to me, and now Im giving it to you." she held up her hand to stop my protest. "Im not saying you have to marry this girl, now or even in the future, but I have a feeling you will do what you feel is right. I know you love this girl Christopher, and I know what it looks like when you've found the one. You definitely have the look. Now go to her, and make her understand."

She smiled at me as I eyed the ring. I was already beginning to picture it on Lanas finger. The white gold would blend perfectly with her pale skin and the round diamond would be the perfect cut for her, knowing full well she didn't like big gaudy jewelry. And as I twirled the ring around in my fingers, watching the light reflect rainbows from the shine, I began to get butterflies in my stomach.


	27. Hearts a mess

**Hearts a mess  
><strong>

* * *

><p><em>Love ain't fair, <em>

_So there you are, my love._

_Your hearts a mess,  
><em>

_You wont admit to it,_

_It makes no sense, _

_But I'm desperate to connect,_

_And you, you cant live like this._

_Gotye - Hearts a mess_

* * *

><p>"So you still don't remember anything that happened that night?" Jared asked me as he took a sip of his coffee.<p>

"No, why? Did I do something stupid?" I asked him, setting down my coffee cup and glaring at him. He refused to tell me anything about that night, claiming he didn't remember it either, which I knew was bull, simply because he kept bringing up the fact that I couldn't remember.

But Jared was one stubborn man, and I knew I wasn't getting anything out of him unless he volunteered the info, although, I could always torture it out of him. I laughed to myself when I realized how much Jared would probably like that. I had been spending a lot of time with Jared lately. And I was surely getting to know his dark side.

He shook his head. "No, I was just wondering, just kind of odd that you don't remember anything."

"Well you don't remember most of it." I said. As hard as I tried, I couldn't remember a thing from that night. The last thing I remembered was getting to the bar and ordering coke and rum. The rest of the night was completely blank.

"Yea, but that's because I never drink. I still cant believe you got me to drink, ruined my four year streak." he grinned up at me from his cup as he took another sip.

"Yea, sorry about that, I can be a pain in the ass cant I?" I smirked at him, trying to hide my guilt about ruining his streak.

"That you can." He gave me his charming smile, the one that melted my insides every time I saw it.

I did feel pretty bad about getting him drunk. Jared always seemed to laugh it off as no big deal, but it never made me feel better. From what I knew of Jareds past, he got into some crazy shit, heavy drinking, and a lot of drug usage as well. Jared seemed to have a past exactly like mine, crazy ass teenager who took the wrong path and was lucky enough to come out of it unscathed. Maybe that was why we seemed to get along so well, and why our friendship only got stronger by the day.

After the night that we both got trashed, I think Jared became aware of my problem. He realized that I was an utter mess, and although the physical attraction between us was undeniable, we never acted on it. At first, before our bond got so tight, I knew he was looking out for me. Jared knew what happened between Criss and I, and he also knew that my family had been, lets just say, less appreciative of my situation.

So to Jared, he felt like he needed to stick around, to make sure I stayed on track and didn't let my break up ruin me, and I wondered if that had a lot to do with his past, seeming how he knew how easy it was to let yourself make the wrong decisions in times of heartache. But I think his obligation to me ended once we both realized how much we really had in common. That was my theory anyway.

I had come to the conclusion that Jared was good for me. After the night neither of us seemed to remember, my drinking had calmed down quite a bit. Jared wasn't a drinker, and although he never straight up said, he seemed to frown upon getting wasted. As Jared and I got closer, I began to not only not feel the need to drink so much, but I also began to feel as if I was disappointing him every time I took a sip of anything that contained alcohol.

Granted, I did drink every now and then, usually when Jared was out of town. I knew it wasn't right to substitute one man for another, but Jared made my pain bearable. And whenever he left town, it felt like the scar on my heart tore open all over again. But needless to say, I usually didn't mention my drinking while he was away to him.

"Besides, I remember enough of that night to know we had fun." he said, breaking me away from my thoughts. I watched a funny look come across his face as he stared at me.

"Whats that supposed to mean? Something happened didn't it? Did I get into another fist fight?" I smacked my hand against my forehead. Sometimes it really was a curse to be so outspoken and hotheaded.

He laughed loudly. "Another?" he glared at me with amusement on his face. "no, although that might have been a sight to see." he smiled, "nothing happened, it was just a fun night, hanging out with you. I like hanging with you." I felt myself blush slightly.

"Well I like hanging out with you too Mr. Leto." I smiled back at him.

"Which brings me to my sad story bit," he cleared his throat and set down his coffee cup, "I'm leaving tomorrow. We're starting our Europe tour, I wont be back for a couple of months." he watched for my reaction.

"That's great Jared! I know how much you love touring." I smiled as best I could, and tried my damnedest not to show my disappointment. He was leaving me?

My heart sank. I didn't want him to leave. Ever since Criss had left me, Jared seemed to be the one who made me whole again. When we were younger, Jo was usually the one who made me better, but since she and Sully started dating, she hasn't stayed home for more than three days in a row.

Jared had pretty much spent the past six weeks sporadically coming to visit. Always with some excuse as to why he was in town, only once did he admit that he came to see me. I guess that was a perk about being rich and famous, you could go anywhere you wanted, whenever you wanted. There was even a couple of times that he stayed a week at my place with me. On the couch of course.

Our relationship wasn't romantic, not that neither of us didn't want that. But we both knew that it was too soon after Criss and I had split. And we both knew that so much as sleeping together would complicate things further than they needed to be. He was more of my best friend now. He was always there for me when no one else was, and he was always the shoulder I would cry on. Even when he wasn't in town, I would call him if I was having a bad day, and he would always answer my call. Sometimes we would sit on the phone for hours. And each call I made to him, I always felt better by the end of it. I liked to think of him as my rock.

"So you're leaving me huh?" I looked down and tried to turn my comment into a joke, although we both knew full well how disappointed I was.

"I would never!"He lifted my chin and smiled, "here's the kicker, you can come with us, if you want."

My heart skipped a beat. "What?" I asked, almost in shock.

"You ever been to Europe? Its so beautiful that I cant even explain it." He said, a little too excited.

I didn't know what to think. Of course I knew the answer was no, I couldn't just up and leave for Europe, I had responsibilities. But I couldn't help but think that maybe, if I had met Jared before Criss, none of this would have happened. Criss never offered me to go to Vegas with him, but then again, Jared actually cared about me, Criss, obviously didn't.

I smiled at him lightly. "I cant." I said as my face crumbled.

"Yes you can. All you have to do is say yes. Everything will be taken care of. Private jet, tour bus, hotels are paid for, I could even get you your own room if you really wanted." He begged. I couldn't help but hear a hint of sadness when he mentioned separate rooms. "Come on Lana, please, I really want you to come with me." He said and placed his hand on top of mine, staring into my eyes. My god did he have some killer blue eyes. How in the world had I resisted fucking the shit out of him for this long?

I mentally slapped myself, preventing my mind from going places they sure as hell didnt need to be. I sighed and looked back at him, studying his face, he really did want me to go.

"I cant Jared, you know I would love to! But I have obligations here, I cant just up and leave. I really wish I could, but I just cant. I'm sorry." I frowned.

"Okay." he sighed in defeat. "But the offer still stands, up until the second we leave. You let me know if you change your mind, because I really would love for you to come." he said, the disappointment very clear in his eyes.

"So you're gonna miss my birthday party." I frowned, trying to change the subject.

"Hey I'm here right now aren't I? And correct me if I'm wrong but, today is your birthday, right?" He smiled.

"Yes it is." I smiled back and took a sip of my coffee. Some birthday, Criss wasn't here, and Jared was leaving me tomorrow. Jo was off with Sully, and I hadn't really talked to my family lately.

"Well happy birthday, my birthday girl. What do you want to do today?" He said a little more chipper. I looked up at him a little confused.

"I thought we were just planning to stay in for the day?" I told him. What did he have up his sleeve?

"Well, that was the plan, but c'mon Lana. I know you too well now, and I can see just from your face and your voice." He said, but I had no clue what he was talking about.

He sighed after taking in my still confused expression. "I can tell you're hurting. I can see it in your eyes. Im sorry Lana. If I upset you, I didnt mean to."

"No, Jared. Its not you. Well, kinda, I mean, obviously I dont want you to leave, but I understand you have to go. I just wish things didnt have to be this way."

"What do you mean?" he asked, now being the confused one.

"I mean, everything," I started after taking the last sip of coffee and placing it onto the table, shoving it away.

"Explain..."

"Everything. Just, everything. You, Jo, my family, Criss," I gulped at the last name that came out of my mouth, I didn't like saying his name out loud, it hurt too much. I pushed from the table and walked to the sink and began rinsing out my cup.

"I just wish I never met him, ya know?" I said as I stared out the kitchen window. "Things would have been so much easier if I had never met him. My life would be back to normal and I wouldn't be so messed up, so" I sighed, looking for the right word, "broken."

"Lana," Jared sighed and stood in front of me, leaning his elbow onto the counter, "I don't."

I looked over at him puzzled. So he's okay with what I went through? He was okay with the fact that Criss used me and then threw me overboard?

"If you hadn't met Criss, then I wouldn't have met you. And I'm more than glad that I met you. Otherwise, I would have some other messed up and broken brunette trying to get into my pants." He explained and joked. I gasped at his comment and looked over at him.

"That's right, don't think I haven't noticed the way you look at me, the way you undress me with your eyes. I know whats going on in that head of yours." he joked some more.

"Shut up." I laughed and playfully punched his shoulder.

"Come on," he laughed as he dodged my punch and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, "lets get out of here and find something fun to do, no more pitty parties, got it?"

"Got it." I laughed.

"By the way, I normally wouldn't let a girl as messed up and as broke as you get into my pants, but for you, Ill make an exception." he joked as we headed to the door.

"I feel so privileged." I laughed and rolled my eyes. I was really going to miss him.


	28. Lullaby

**Lullaby**

* * *

><p><em>I'm telling you that, its never that bad,<em>

_Take it from someone whos been where you're at,_

_laid out on the floor and you're not sure, you can take this anymore._

_So just give me one more try to a lullaby,_

_And turn this up on the radio._

_If you can hear me now, I'm reaching out,_

_To let you know that you're not alone._

_And if you cant tell, I'm scared as hell,_

_Cause I cant get you on the telephone._

_So just close your eyes, hunny here comes a lullaby, your very own lullaby._

_ Nickelback - Lullaby_

* * *

><p><strong>CPOV<strong>

My anxiety was growing quickly as I sat in my jet, waiting to arrive in Jackson. I didn't have a plan, I had no clue what I was going to say to Lana once I got there, I just knew I couldn't wait to have her in my arms again, where she belonged.

I had talked to Jo an hour before, needless to say, she was ecstatic that I was on my way, and she promised not to tell Lana I was coming. I wasn't too thrilled to find out that they were at the club, and Lana was already wasted, but it didn't matter. What mattered was that I was going to get her back, once and for all.

It didn't take as long as I thought to drive to the club and locate Lana. When I finally found her, she was on the dance floor with some guy, which I felt like breaking his neck for putting his hands on her. I met up with Jo and she led me to their table, where I waited and watched Lana dance. Every second I watched her dance with that guy, my anger grew more and more. When Lana finally approached the table she didn't even notice me, she walked straight to Jo and sat on her lap.

"I love you so much Jo!" She yelled happily over the music and kissed Jos cheek. Jo cleared her throat and nudged her chin in my direction.

"I love you too Lana. Um, someones here to see you."

"Really?" Lana squealed, "is it Jared?" I clenched my teeth and shut my eyes tightly, trying not to let that take me over the edge. I deserved that, after what I did to her, I couldn't expect any less.

"Um, no." Jo cleared her throat again. Lana finally looked over in my direction, when she noticed me she squealed with joy and ran over to me.

"Criss!" She yelled as she jumped onto my lap and gave me a tight hug. "I'm so glad you're here."

Something was up, I didn't know what, but there was no way Lana was going to be this excited to see me, not after what happened between us. The Lana I knew would have immediately walked away in a fit of rage, and maybe even slapped me across the face, but she definitely wouldn't have crawled onto my lap and been excited to see me.

I looked past Lanas shoulder and over at Jo. "Whats going on?" I snapped a little too harshly. Jo looked almost as baffled as I did.

"I.. don't.. know.." Jo said as she glared at Lana in confusion. "Shes been acting funny for the past couple of hours, but this puts the icing on the cake." she said without taking her eyes away from Lana, who was now straddling me and trying to unbuckle my pants.

"Lana, what the hell is going on?" I asked in confusion. I grabbed her hands and pulled them away from my pants.

"I missed you, Criss" Lana whispered into my ear. "Lets go have a quickie in the bathroom." Lana giggled, almost felling off my lap. I caught her around the waist and set her down next to me. Taking her face in my hands, I looked into her eyes.

"You're drunk." I noticed. But something else seemed off.

"And then some." She giggled. Had she taken something?

"What did you take?" I asked her in a firm voice while I studied her eyes. Her pupils were so dilated that you could hardly see her beautiful blue irises. Jo came to stand behind me, examining Lana as well.

"Nothing." she mumbled and smacked my hands away, then looked to the ground.

"Bullshit." I snapped.

"She took something." Jo stated behind me.

"How do you know? What did she take?" I looked over my shoulder at her.

"I don't know what she took, but I'm a nurse, remember?" Jo reminded me.

"You didn't see her take anything?" I asked.

"No, if she took something, she was pretty slick about it, Ive been keeping a pretty good eye on her all night." Jo explained.

"Criss! I love you!" Lana blurted, suddenly back to her peppy mood and once again trying to climb onto my lap.

"Alright." I groaned as I pulled Lana up to her feet. "You're coming with me."

"What should I do?" Jo asked, almost in a panicked tone.

"Nothing yet, Ill be right back." I told her and pulled Lana behind me as I searched for a bathroom. Thankfully, I managed to find a private bathroom. I dragged her in with me and slammed the door, making sure the lock was in place before I turned to interrogate her.

"What did you take?" I yelled.

"Nothing." she mumbled quietly and attempted to move around me for the door.

"Oh no, you're not going any where until you tell me what you took." I stepped back in front of her, backing her against the wall.

"Criss I didn't take anything!" She snapped and once again tried to side step me. I grabbed her wrist and spun her around, trapping her in between the wall and my body. "Why are you even here?" she hissed.

"Because I love you! That's why! Now what did you take?" I snapped back.

"Are you kidding me?" she snorted. "You don't fucking love me! You made that perfectly clear when you left me!"

"God damn it Lana! What.. the fuck.. did you take?" I yelled, ignoring her ignorance. If I didn't love her, then I wouldn't have been there at all, let alone trying to save her life. She bit down on her lip and refused to look me in the eyes.

"Okay fine. Was it lsd?" I watched her face. "No. Okay, ecstasy?" She closed her eyes and sighed. "So its ecstasy? Really? You took ecstasy? Why the fuck would you take that shit Lana?"

I released her wrists and took a step back, suddenly filled with rage and no idea what to do with the her. Had I fucked her up that badly? Had I pushed her into taking drugs as a way to forget about the pain I left her with? Was this all my fault? She stood there silently, staring at the floor, her face looked broken, as if she was trying to hold it together. My frustration began to become intolerable with her silence.

She shrugged. "Its not a big deal." she mumbled.

"Excuse me?" I snapped. "Not a big deal? Seriously? I think its a very big fucking deal!" I yelled. She looked uncomfortable by my yelling, but I didn't care, I was severely angry by that point.

"You do know that shit can kill you right?" I snapped. "Is that what you're trying to do? Kill yourself?" I yelled. She stayed silent. "Is this your way of getting back at me? I don't understand Lana! Explain it to me!"

She stood silently and leaned against the wall, staring down at the floor. I sighed in frustration.

"Who gave it to you?" I asked between gritted teeth.

"Why should I tell you?" She snapped.

"Because if you don't tell me, when I find out who gave it to you, and trust me I will, I wont just kick his ass, Ill kill him." I threatened. And I wasn't joking, if I found out who gave it to her, they were going to wish they were dead. They were messing with Lanas life, with the girl I loves life, and no one did that. Not now, not ever.

"What does it matter? No one cares about me, my family hates me, my friends have someone better, James is dead, Jared left me to go on tour, and you're off in Vegas screwing some blonde. No one wants me anymore, I'm just not good enough. I fuck everything up." She crumbled to the floor and began sobbing into her hands.

I crouched down beside her and rubbed her back. "Lana, I care." I whispered.

She sniffled and looked up at me, her mascara running down her cheeks. "I just wanted to forget." she mumbled. "Just for a few hours. Forget about everything, about James, about my family, my friends," she sniffled again and looked into my eyes, "about you."

"Lana," I sighed, "I'm so sorry I did this to you. I love you more than anything, and you have no idea how much I hate myself for hurting you like this."

She chuckled. "If only that were the truth. If only Criss really did feel that way." she leaned her head against the wall and sniffled.

"Lana, that is how I feel." I told her, a bit confused as to why she was speaking as if I wasnt there.

"Ha, yea, I bet he does."

"I do. Why are you talking like I'm not even here?" I finally asked.

"Oh Criss," she looked up at me and placed her hand against my cheek. That simple touch made my skin feel like it was on fire, I had waited so long to feel her skin again, to see her look at me this way. "My Christopher, it's because you're not."

I placed my hand on top of hers. "Lana, Im right here." I said with confusion.

"No you're not. These drugs must be pretty damn good, you feel so real." she said as she rubbed her thumb across my cheek.

"Lana, Im not a hallucination, Im really here." I interjected.

"I wish you really were here, cause then Id be able to tell you how I really feel," she began, completely ignoring me. "tell you everything I should have told you before, but couldn't. Like how much I love you. That Ive never loved anyone more than I love you. That before I met you, I didn't know love could be as strong as this, or make me feel like this." She rambled.

"Lana, I.."

"Shhh." She placed her finger onto my lips. "Let me finish. I know Ill never be able to say this to you in person, so please, let me say this now, even if you're not really here, I need to get this out." I rolled my eyes at her, but decided to let her say what she needed to say.

"My entire life, I always felt alone, like no one really truly cared about me. I always felt like I was a nuisance to everyone, and after what happened with James, well, needless to say, it only got worse. I had little reason to live, and why I didn't take my life years ago, I don't know. But then I met you, and I realized that everything I had gone through, all the shit and all the years of feeling worthless, I went through that so I could find you."

"Everything in my life made sense when I met you. And no matter what I went through, it didn't hurt as much when I was with you. You made me complete, my heart no longer felt empty. And you were the best person I knew. You were there when I needed you, and nothing scared you away. No matter what, you were there to hold me whenever I needed you. I miss that." she sighed and looked to the floor.

My heart hurt so much by her words. I had no idea that she felt that strongly about me, and now I felt even worse for leaving her the way I did. This girl, this broken and crumpled up girl that sat in front of me, I created that. I mended her heart, only to smash it into smaller pieces than it had been before. And I absolutely hated myself for it. I needed to make it right again. Not just needed to, I _had_ to make it right again.

"Wow, I don't even know what to say." I mumbled, truly having no idea of what to say.

"Pfftt!" she pursed her lips as she stood up, her somber mood suddenly completely gone. "Hallucinations dont usually have much to say, specially mussy stuff. So," she cleared her throat as I stood up next to her, "what do you say we get back to the party? I'm feeling super sexy and Ive had enough of the melodrama." she laughed and attempted to make her way to the bathroom door.

"Shit! Lana!" I yelled in attempt to catch her before she hit the floor.

It happened so fast that I didn't have any time to react. One minute Lana was bouncy, happy and ready to go dance some more, the next, she had hit the wall and tumbled to the floor, making me cringe when I heard her head smack against the tile floor. I quickly slid across the tile on my knees and picked up her head, holding it in my lap.

"Lana! Lana! Wake up! Cmon baby! Wake up. Don't do this to me." I yelled as I lightly tapped her cheeks. She was completely unconscious, her head flopping back and forth across my leg as I tried so hard to wake her up. Her body began to convulse violently just as Jo had managed to kick open the door.

"Jo! Help me!" I screamed in panic as Jo looked down at us in shock. I looked up at her helplessly. I had no idea what was happening or what to do.

"Shit!" Jo yelled while she pulled her belt away from her jeans, then placed it into Lanas mouth. "Hold her mouth shut, do not let it open, and roll her onto her side in case she throws up." she ordered as she quickly dialed 911.

"Hi, I need an ambulance. Yes, that's correct. My friend is having a seizure. Yes, I already did that. Yea, I know, I'm a nurse, now please, just get that ambulance here, and fast." Jo barked into the phone while she conversated with the operator. She snapped her phone shut and got to her knees beside me, giving me an uneasy sympathetic and panicked look before she leaned over Lana.

"Its alright Lana. The ambulance is on its way. Just hang in there baby girl." she told Lana as she tried to hold her convulsing body still. "Shes burning up. Criss, hold her down as best you can." she ordered. I put some pressure onto her body as best I could without hurting her.

And that was when I felt it, the panic, the rage, the ungodly fear, the confusion. And I began to sob heavily as my body lay over Lanas. Jo came back and placed a cold paper towel on Lanas forehead. Finally, Lanas body went limp. Jo sighed with relief and I began to cry harder. How the hell could I have let this happen?


	29. Not gonna argue

**Not gonna argue  
><strong>

* * *

><p><em>I'm not gonna argue with ya honey, <em>

_You have the most blue perceptive eyes,_

_Not gonna argue with ya darlin', _

_I wouldn't wrestle with an angel in the sky._

_I don't care who wins the moment, I don't care who wins the day,_

_I don't care if I'm defeated,_

_I was wrong, you're right, come home tonight._

_I'm not gonna argue with you honey, _

_It's been a long road that got us here,_

_I'm not gonna argue with you darlin', _

_I'm gonna love you through the best and worst of years._

_Alexander Fairchild - Not gonna argue._

* * *

><p>"Lana?" A faint voice whispered as my eyes slowly fluttered open.<p>

"Where am I?" I crocked, not too impressed by how my voice sounded so raspy.

"Shh, try not to talk. They had to insert a tube to help you breathe. Doctor said your throat may be sore for a couple of hours." Someone said off to my right.

"Doctor?" I asked, again sounding too raspy for my liking. I cleared my throat and looked beside me. My heart practically jumped from my chest when I finally caught sight of Criss sitting next to me, leaning so close that I didn't even have to reach out to touch him. His hand held mine as his thumb caressed my skin lightly.

"Criss?" I asked. Was this real?

"Shh, I'm here baby. I'm not going anywhere. Its okay." he cooed as he sat on the edge of his chair and began to rub my forehead.

My heart began to pound as I took in my surroundings. My head hurt and it was next to impossible to concentrate on anything. From what I could see, through my squinted eyes, I was in a hospital. The walls were plain white with light blue flowers lining the ceiling. I was surrounded by lots of machinery, most of it littered with wires, and I could hear a faint beeping, which sounded too much like a heart monitor. My pink birthday dress that I remembered putting on earlier, was now replaced by a ugly blue and white hospital gown. My left hand was pale and swollen from the I.V. that poked through the most awkward part of my hand.

"Criss, whats going on?" I began to panic.

"You're in the hospital. You're going to be fine." He reassured me.

"What happened?" I asked in utter confusion. First of all, why the hell was I sitting in a hospital bed? Did I really have that much to drink last night? I knew it wasn't uncommon for someone to get alcholol poisoning, but I had drank a lot in my heyday and never once wound up hospitalized. This was a first for me, and hopefully a last.

Secondly, I sure as hell didn't understand why Criss was sitting beside me, holding my hand and reassuring me like he cared, like what happened between us never happened. I wondered if Jo had called him and somehow sweet talked him into to coming back for my birthday. It would definitely be something she would do. But I would think that since Jo knew every gory detail of our 'break up' that she would think better of calling him and beckoning to him. Especially considering Jo knew full well that Criss had used me and then tossed me to the wolves. Either way, I knew Jo had at least something to do with it, and I reminded myself to yell at her when I saw her again.

"You scared the shit out of me! That's what! Oh my god Lana! I thought I lost you last night!" He exclaimed. "You don't remember last night?" He asked after he noticed my confusion.

I shook my head no. I couldn't remember a thing from the night before. The last thing I remembered was getting all prettied up in my bathroom with Jo, fully prepared for some birthday binge drinking. I remembered feeling so completely empty, since I didn't have Criss anymore, and Jared had left to go to Europe, Jo was the only person I had left. And even with Criss sitting beside my bed, and me not fully understanding the reasoning or the situation as to why he was here, I still felt like my heart was a solid rock. Why the hell was he here?

"You had a pretty bad night." He sighed and his face crumpled, almost as if he was in pain.

"Bad night, huh? And you would know this how?" I snapped. "You were there last night?" I asked sarcastically and rolled my eyes. I was pretty sure he wasn't. Why would he be? And why the hell was he here now?

"As a matter of fact I was!" he snapped back defensively.

My eyes grew wide in shock. He was there? Was he really there? Cause I couldn't recall being with him at all last night, or the past two months for that matter. I certainly remembered all the horrible things he said to me. And I damn well remember him watching me crumble in the snow, sobbing because he had basically told me I was nothing to him, nothing more than a play toy to keep him occupied while he was in Michigan.

I remembered how he made me feel like I was important to him, that he wanted a relationship with me, and how he gave me the best night of sex I had ever had in my entire life, only to throw me to the ground the next day. Oh yes, I remembered all those things. So forgive me if I was a little bitter and didn't believe that he was really with me last night. And I hoped I would forgive myself for what I was about to say to him.

I sat up slightly, supporting myself with my elbows and looked over at him. "Wait, did you say you thought you lost me? As in, you had me to begin with? Criss you left me! You left me balling my fucking eyes out, in the snow for shits sake! But you thought you lost me last night? You already lost me, the moment you walked away and left me out in the cold, quite literally I might add." I snapped at him. I listened as the heart monitor began to speed up, ironically matching my building rage.

"Lana. Im not gonna do this." he stated as he held his palms up in defeat. "Im not gonna argue with you."

I sighed in defeat and plopped back down onto the bed. "What happened last night?"

"You, um," he sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "You had a bad reaction." He said, purposely being vague.

"Bad reaction.. to what?" I asked, rubbing my eyes, attempting to sooth my excruciating headache.

"Ecstasy." he mumbled.

"What!" I shouted, sitting up again and looking over at him in disbelief. "Ecstasy? Come on, I would never take that shi..." I stopped as my brain began to unfold the memories of last night. Suddenly, I felt like a complete idiot! Ecstasy? Really? I was that stupid? Wow.

I remembered being on the verge of breaking into tears most of the day. And while Jo and I chatted away in my bathroom, almost as if life was back to normal, I remembered putting on the best fake smile I had ever gotten myself to muster. I remembered feeling lonely and so heartbroken, that the minute Jo and I got to the club I managed to take three shots before I ordered myself a large glass of cranberry vodka, trying to steer clear of coke and rum, since it reminded me of Jared, of the night I managed to talk him into getting drunk with me, which I still couldn't recall most of that night.

Things began to become a little blurry after my third glass, vodka and I never really got along, but I could remember dancing with a guy. No clue as to who he was or his name, but hey, that shit happens in the clubs. You're single, I'm single, hey, lets go grind on the dance floor and get completely wasted. And then it hit me. The guy I just so happen to be grinding with was also the one who offered me the E. The pill being placed on my tongue was the last thing I remembered.

Obviously I wasn't thinking straight when I accepted the guys offer. I was heart broken, alone, and just need to have a good time, just one night of being completely unaware of how empty my heart really was. I didn't know! I had no clue that Criss was going show up, and I was utterly oblivious to the fact that taking that E could have ended very badly. Again, I wasn't thinking straight. That was my story and I was sticking to it.

"Yea," Criss whispered and looked to the floor when he knew I now understood what I had done. "The doctors say you had a seizure. Your temperature got up to one hundred and five and well, your body just couldn't take it anymore." he explained. He snapped his head up and our eyes met, I could see his anger quickly rising and I knew it was coming.

"Lana, why would you do that? How could you be so stup..." he began to lecture. He cut himself off before he said things he knew Id make him regret and looked to the ceiling, more than likely looking to ease the anger he felt. He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly before looking back down at me.

"You scared the fuck out of me! I thought I lost you." he said, this time a little calmer. He sighed heavily and heaved himself from the chair and began to pace at the foot of my bed.

"When you hit that bathroom floor, I swear to god, I lost all the feeling in my body. I had no idea what to do, I didn't know what was going on, I was scared to fucking death! I should've known better when you starting thinking I was a hallucination, but I was so focused on getting you to listen to me, that I didn't think anything of it." He pinched his nose and closed his eyes while he paced back and forth.

"But then you fell, and when you started to have a seizure, I.." he took a deep breath and tried to stop himself from crying, "I had never been so scared in my life!" He stopped pacing, taking a stand at the end of my bed while he held tightly onto the foot board. I could see he was once again on the verge of letting me have it. "I really thought I was going to lose you," his eyes softened, "and it was the worst feeling of my life, I had never felt that way, not even when my dad..." He took another deep breath. "If only I had gotten there sooner." he mumbled and looked to the floor.

"Criss, please don't. Don't blame yourself, this was all my fault. It had nothing to do with you." I told him. I was starting to feel extremely guilty for everything. The last thing I wanted was for him to blame himself for last night. It was not his fault, granted, I did it to take away some of the pain he had left me, but I made the decision on my own, it was my fault, not his.

"But if I hadn't left you, you wouldn't.."

"No!" I snapped, cutting him off. "You are not going to blame yourself for this. What happened last night was my fault. One hundred percent my fault_. I chose _to do it."

I had a feeling that Criss being here wasn't such a good idea. After last night, my body felt like it was going to explode, and my head felt like it already had. We were both filled with a thousand different emotions, and we were both too stubborn for this conversation. But at the same time, I was happy he was with me, no matter how long he planned to stay this time, at least I had this very moment with him, if nothing else.

"Why did you come, Criss?" I asked. If there was anything I wanted to know, _needed _to know, it was what he was really doing here. He sighed and took a seat next to me again. After taking a few moments to gather his thoughts, he looked up at me.

"I couldn't take it anymore," he sat at the each of his seat and stared at me, "Lana, I love you." He blurted. I rolled my eyes and opened my mouth to protest.

He cut me off before things quickly turned into another argument. "And I know right now, nothing I say will be good enough. But you need to know, all those things I said to you, they were all lies. I love you. More than anyone in the world. I only said those things because I thought," he sighed heavily and looked down to the floor.

"I thought if you hated me, and that I didn't love you, then you could move on, have a normal life. I didn't want to throw you into something that would make you break. The only way you and I could be together was for you to come to vegas with me, and I didn't want to rip you away from everything you have here." He explained, looking back up at me.

"Believe me Lana, if I had known things were going to go this way I would have never left you. And I know none of this can be taken away. But I don't want to be without you anymore Lana. I love you too much. Call it selfish I don't care, but I need you. The past two months have been the hardest of my life, because I didn't have you." I noticed a couple of tears stream down his face as he looked back to the floor.

"And you expect me to believe all of this? And to just accept it and what? Forgive you?" I said a little harshly. Man was I a bitch! This poor guy just poured his heart out to me, and here I am, trying to smash it. But I had to be defensive after what he did to me. How did I know that he wasn't going to do it again? That if I accepted his apology that he wasn't going to toss me to the side over and over again? I wasn't that stupid. Fool me once...

He looked back up at me. "Forgive me? No. I hope you can forgive me eventually, but right now, what I'm asking is that you hear what I'm saying to you. That you understand that I mean every word I just said. That you will accept it as the honest to god truth, and that you'll give me a second chance." he took my hand in his and stared at me. Patiently waiting for my response.

Everything that I had gone through in the past two months, all the heartbreak, the countless nights I spent crying myself to sleep. All the things I had done, all the people I had upset, it was all because of what he did to me. I had been burned pretty badly once before, and Ill be damned if I was going to let it happen for a third time. But looking at him now, so broken and sad, desperately trying to win me back, my heart was beginning to take over.

My heart and brain were currently in a battle for the right thing to do. My brain said no. Hell no, in fact. How could I be stupid enough to take him back? After everything he had done to me, I knew I couldn't take anymore. My brain knew full well that I couldn't afford to take the risk, the risk of being completely thrown over the edge when Criss decided to leave me again.

But my heart said yes. I was madly in love with this man, and he just told me he wanted me back. That he wanted to sweep me off my feet and carry me into my happily ever after, and there was nothing on the planet that I wanted more. But my brain was pretty consistent when it came to tell my heart to shut the fuck up.

"Look, I can tell you don't trust me, I can see it in your eyes, and I can't say I blame you. But I don't think you understand what I'm saying. I love you Lana, and I cant live without you, I don't _want _to live without you."

"I love you too." I blurted. Apparently my heart had won this round. I watched as his eyes lit up, and I could see a wave of shock and relief spread across his face. Obviously he was expecting something a little different.

"Is that a yes?" He asked, not sure if I was serious.

I shook my head yes. "As long as you promise not to break my heart again." I smiled slightly and his face lit up.

"I promise I will never, ever, hurt you again. As long as you promise to ease up on the drinking and, for the love of god, don't ever scare me like that again!" I smiled, kissing the top of my hand.

I chuckled. "I promise."

"My little trouble maker." he sighed and kissed my forehead, before his lips met with mine.

"So what now?" I asked after we finally ended our kiss, one that seemed to last hours.

"Well, the police are going to want to come talk to you." He glared at me with accusing eyes.

"I don't remember much, and what I do remember is a bit hazy. And no, I don't know who gave me the E. I had never met him before, never got his name, and hell, I cant even remember what he looks like." I began to quickly defend myself.

"Whoa there tiger, calm down. Its okay. I'm not mad, I'm just glad you're okay. Just tell the police everything you remember, okay?" he said and kissed the top of my hand. I nodded.

"I'm so sorry Criss, I didn't mean for this to happen." I began.

"Shhh, I know baby. Its okay." he reassured me, when suddenly his face turned into a shit eating grin. "but there is one thing." I raised an eyebrow at him with curiosity. "since you obviously cant survive without me," he joked, "I'm gonna have to keep an eye on you, which means, we need to figure out where we will be living." he explained.

"What does that mean?" I asked, befuddled by his cryptic words.

"It means, Lana," he sighed and leaned towards me, taking my hand in his. He slipped something cold onto my finger, I looked down and saw the most beautiful ring I had ever seen. My heart started to pound loudly. My jaw hit the floor and I looked up at him. His beautiful face was over come by a wide grin, pure happiness.

"Will you marry me?"


End file.
